Let's kick things off with the ongoing legal troubles
of America's 45th president, Donald Jurisdiction Trump.
The only former president with a side gig
selling bedazzled classified documents on Etsy.
You see, Trump is still being investigated
by the Justice Department for keeping over 100
classified documents in a closet at Mar-a-Lago--
pretty much the least-secure place in the world,
outside of Adam Levine's DMs. And Trump...
and Trump World has been coming up with
all kinds of defenses for what he did.
They said, "Oh, the FBI planted the evidence."
They said, "Everyone takes work home with them."
A-And then they said, "Trump was trying
to protect the documents from Nicolas Cage."
But last night, last night,
during an interview with Sean Hannity,
Trump came up with a new excuse
that may have topped them all.
NEWSWOMAN: A defiant Donald Trump pushing back.
The former president is insisting
he had the power to declassify documents
seized from his Mar-a-Lago home just by thinking about it.
If you're the president of the United States,
you can declassify just by saying,
"I'm-- It's declassified," even by thinking about it.
And there doesn't have to be a process.
There can be a process, but there doesn't have to be.
Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Donald Trump can declassify documents with his brain? How?
How? He can't even read documents with his brain.
How-how does this happen?
I really hope that "I can make things happen with my mind"
is gonna be their actual argument at the trial.
That would be great.
"Your Honor, the defendant pleads Jedi."
So, Trump is saying that he declassified these documents
just by thinking about it.
Which I don't even believe, because that would be
the first time in his life that Trump has thought something
and not said it out loud. Think about it.
This is a man who thought to himself,
"Ooh, if I wasn't related to my daughter, I would date her,"
and then he told everyone on TV. He said it out of his mouth.
And by the way, by the way, if this all happened in his head,
you do realize that means now the FBI
is going to have to raid his brain for the evidence.
That's going to be a nightmare for them.
Oh, guys, all right, let's see what we have in here.
Wow, it's a... a lot of bikinis, a lot of bikinis in here.
Miss America in a bikini.
Is that Putin in a bikini?
A hamburger in a bikini?
Oh, what's... Hold up, hold up.
I think I found the documents.
I got them, the classified documents,
but they're in a bikini.
(laughter and applause)
Now... if we had more time,
we could talk about the massive ramifications
of Donald Trump having a superpower
that only applies to documents,
but we don't have the time, because in that same interview,
he gave a different excuse that was even more mind-boggling.
Here is Donald Trump's new theory revealed just an hour ago
about what the FBI was really looking for
with their search warrant.
There's also a lot of speculation
because of what they did,
the severity of the FBI coming and raiding Mar-a-Lago,
were they looking for the Hillary Clinton emails
that were deleted but they are around someplace?
Were they looking for the spying...?
HANNITY: Wait, wait, you're not saying you had it...
No, no, they may be saying...
-They may have thought that it was in there. -Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
What?
Even Sean Hannity's like, "Wait, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm...
I roll with you, but I-I don't understand."
Like... (stammering) I'm so confused.
What, so is Trump saying the FBI raided his house
to find Hillary's emails?
So they didn't want the documents
he declassified with his mind.
No, they wanted the emails he couldn't find
but that he actually had the whole time at his house?
Because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton?
-(applause) -What?
What?!
So... America really did elect its first female president?
What?!
This is so insane.
And if we had more time, we could talk about
how great it is that Hillary Trump broke the glass ceiling
or we could talk about how amazing it is
that Sean Hannity basically gave Trump a softball
and Trump hit himself in the dick with his bat,
but we don't have the fun...
we don't have the time to have fun with all of that
because While American people are getting embarrassed
by their leaders, Iran's people are rising up against theirs.
TAPPER: Hundreds of Iranians risking their lives
to protest the country's ultraconservative dress code
for women and much more.
They were sparked by the death of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini
while she was in the custody
of Iran's notorious morality police.
She was detained for the crime of showing her hair in public.
-(crowd shouting) -In a brave show of defiance,
women in Iran's capital of Tehran
are now removing their state-mandated hijabs.
JOMANA KARADSHEH: The scope of these protests, John, are rare
but also unprecedented in their feminist nature,
where you're seeing women at the forefront
at these protests, leading these protests,
taking to the streets, removing their headscarves,
setting up bonfires, burning their headscarves,
and chanting "Death to the dictator"
in reference to the Supreme, uh, Leader.
Yeah, women in Iran...
(cheering and applause)
...women in Iran...
who...
who all have stories of being detained
or harassed by the morality police,
are fighting back, and rightfully so.
Rightfully so-- think about it.
