[typing] [Amiga "Back to the Future" theme]
October 21, 2015.
A date that I looked forward to for about as long as I could remember
due to the excellent "Back to the Future" movies I watched so much as a kid.
As a kind of tribute, I figured it's as good a time as any to go back to good old 1990
and a computer system known as the Commodore Amiga.
On that glorious machine, we had a game
that for all intents and purposes looked just as glorious:
"Back to the Future Part II."
The official tie-in for the part of the trilogy
where Marty McFly and Doc Brown experience the year
2015.
And yes, this differs completely
from the more commonly known Nintendo Entertainment System version.
This particular game was made by Images Software, Ltd.
and published by Image Works in PAL territories.
It's new to me, but apparently it was pretty popular in Europe at one point
due to its inclusion in the Screen Gems package from Commodore.
There was also a version by Konami that came out in the US
but I know I never saw it personally back then.
Only the NES game.
Whatever the case may be, I have it now so
let's take a look.
"Back to the Future Part II" begins with an awesome animated intro scene
showing the end of the first movie and, consequently, the start of the second
You get a sweet rendition of Alan Silvestri's classic theme song, too.
[Amiga "Back to the Future" theme]
Then you get a quick scene with the barely animated mouths of Dr. Brown and Marty McFly
standing near the time machine,
with Doc going on about how you've gotta get "back to the future!"
And just like that,
you're there!
On a hoverboard, as Doc walks off the screen.
And, aaaaahhhhh....
this sucks already.
The first level has you playing out the scene where you're being chased by Griff Tannen
and his goons in 2015 Hill Valley.
Which in theory is fine.
It's a scene that makes total sense for a video game.
You know, the scene where Marty wobbles around awkwardly punching people in the face,
slicing pickup trucks in half
and running over dozens of examples of Pepsi Perfect,
Nike self-lacing shoes
and... letters of the alphabet.
Not only does this go on for FAR too long,
but the controls are all kinds of strange.
Pressing forward gives you a bit of forward momentum,
you know, like you're on a skateboard,
but you can't hold it down or else you'll come to a complete stop.
And moving left, right and backwards takes a considerable delay before it pulls it off
as does jumping,
so chances are you'll be running into everything like a
[slurring] crazy... drunk... driver!
The hit detection is also a complete and total loss
with pickups, combat and collisions seemingly working on a system of dice rolls
rather than anything predictable.
Eventually, you'll reach the "climactic finish,"
with the water in front of the clock tower
and, as everyone knows,
hoverboards don't work on water, ya bojo!
Except, uh, they do here.
And quite well, actually.
In fact, the only thing that you can't do over water is stand still,
which is the *exact* opposite
of what happens in the movie.
The next level is a complete departure from the first,
which after that nonsense, I welcome with open arms.
Seems that Jennifer has been taken to her future home by the police,
and it's up to you to get her back.
So it's on to the future McFly house and a top-down perspective.
This has you playing a very simple logic puzzle
where you have to open a set of doors in order for Jennifer to escape
without seeing anyone from the future.
Yeah, not just her future self,
the results of which could cause a chain reaction
[LGR and Doc] that would unravel the very fabric of space-time continuum
and destroy the entire universe!
Nope. She's just not allowed to see anyone at all.
so you have to make sure she never enters the same room
as anyone else in the house.
Uh, just one problem. Uh...
Wh-which one's Jennifer?
Is it this one?
This one?
Oh, it's this one... I guess.
So, uh, yeah, just open the doors in the correct order
so she can make like a tree and get outta there.
Onto Level 3, which again takes on the form of a completely different game!
This time it's the worst brawler you've ever played.
Kinda like "Final Fight" meets "Altered Beast,"
but without anything good from either.
You're in the alternate version of 1985 now
caused by future Biff giving 1955 Biff
the sports almanac that Marty bought.
Of course, the game's not gonna tell you that.
Oh, well.
Just jump around like you're constantly about to perform a cannonball
and beat up anything that moves.
[chuckling] I mean,
there sure is a lot more fighting going on than I remember.
Oh, not that it matters because this is obviously not giving a crap about the movies
and is also 100% unfair and ridiculous to control.
Half of the blows don't land and
that goes for both you and your enemies.
And don't even bother picking up things to throw at them
because half the time they'll just go right through them.
Once you've reached the end,
it's time for the final showdown against Biff Tannen himself, and, uh...
Okay. Well, that was that.
Alright, it's Level 4 and
GREAT SCOTT!
It's a sliding tile puzzle?
"I don't get it, Doc."
Yeah, I'm with you, Marty.
What the heck is this game even trying to be?
Other than a compilation of half-baked crappy ideas
that barely tie into the movie at all?
I don't know.
The other levels were awful, but this one is just– you know, I mean...
Okay, I know including an eternally irritating puzzle that no one likes
is the obvious choice for "Back to the Future," but
this is going too far.
And don't you just love that Amiga rendition of the '50s classic
"Johnny B. Ehh"
by Chuck B. Wary-of-copyrighted-music?
[music]
Other than the repetitive soundtrack here,
the worst part about this is that it's a 5 x 4 tile puzzle
and the usual 4 x 4.
This in turn makes it exponentially more taxing to get through and not in a fun way,
leading to it being the single longest level in the game.
Lovely.
Once you're done with that crap, it's on to the final level,
where you have to go back to 1955!
Wait, weren't we just there?
What the heck was that last level then?
Ugh. So not only was that puzzle irritating beyond all comprehension,
but apparently it didn't even serve the game's swiss cheese story line.
Whatever.
Back to hoverboarding terribly and hating every second of it.
Once you get to the end of the game
and the end scene of the movie, coincidentally,
you chase '50s Biff into the tunnel, and...
promptly turn back the other way.
Because of course you do!
Uh, you eventually make your escape, with a little help from the Doc
as Biff meets his fate with a pile of manure.
Well, at least they got that part right.
And that's it. Game over.
Here's a score table. Screw you.
Dude, all this does is make me sad.
As a massive "Back to the Future" fan,
I can't stand this game. It just deserved
a million times better.
As a self-proclaimed classic PC game enthusiast,
this is not only a total chore to play, but it's downright boring.
And the developers had to have known it was a clunker.
I mean, just look at the code that you type in to enable cheats:
Yeah, that really is the only neat thing to do in this game.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
And unbelievably,
this was ported to at least six other systems back in its day.
And the ones I checked out sucked just as much.
Other than some awesome theme song chiptunes on many of them.
Ah, well.
The movies are still excellent and still I'm happy
we made it to the future of 2015.
But even though we're missing out on things like
hydratable instant pizza
and controllable weather,
just remember: it could be worse.
A lot worse.
[Amiga "Back to the Future" theme]
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