(High-Five) TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU LADDIES, MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO DEAD RISING 2!
Look at that little buttflap that I got going on.
Wonder if I could pull that down, and just shake my ass at the zombies. That would get rid of them.
Then they would never ever come back.
So we are doing a mission called: meat the contestants.
Where I'm.. I'm sorry sir and sirs and madams. GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!
I have contestants to meet. I have stuff to do, I'm a busy man!
I can't be just sitting here all day worrying about your sorry asses. You guys are dead already.
don't make me kill you a second time.
Jacksepticeye, killing you twice!
Actually I didn't kill you the first time but I'll-I'll kill you so hard I'll kill you the second time
That's how it works, that's the way I do it.
Uhm... where the hell am I going?
Somebody wants a rematch for something, and I don't know what the rematch is.
And I fucking, grrr! I really wish these games had a sprint option!
That would be han...
You didn't want to program that in, no? That's fine, that's okay, cool!
Nice calm and relaxing atmosphere out here.
Nice music going on.
You'd almost swear that you guys DON'T WANT TO EAT MY ASS!
Ooh its night time.
Oh awesome!
I didn't know that.
Oh this is about to break. No, its about to break some faces!
Its going to break some world records for hitting zombies faces really far!
Once bitten- Who's calling me? Go away!... I have enough shit to be doing!
Good god-
I don't have all the- I don't have all day! Actually have three days, but that's still not a
lot of time, to do all the shit I need.
I mean a man- mans got a.. mans got a run around. I can't sprint!
So that's why they give you three days. If you could sprint, the game would only be one day long.
And then we all be happy livelong day
Where the hell am I going!?
What are you protesting?
'Cure'? Well that's a bit ironic don't you think?
I'm almost dead.
I need some OJ right now!
and not in the Simpsons variety, some actual orange juice.
I believe that was his first name.
Orange Juice Simpson? That's what I've been calling him all this time-
Have I been wrong? Am I the one whos wrong? I don't think so! I think all you guys are wrong.
What actually is his real name? I have no idea
Excuse me, coming through, coming through. You would not attack a man in pajamas would ya?
Of course you would 'cus you guys are assholes.
Don't break your legs, don't break your legs, don't break your legs
At least break your legs like the cool way, like the kids are doing these days.
(Sings) Like break you leeegs.
Oh! Cutscene! Shh! Gotta shut up.
(Motorcycle screech)
Do we get to do bicycle.. chainsaw shit?!
(Aggressive) YESS!!
Jack: Hi
Jack: NO!
(Laughing)
The mask really sets it off like-
(Growl)
I'm not wearing any, that's the- that's the secret.
That's my secret captain. I never wear panties.
'Bike Key Acquired'! Hu ho! OoH Lets fuckin' do this!
What do I have to do?!
Where am I going?
Hello?! OH GOD, GET OUTTA THE WAY! BEEP BEEP!
MOVE BITCHES!
Oh my god this is fun! Okay, there goes the other dude.
I'm chasing him. I'm catching up with him.
Where you going bro?! Where you goin- AHH god I think he wants to kill me!
I think he wants to kill me and everything I stand for.
I don't- I don't wanna die.
Oh god this is fuckin' disorienting as all hell.
I'm gonna get sick. (*Mimics vomit sounds*)
Ah-Ha-Ow!
OW! God he hit me with fucking chainsaws on his bike!
How do we get him?!
Do I just drive up behind him? Shoot him in the face?
Okay, I'm gonna try that. Lemme try. He fell off! He- He didn't fall off. Hes stuck though!
Hes stuck! Hes stuck in the wall! Yes!
Yes! What are you doing?!
Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him dead!
ARG! Come back bro!
You haven't heard the last of this..!
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. AHH! Fuck I'm dead!
Well that's a little unfair! Here! Do you want a rematch? Cool! Here's my bike full of chainsaws here's
your fuckin push bike.
I start all the way back here?
I... I start all the way back here?
That's not fun..
That- that's not fun.
What are you guys doing in here?! GET OUT!
You're not allowed to steal jewelry! Even in a zombie apocalypse!
Do I have to teach you whipper-snappers a lesson?
Meet the business end of my bat!
