This is Nick Confidential: Top 10 Secrets You Don’t Know About Young Dylan.
Number 10. Young Dylan is a master of disguise.
What are you doing?
Yo. You could see me?
Anyone could see you.
But… your dad walked by twice.
Yeah, well he’s clueless.
In fact, can you determine which of these disguises is actually Young Dylan?
News flash! They’re all Young Dylan!
Number 9. Young Dylan is an amazing speechwriter.
I mean, you know, my speech doesn’t involve, like, not one flower.
Not a single flower. Yeah. Yeah, my, my speech… is different.
Let me tell you a little something about my wife.
And how lucky I am she’s in my life. Darling, you’re incredible.
They should make a movie. And I ain’t never seen a realtor with such a fine…
Honey!
Dylan?
That was some of the best writing I ever heard!
Number 8. Young Dylan appreciates the finer things.
Yo! What is this?
Fancy food.
A little tomato stuffed with a piece of green? Ugh.
- That’s a walking salad. - And what is this?
It looks like brown goop on a piece of cracker!
- Ewe oh. - Oh, my dad loves the brown goop.
And Aunt Yaz… is paying them for this trash?
Man, these guys are crooks. I mean, look at this!
I wouldn’t feed this to a stray dog!
But, what he would feed to a dog… Young Dylan’s I Can’t Believe It’s Not
Brown Goop Gourmet Dog Food. Available wherever fake products are sold.
Number 7. Young Dylan is an excellent communicator.
Yo! This house is dope, man!
- Is that a good thing? - Yeah, Ma!
- Who’s Ma? - That’s the way the she’s be talkin’.
- Is this English? - Mom, you have so much to learn.
Number 6. Young Dylan is a master chef.
Chef! These cornflake nachos are starting to smoke.
Good. Once that smoke get’s nice and thick, that means they’re done.
How’s it going with those pickle dogs?
- I’m almost out of maple syrup. - Well, make it stretch.
Dylan, are you sure any of this is going to taste okay?
No doubt.
And for those of you following along at home, remember…
where there’s smoke, there’s flavor. But mostly fire.
Number 5. Young Dylan is a great teacher.
My mom said the stork is not bringing any more babies.
- A stork. Like, the big bird? - Yeah, that’s where babies come from.
Man! They got you out here like a sucka!
We got so much to do. So little time!
So, let me tell you where babies come from.
- So, when grown-ups... - Mom!
Dylan is telling Charlie where babies come from.
- Uh... - Ah da no...
Number 4. Young Dylan is in tune with his emotional side.
- Hey, is that your diary? - What, this?
- Nah, this is my big book of rhymes. - ‘Cause it says diary on the front.
You know what? I’m tired. Maybe I should get some sleep.
- It’s fine if you have a diary. - I know it’s fine.
But I don’t. So, that’s fine too. Goodnight.
It’s like, 6:30.
[yawning]
Wow, that late already? We should probably hit it. Sleep is so important.
It’s just that rap was pretty good. You should get it down in your dia…
- Uh. - Your big book of rhymes.
Number 3. Young Dylan is a fashion leader.
- Now, what do you want to wear? - Three belts.
Yeah! Three belts… why?
It’s more than 2 and less than 4, which would be too many.
- Um, okay. Have mine for a start. - Thanks. I'm already wearing 2.
- I had it specially made. - Huh?
I just like belts.
That’s maybe why you have to go to the bathroom so much. They look really tight.
And here’s a classified future fashion tip:
Belt shirts, belt pants, and belt jackets.
But not belt shoes because that would look ridiculous.
Number 2. Young Dylan is very persuasive.
Go get ready.
Are you sure you want me to do that, man?
I don’t know how many other ways I can tell you.
Look at my face, man.
No. Do you see this pain?
[crying]
Ooh, that’s good. That’s really going to help with your rap career.
- How you gonna turn that around on me? - I’m gonna tell you one more time.
Go get dressed.
Okay. And if I don’t?
You’ll never be able to get dressed again.
Aight, you win, you win.
Guess you’re not a morning person.
And number 1. Young Dylan keeps cool around his crush.
Are you okay?
Wow. I’ve never seen Dylan this quiet before.
- Bye, Dylan! - Oh, hi. My name is Dylan. What’s yours?
And if all we gotta do to get Dylan to shut up is invite Bethany over…
we need to let her move in.
And if those weren’t enough secrets for you, then dig into the files yourself and
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- What’s happening here? - Nothin’, ma! What’s happening with you?