You're gonna have a bunch of random people
walking around Iran, telling women
what to do with their own bodies. Huh?
In America you have to be on the Supreme Court to do that.
And what the women of Iran are doing
is inspiring people all over the world.
I mean, you saw them. They're chanting "Death to the dictator"
in front of the dictator's troops.
That is the definition of bravery,
like actual bravery, real bravery.
-(applause) -Yeah.
Not like, not like the way we use it here,
like when a musician tries acting.
"Oh, this was a real risk for you."
And that bravery has been contagious
because in the past week
these protests have gotten bigger and angrier,
and in response the Iranian government
is trying to control the flow of information
by shutting down access to apps like WhatsApp and Instagram.
But this is something I-I wonder with these governments sometime.
Do they, do they realize that people protested
before social media, right?
Yeah, like, civil rights leaders didn't have Facebook, all right?
Nelson Mandela wasn't on TikTok like,
"Yo, it's your boy Nelson,
straight-up kicking it in prison, ha-ha-ha."
Now, if we had more time we could talk
about how this protest follows
on the heels of a series of events
that has turned Iran into a powder keg.
The government's COVID response was terrible,
water mismanagement has caused massive droughts,
the government has brutally suppressed labor protests,
and on top of all of that,
the United States has sanctioned Iran so badly
that people can barely afford medicine,
so this protest and this moment in time has many people in Iran
wondering if this is going to be a tipping point.
But we don't have the time to cover all of that
because it turns out, Iran's government
is not the only one that's feeling the heat.
NEWSWOMAN: This morning more than 1,000 Russian protesters
detained by Russian police after taking to the streets.
Young men chanting "I don't want to die for Putin."
Mothers screaming "Send Putin to the trenches,
let our children live."
This after President Putin suddenly announcing
he would call up 300,000 men for military service
after his massive losses in Ukraine.
NEWSMAN: Other Russians are fleeing the country.
Flights from Moscow to all visa-free destinations
selling out quickly.
There are also long lines of cars
heading to Finland, which has open borders.
Yeah, that's right.
After Russia's angriest elf announced that he was going
to be drafting 300,000 people into his war in Ukraine,
the Russian people are trying everything
to get out of country, which I totally get. I get it.
-(applause) -I mean, think about it, think about it.
This guy is fighting a war for no reason. He made it up.
It's like when your friend gets drunk
and then tries to get you involved
in a fight that they started.
He's like, "Come on, bro,
he spilled his shirt all over my beer."
It's like, "Yeah, I'm just gonna Uber home."
And, remember, the Russians don't have Uber,
so they're trying every other way to get out,
you know, any way they can.
Some are flying out. Others are driving across border.
Some are even hitting up Ron DeSantis,
pretending to be Venezuelans.
(Russian accent): "Yes, my name is Domingo.
We fly Martha's Vineyard, yes?"
And, look, if we had more time,
we could talk about whether the resistance to Putin's draft
could spur more opposition to the war itself
or we could talk about how Putin needing to have a draft
undermines everything he's said up until now.
Because, remember, he's always insisted
that this wasn't even a real war.
So what do you need 300,000 more soldiers for, huh?
Does he need help moving that giant table? What is it?
Well, we don't have the time to figure that out.
Because while Russia is ramping up the war in Ukraine,
here in New York City,
there is a major escalation in the war on crime.
The MTA taking some new action to make our subways safer.
It's going to install security cameras
in every New York City subway car.
NEWSMAN: The MTA adding surveillance
to more than 6,400 subway cars.
That's about 12,700 cameras,
a $5.5 million cost.
Today, Governor Hochul got to test a major expansion
of the surveillance system.
Watch here as Hochul and MTA Chairman Janno Lieber
board a 7 train at the Corona Yard.
And then the hidden camera on board records them.
Do you think Big Brother's watching you on the subways?
You're absolutely right.
That is our intent.
"That's right.
"I'm Big Brother watching over you.
Just like in that book I clearly didn't finish reading."
What do you-- Why would you want to be Big Brother?
I get that they're trying to address crime, but...
we already have cameras in all the subways.
Yeah. They're called iPhones.
Anything, anything that those security cameras
are gonna pick up was already on TikTok two days ago.
Don't get it twisted.
And here's the thing-- I'm not saying New York shouldn't try
to make the subways safer,
but is this the right way to spend the money?
Right? Especially when you consider how many other problems
with the subway require funding--
making them run on time,
upgrading the stations
to improve safety and accessibility,
maintaining them
so that they don't always look
like shit's about to go down.
Like, have you been in a New York City subway lately?
It looks like the world ended
and Will Smith is about to show up with his dog.
That's how it looks.