Gah!
Everybody di- oh you're not dead.
Now you're all dead. What was this shiny on the ground?
Get the FUCK.
I have to deal with these bastards and now you?
Gems!
I just- I throw gems at the- make it rain! Make it rain! Make it rain on them hoes!
Make it ra- is this all I do?
Is this the weapon? Really? Here! Have some fuckin' jewelry! That's what zombies love!
I need a bathroom! I need a bathroom, I need to go take a poop.
I need to go drop a deuce.
Where the toilets at?
I can't hold it in much longer! I'll need to use my booty flap.
Wheres the toilets? Safe house.
(Whispers) Not seeing any.
Hey fellas! (Laughter)
Don't stand next to the door you'll get knocked down bitch!
Ha! Na! Mother fuckers!
This is my Denny's!
I love Wendy's!
I need Digiornos more then anybody else!!
Oh, Davey's.
Oh sorry guys wrong place.
Um, what kind of place, that sells food, does not have bathroom?
A stupid place, that's what.
Also, I need to get another gun off that cop that was right here.
DIE! Jesus christ!
Good lord!
Okay, I'm getting very mislead with all the stuff that have 'Guns' written on them.
There we go! You've no arms now!
Ah.. whoop! Did I kill him?
Can I have his gun? I want his gun.
Thank you!
AGH I picked up a fucking tomahawk again! I DON'T NEED THIS!
GET AWAY!
We'll try this again.. and I swear to god if I die again
(Babble)
If I die I'm gonna kill someone!
There! I said it! I aren't afraid!
Were there..? No.
Spray paint cans. I don't need those.
What I need, are chainsaws like my good friend douche bag nozzle-face
That just drove up ahead
Wheres he even gone?!
Br-bro!
He's all the way up here. Geeze I'm killing a LOT of these dudes. Can I just clear out the entire area?
Love the fuckin' heavy metal that kicks in though.
YEEAAAH!!
Can I just do this all day?
This is way more fun. (Laughs)
They go flying!
(Laughter)
I love it!
Do I have a thousand of them killed yet? No.
I don't even know where the other dude went.
Friendo?
You around?
Should listen out- ow ow ow! There he is!
There he is! Oh god now I'm stuck with all these assholes.
Go away! Away! Gahh!! Mother fuckers.
GET ON THE BIKE.
Whatcha doing bro? Just hanging out? JUST HANGING OUT?!
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you! Come here!
Come here, come here! Rahh!!
Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU LEON!
I just blew up my own bike.
Well that's just fi- AGHH!
Where are you? You trying to look cool? In front of all these zombie ladies? It's not gonna work bro.
Zombies aren't into cocks.
How do I make him drive into a wall again?
Heuh!
Down here no! Ha ha! J'accuse!
Aww come back! (Laughs)
Watching the zombies fly around is the best. Come baaack!
There we go, there we go. Ah! Ah! Go away go away!
GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LINE OF FIRE!
(Growls)
I'll throw a lawn mower at ya next time!
Ooh restroom!
I could really do with saving my game right now. (Laughs)
Could I really save in the middle of a boss fight?
Well, at least I don't have to go all the way back again.
Ow... ow... ow. I have a pie. I have a pie and I'm not afraid to use it
(Laughter)
That's how I eat pie apparently. Come here! Come here!
BITCH!
Oh I got him, he's hurtin'! He's hurtin'! Y'all saw it he's hurtin'!
So am I.
How's everyone doin'?
Everyone come out for Metallica? Yeeahh!
Do you like that one song, um, 'Live and let die'? By Metallica?
You know the one. (Laughs)
I need food! There was food lying around everywhere a minute ago. Now I can't find any.
I'ma go over here! Oh god I just saw something go flying.
Oh god don't kill me bro. Don't kill me bro! Don't kill me BRO! OW!
He almost killed me bro!
STOP IT!
Oh! Hes fighting off zombies! Ah shit. I need FOOD!
Gimme food, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire! UGH! (Laughs)
Oh! Soder and hot dogs! Soder and hot dogs! Drink it up! Drink it up boy!
AHH! GET OFF ME! I JUST GOT THAT SQUARE OF LIFE BACK!
