You have so many good ideas.
A lot of good, a lot of good damn ideas.
Are you kidding me?
I want to ask you, you look like you got mad at me.
I complimented you and you kind of got mad.
Like I got a lot of damn good ideas!
What kind of the audacity of you, the audacity
to even question my ideas.
How about a store that sells loose stuff?
All loose, nothing in packages, all loose stuff.
What do you, what do you mean loose stuff?
Like, like for example, why do you need a store?
Describe what you're saying. That sounds like a horrible-
How many times, how many times have you used the Band-Aid,
right? You bought a whole box.
Right.
You use one Band-Aid. Right.
Then it's three or four years
before you cut yourself again.
So, wait a minute. You're saying a store
where you go in and you buy one Band-Aid?
Loose stuff! One Band-Aid!
You need a Band-Aid? Five dollars.
You see what I'm saying? See?
Wait! So, it's going to be more expensive than-
There's always more money.
The less you buy, the more money it is.
Five dollars for a Band-Aid?
A sip. You want a sip of soda.
Sometimes you're just a little parched,
you don't want to buy a whole soda. You want a sip.
Wait, you go in and you just get a sip?
This is like the anti-Costco.
Yeah. This is the anti-Costco
You get a sip of soda-
You get a sip and you put it back?
I'll wipe it off and I'll put the cap back on it!
Oh, for god sake!
Great ideas!
Were you talking to Gordon Ramsey about
trying to mix up different foods?
Come up with some new dishes?
Of course, he's a connoisseur of fine food.
I said, man, how about linguine dish with sliced Slim Jim
inside of it?
(audience laughing)
You'd be surprised.
Sliced Slim Jims? So-
Sliced Slim Jims and people who love Slim Jims
they will immediately know what that is.
You put that in a dish, put in on the table.
You cut them real tiny.
They'll eat the linguine
and they'll taste a little bit of Slim Jim and they'll say,
hmm, is this Slim Jim?
Now look, none of these things are copywritten.
So, please don't steal my stuff, Conan.
[Conan] What are you talking about?
Do you have ideas for new shows?
A sea of ideas. Everyone's calling me.
You got to be prepared when people call you for ideas,
and you got to have a lot of idea of your head.
I got one call. Let's not make this about me.
It's a late night show.
It comes on even later than your show. Late late.
(laughing)
Later than this show?
People come on my show and they ask me questions.
See? Like Tom Hanks comes on there.
He's been interviewed a thousand times.
But this time he comes on the show and he asks me questions.
See?
Yes, I like that idea.
Who wants to see Tom Hanks answer another question
you've already heard him answer?
Tom Hanks answer any other questions?
I have plenty of good ideas.
When "Game of Thrones" went away, it was a void left in HBO.
[Conan] Yeah.
I said, why don't we do a medieval season?
A medieval "Curb Your Enthusiasm?"
Why not?
That's hilarious.
That's great! Yeah!
I would have wanted, I said I wanted to be a dragon.
I love dragons.
I'll be a perfect dragon. Yep.
A dragon that talks shit and blows fire?
(audience laughing)
You can't just do this after any idea.
(laughing)
Do you think if "Columbo" came back
that I would be perfect Columbo?
[Conan] Yeah. I can see that.
Come on, man. come on, come on, man.
Columbo had that little delivery.
He'd come over to see you, and he's like
yeah, yeah, oh okay.
I see, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it.
And he's always turns away, he walks away
and he's like, "One more thing."
[Conan] Yes!
When he says "one more thing," that's your ass.
Drop the Co and put Bro, I'll be Bro Brolumbo.
Brolumbo, see?
Brolumbo.
Yeah.
It rhymes. It's perfect. Brolumbo?
Come on. I still, you know what,
you know I'm a man of fashion.
I love a good trench coat. I love a good trench coat.
Put a little trench coat on, come on.
I'm still kind of upset that "Pootie Tang" never got,
It's just do, you know.
And "Pootie Tang" came out in what?
95, 96 or something?
Man, we got shafted, man, we could have been up there.
We got shafted, man, but you know what?
I talked to Chris Rock one day. I ran into him.
I said, man, we should put out another "Pootie Tang."
But I told him, I said do not do "Pootie Tang 2," right?
We do "Pootie Tang 3!"
You skip over two and make people think
they missed number 2, see?
You have so many pretty good ideas.
[JB] I got I'm a marketing genius!