Whynotdateme.com, where lonely adults find even lonelier adults.
First up we'll be taking a look at the dating profile of Carly Shay.
When she's not hosting a show, you can catch her at The Groovy Smoothie.
Let's see what she considers her ideal date.
- Come on, really? - It's true.
Your sister's eighteen
and she has doesn't have her driver's license?
- Nope. - That's so sad.
Yeah. She's lame. Ha.
But you know who's not lame?
- Who? - You.
Ah!
Bubbly. Now for Carly's go to pick up lines.
Well, you have nice eyes.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.
Well, I don't have a boyfriend, so why don't you open up a window?
But what's a normal Friday night like in the life of an internet star?
- Ah, this movie's so good. - Love this movie.
Could be the funniest movie of all time.
And the scariest.
[screaming]
Next up is the co-host of iCarly, and local bacon fanatic, Sam Puckett.
If you want her to be happy, all you have to do is bake her a pie.
Let's take a peek at her ideal date.
- Ok, I wanna know... - What cha wanna know?
-when you first started to like me.
Okay.
Remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger
and he knocked you down and your head at that fire hydrant?
Yes.
- Well, afterwards, when you're laying there moaning, blood coming out your ear
Yeah?
I don't know, you looked kinda cute. - Oh!
And now it's time for Sam's epic talent.
Okay. This chicken wing was only in your mouth for, like, two seconds.
And the bone is totally clean.
How do you do it?
Years of practice.
And here's Sam's most prized possession.
Ever seen a butter sock?
- No. What's it for? - This.
[screaming]
Now, we have Sam's ex-boyfriend and resident tech dude, Freddie Benson.
Sometimes he speaks Spanish, and he's a former fencer.
Let's take a look at his ideal date.
Five, four, three, two
[laughing]
- On three. - One.
- Two. - Three.
- Ah! - Ah!
Oh, oh, oh!
That date looked fun. But I think Sam may have violated one of his pet peeves.
Oh! What did they put in this lasagna to make it so incredible?
Ah! Ah!
Uh. Look, I don't want to start an argument,
but ya might wanna finish chewing, you know, before you talk.
What is this pick on Puckett night?
I said, "I don't want to start an argument."
Well, ya done it!
Freddie's support system in life is...
Please move back. I need my little Fredward
at home where he belongs.
Promise not to embarrass me in public anymore.
Cross my heart.
Unlock all the channels on my TV?
Ah! Not the nature network. Oh!
Even Carly's big brother is looking for love.
Spencer Shay makes a mean spaghetti taco.
He's in search for that special someone. Ideally, not Gibby's mom.
Here's a look at his ideal date.
- Hey, you wanna know a secret? - Immediately.
Okay. When I was ten, you were my baby sitter,
I had a little crush on you.
You think I didn't know that?
- You knew? - You wrote me love poems.
And don't remember the night my boyfriend came over?
And I told him he had a stupid face.
Yes. And then you bit him.
Yeah, he was salty.
[laughing]
Here's something Spencer's actually bad at.
Not blinking?
Why, I can do that.
- Spencer. - Wait, I blinked.
Here I go.
You can't break his record.
Yes, I can. Darn, I blinked. And starting now.
Okay, now.
Lastly, Spencer's best physical feature has to be...
I'm already in shape.
Yeah, the shape of a tall marshmallow.
Uh, look at these toned abs.
What's that in your belly button?
It's nothing in my b--
Whoa, popcorn!
Yeah!
Our next profile belongs to the one and only, Gibby Gibson.
Think he's different? Your loss, ladies.
His mom thinks he's awesome.
Let's take a look at his smooth moves.
- Kirsten. - Hey you.
Ha, ha. Remember when I walked you home the other night?
Yeah.
[laughing]
What?
- Yeah. - What!
Hey, I got to get to work.
Oh, cool. I'll walk ya down.
No! Na! Na! Na! I'll walk her down!
- Gibby can walk me. - I'm walking you down!
Okay.
Something cool and weird about Gibby is...
Hey, give me my head.
I got to take him in the shower.
Why?
To shampoo him.
He called it him. Didn't he?
- Uh huh. - Yeah.
Don't hate Gibby if he's Mr. Steal Your Girl.
Why don't you hit the lights and sit down?
Let's finish this thing.
[screaming]
Gibby.