I DO NOT want to get rid of it again!
Gimme this. Gimme this, gimme the hot dog. Gimme the hotdog
AH go away from me! Its my hot dog. I know they're delicious, but fuck away!
NYEEH. GET, OFF ME!
Pussy won't even man up huh? Come here! Your the one on a fucking motorbike!
YAHH!
Ow ow ow ow yeah! Get stuck in here. Get stuck in here!
Then all the zombies will be heating- hitting you.
Get em! Get em! Fuckin'..!
Why does he have to have chainsaws on the front?!
I hate it!
Fuck. You. Fuck. You
Fire extinguisher and.. cone.
What the.. what do you guys make? Do you even make anything?
Do I have anything that you guys came make? Probably not!
But I have shit that I could thro- ahh there we go! Yaaay.
Oh made such a great- GO AWAY BITCH!
MMMMH. OOOH.
Kill em! Kill em! KILL EM! Kill the fucker. Kill the fucker!
YES!!
That took way longer then it should have. Suck a deez nuts!
BRO!
Don't even know his name.
There he is!
Leon, oh yeah. It said his name underneath him. All that time.
Nice butt cheeks.
Are you dead? You better be dead.
You better explode.
Jack: Hopefully.
Jack: Uh oh.
Jack: UH OH.
Jack: I am the man!
Jack: Am I just gonna light-
Jack: Dude its not a game anymore! It kinda is but that's what so meta about it.
Jack: Just- (Mimics lighter sound)
Jack: Oh god (Laughs)
Jack: OH GOD.
OH- oh you're number one all right! I won't doubt that. In fact you're on fire right now!
(Laughter)
I'm so glad he made the same joke!
Yes! (Laughs)
Jesus that took forever! I gotta bike!
Yeeeeeah.
"Chuck is an ex-motorcross racer and can modify motorbikes in a variety of ways."
"Bring a bike to the Combo Bay and combine it with weapon parts."
Yes!
Awesome!
C- can I drive? Can I combine? How do I combine? Drive combine?
Ehh 'scuse me? What the fuck was that?
Ow.. ow.. ow! Okay! Bad start bad start.
WOOO! OH I want the jeep in there!
Can I have that?!
Dude you the shot gun, you the shot gun. I fuckin' BADLY need that. Yess!
Get off the bike, there we go. Make sure its all nice and safe.
Yeah there we go nice. Ah.
That feels goo- okay just keep using this until it breaks.
Keep using it, until it breaks! We'll break a lot of faces!
ARAG! Fucking zombies! I hate them they smell!
Why don't you chill out?
OOH! That didn't even make sense but its still cool!
Okay! New mission! We are doing 'One Mans Trash'.
Which is located all the way over here.
Hi. Nice to meet you. Thank you for coming out! Thank you! I know!
Best motor cross cyclist in the whooole planet galaxy. Nice.
Where the fuck am I going? I feel like that douche bag because now I'm on his one.
Except I have no chainsaws!
THAT WOULD BE NICE THOUGH!
How the hell do I use the IED? If I throw it..
Nothin'.. nothin' really happens. Wait. Maybe if I use the shotgun.
Ohh I can jump and kick at the same time!?
I didn't know that! Okay pick up the shotgun.
Maybe if I shoot a IED.. that will blow ah.. I don't know its a propane tank!
If movies have taught me anything, its explosive things.
(Explosion) YEESSS!!
If movies have taught me anything, its that explosive thing BOOM! (Laughs)
Nobody touch my bike its sacred.
Who is feeling lucky? Who wants to go?
Uh.. blackjack man put all my money on.. black 21.
No? Okay. I'll just keep on going then. Keep my money to myself.
I'm not stepping right up I suck at the bucking bronco!
I mean. I should be cool because I got the grips, the grip strength of a 14 hundred pound gorilla.
But that's not the point, okay. I have tiny hands.
I know. Its shameful. Am I going the right way?
Wait I have to go to the bathroom? I was just going to save.
Jack: Who's in here? Its spooky I don't like it.
Jack: Can I shoot him? I really wanna shoot him.
Jack: Knock knock? You doing alright?
