Today I am covering what are defense mechanisms and the 11 examples of defense mechanisms
used in our intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships.
Welcome back to True Potential TV, I'm Andrea Cairella your Relationship Consultant and
Licensed Professional Counselor. Today we will be talking about what are defense mechanisms
and the 11 examples of defense mechanisms you may use when you feel threatened, vulnerable
or are connecting with emotions or situations which cause you some distress.
Defense mechanisms are maladaptive coping skill you may use when your amygdala known
as the smoke alarm in your brain becomes activated and communicates to our body your central
nervous system that your survival, whether real or imagined, is being threatened.
Some examples of defense mechanisms are: • Blaming or Attacking Others -- When your
ego becomes threatened, you feel vulnerable and hurt, or you don't want to admit your
short-comings or contributions to the problem, you can try to cope with this pain by blaming
or attacking others. • Rationalization - Subconscious justifications,
excuses or reasoning given to make a behavior seem logical -- "Why did he cheat on me? Maybe
it is because I am not affectionate enough or I'm not attractive, maybe it is that he
has sexual problems, sex addiction or childhood issues."
• Excuses -- Instead of taking responsibility for your actions or lack of action, you instead
share all the reasons why it could not be done or blames others for your behavior. "I
began drinking today because you are not paying attention to me and are distant."
• Deflection -- When you change the subject and focus on someone or something else, instead
of speaking about yourself. "Why didn't you manage your time better." "I was busy today,
I cleaned the house and had a long list of things to do, plus I asked for your help yesterday
but you were unavailable."
• Playing the Victim -- To avoid dealing with the problem or feeling responsible for
the situation, the victim finds it easier to make the other person the bad guy and believes
that everything is happening to them. "I don't do anything wrong and I don't understand.
My wife is just cold and distant. I feel powerless and helpless and I can't do anything to change
this situation."
• Displacement - This defense reduces anxiety or pressure by transferring feelings toward
one person to another -- commonly known as "dumping on" someone. For example, a husband
is mad at his wife and starts yelling at the kids.
• Conversion - Mental conflict converted to a physical symptom. For example, a woman
is having difficulty in his relationship and has physical symptoms like headaches, stomach
aches because she is conflicted about the relationship.
• Regression - Giving up current level of development and going back to a prior level.
An example may look something like this. Are you going to say anything. Nothing. Well then
I am going to leave and sleep on the couch.
• Reaction Formation - Over-compensation for fear of the opposite. When there are two
conflicting parts in self-one is strengthened while the other is repressed. For example,
someone may be extremely calm and relaxed, but may have a lot of repressed hostility
and anger that they are unaware of on a conscious level.
• Simple Denial - Unpleasant facts, emotions, or events are treated as if they are not real
or don't exist. -- For example, a woman is waiting yet again until 10pm for her husband
to come home from work. Despite knowing he is a workaholic, she says nothing, says that
it is okay and is not an issue and that he is providing for the family.
• Fantasy - Retreating into a dream world of times past. I remember my relationship
with Johnny was so great. Look at these pictures of us. We were so happy together. I wonder
if we could get back together. Now I'd love to hear from you. What are the
defense mechanisms you use? Give your examples of defense mechanisms below, because I want
to know what you are thinking. And if you liked this video, give it a thumbs
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so you don't miss any upcoming True Potential episodes.
You'll also want to head over to TruePotentialCounseling.com to get additional resources and relationship
tips to help you experience more harmony, connection and love in your relationship.
www.TruePotentialCounseling.com