I used to be terribly lonely
and I just wanted to fill that void with anyone.
I'd be at, like, a music festival
and I'd see couples around
and be, like, 'Oh, man.'
It would just make me feel more lonely.
Maybe there isn't just a loneliness void there,
there's also a validation void of sorts.
I'm Victor.
I'm 27 years old.
I am a software engineer.
My family's from Taiwan
and has a dog called Kenken.
He gets walked around in a pram.
He eats better than I do, like,
my mum feeds him way too well.
Starting a few years ago,
I just got really into self-help books and podcasts.
Not in a red flaggy kind of way, of course.
In a totally healthy way.
I'm just always trying to improve 1% at a time.
I'm usually based in Wellington
but currently in Queenstown
for as much snowboarding as I can.
Fiona and I have been seeing each other
for about a year now.
In recent times it's developed into
a bit more of a situationship,
as some would say.
Define situationship.
Fiona's really cool.
She's really smart.
She's doing her PhD around female pleasure
in heterosexual relationships.
It's just awesome hearing her talk about her work,
'cause it's just way more exciting than, like,
me doing beeps and bops on a fuckin' computer.
I suppose Fiona doesn't quite check
all the boxes of my type.
Over the last couple of months,
[I've] been on a bit of a dating bender.
There's been at least two dates a week.
I guess I've been going on this dating bender to try
and be less lonely,
with mixed results.
And to collect more data in a way.
Even though Fiona is wicked and all that,
but what if I could be 5% happier
with someone else?
But I suppose it's not really
the best mindset to have.
In high school I was really shy.
I could barely talk to people I had a crush on.
I was really underweight as well,
which didn't help.
There could be something to be said about Asian guys
having a harder time on dating apps.
It's so hard to say, right,
because am I, you know,
am I not getting many matches because I'm Asian,
or am I just ugly, kinda thing.
I guess my ideal type would be the
pale, petite, art hoe with a nose ring.
That just leads you to think Caucasian.
Growing up I did have lots of white crushes.
Maybe because my school was mostly populated
by white people.
There's the hashtag Asian Male White Female
which is quite a big trend as well,
and maybe whenever I see that
I subconsciously go, like,
'Good on you, bro,
you did it.'
Now that you think about it,
makes me feel hypocritical to
denounce people having preferences
while also having preferences.
I went on a date last night,
the hoeing continues to not stop.
She was really cool.
She was beautiful, honestly.
My type, I guess.
But I noticed a weird thing during the date.
Since the start of this dating bender,
my standards have gone up.
Maybe she was just nervous,
but at some points her chat was just kind of shit.
And I was semi-jokingly, in my head,
writing her off.
Some dates maybe didn't quite
feel as fulfilling
as I thought they would.
In this book that I've read,
there was a concept of choosing a prom date
or choosing a life partner.
Thinking back at, you know,
high school ball or something,
you're finding someone who looks good on your arm
and I guess this type that I've mentioned,
the pale, petite art hoe
would just look good on Instagram or something, you know.
And obviously, wanting to show other Asian guys
you have a white girlfriend
is very much optimising your life to look good,
rather than to feel good.
Now I'm definitely more looking for the life partner
and actually starting to see
potential in partners
as partners
rather than just as dates
and as pretty girls.
With this dating bender coming to a close,
I see myself in something more serious with Fiona.
She makes me laugh a lot
and I make her laugh a lot
with some awful jokes
that I'm sure she has blocked out of her memory
at some point.
And she passed the Kenken vibe check as well.
We went to a hardcore show once
and we were close towards the front row
and she started getting amongst as well
and elbowed me in the face.
It was- I was just-
I felt joy when that happened.
It was great.
I think part of all this growth and all that jazz
has been realising
that the ideal type is a person that makes you happy, right?
Who would've known?
Outrageous.