Jack: OH. Oh bad! Stranger danger!
Jack: Nice to meet you.
Jack: Do I have to kill you? I feel like I'm gonna have to kill you.
Jack: You look freaky deeky. Have you been hitting the- (Mimics blunt)
Jack: I didn't do that.
Ah god, I have to fight Brandon? Luckily, I have a SHOTGUN!
What do you have? A fuckin'- OH GOOD GOD, HE HAS A-!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
He's a je-JESUS CHRIST.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAVE.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
UUUGH!
Now I have to kill this mother fucker again.
Get- get maced! OH he's hurtin', he's hurtin'!
AHH! Kill him! Fucking hell!!
I hate this guy! I wish he'd die!
I wish I could fire him, into the sky!
Noo, no. Go away, go away. For fucks sake. Why do I have to do it all over again?!
Oh god (Laughs)
Oh I feel bad doing this but this is hilarious.
Is this the only way I can run around in the game? By having a wheel chair?
(Laughter)
Oh god no! I need to go back. I dropped my shotgun.
Where'd my shotgun go? Okay. Here you go. See you later!
It was nice- it was nice hanging out with you though.
You're a fun little dude.
I didn't know I could do that. (Laughs)
Aw, if only you could pick up the wheel chair, and just like wheel myself around in it.
Be faster than fucking running.
Because apparently I can't do that. Can I save right before this fight?
I really wanna save right before this fight.
Please? I can't save in the girls bathroom. Great.
I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like that guy.
Hes fucking weird and hes creepy and hes freaking me out.
Stop tha- GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME! HOW DO I GET HIM OFF ME SO FAST?
Get off. I need to fucking shoot you in the face.
Wheres he going?! Where you going, BITCH!
JESUS CHRIST there's no stopping this dude! Don't kill me.
Don't fucking kill me. I'll kill you if you kill me.
Eat the pie, eat the pie.
Where'd he go..?
Bro, AH GOD! God I'm almost out of fucking health already.
Eat the pie!
And get really high!
This dudes HARD! Pie sucks.
Aw man!
AH FUCKIN', FUCK IT FUCK IT. How do I dodge this shit?!
HOW?! The controls in this game SUCK!
I'm leaving. I'm leavin- I'm leaving forever. See you later bye.
I need a cooler outfit. That's why!
It will not do, just to be in pajamas. Oh god I broke the game.
I literally broke the game I can't move right now.
What is happening? There we go, THERE we go!
OH. Fucking looking good Chuc- AHH! FUCK OFF!
God, I hate the controls in this game.
This mother fucker, is going to have to learn the hard way, that Jacksepticeye, means business
when he comes to fight!
He drops his fucking chain saw, at the slightest little smack of a zombie, but he means business!
I'M BAACK!
Hows it going, hows it going. Hi. Hi.
Is he slitting his whole throat? Ah for the love of fuck.. Chuck!
Kill him! Kill him dead! Ow, ow ow that's all stabbing me! That's stabbing me!
I don't like it when you do that!
Stop. Stop. No go away, go away, go away, go away!
No! No! Don't kill me.
Do not fucking kill me- eat that hamburger!
Now I really am like Elvis.
This dude SUCKS!
I HATE HIM! Get away from me! Get away from me! I'm almost dead.
No no no no, hamburger time. Hamburger time!
Burger time! BURGER TOWN!
Yes yes! Hes almost dead! Hes almost dead! Just a few more shots.
Few more shots and we're good!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hes a fuckin' twitchy little.. FREAK!.
FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT!
HES A FREAKY WEIRDO! GET OFF ME!
Kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him.
YES!
OH Brandon baby! DIE IN A FIRE!
Vicky, you okay? Y-you fine? You good? Okay.
The way shes looking at me. I just saved you!
Well I'm gonna leave this episode of Dead Rising 2 here!
Just gonna bring Vikkers here, back to home- the home base. Me blanca Elvis.
I look baller right now. I look so cool.
I am so awesome, mask clipping out through my collar and everything. But anyway!
Thank you guys much for watching this episode! If you liked it, PUNCH that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS!
And, high fives all around! (High-five) (High-five) Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes, IN THE NEXT VIDEO!