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- If you could give me anything in the world,
what would it be and why?
- Oh self-love dude.
I would love for you,
to love yourself the way I learned to love myself.
I would love for you
to even when the world is falling apart,
have the peace of knowing that there was merit and survival,
and that you will survive, and that you are exquisite
and beautiful and articulate
and intelligent and breathtaking.
I want you to believe that you're breathtaking,
and walk that way, exist that way.
- What are you hesitant to ask me?
Keep it G. (laughing)
- One thing you know about me is
how important being Muslim is to me.
It's like the foundation of every decision I make in life,
is grounded in my faith.
And I was raised in Sunday schools, right?
And you went to private Islamic school
until you switched to public school.
And for you, it was kind of the Catholic school,
strict nun experience.
And so it turned you off a little bit
to the faith community, right? - Mm-hm.
- And that makes me really sad because
I feel like you shouldn't have experienced
the sort of judgment and the sort of ridicule
that you did from a really young age
from people within the community.
I guess my question is
what is your relationship with your faith now?
And do you believe in it?
And yeah, what'd you think of God? (chuckles)
- I'm trying to hope this isn't gonna be translated
in Farsi.
(laughing).
It was very rocky,
its very is rocky
- How so?
- I don't know, I look at it and it makes sense sometimes
and other times it absolutely does not make sense-
- So you're questioning it?
- Very much so, yeah.
(exhales sharply) I've been turned off a lot.
Just maybe it's the people, but it's just how,
do you know when you push a child in a certain way-
- Yeah, like you push too hard, they like-
- Yeah, and I just-
I can't, like even if I think about it, logically
it hurts my brain.
I don't think I'm detached from it in all actuality.
'Cause I'll find myself praying sometimes
and I'll find myself talking to God.
But like just the feeling of knowing
that if you reject one idea that like you may be shunned
by your entire community and then-
- So it's more about like the people to you.
- It's the people- - The people that follow
the faith rather than the faith itself.
- Sometimes it's the faith.
Just because when I ask the questions-
- But also you're asking people that aren't scholars,
I'm not a scholar,
you asked me questions sometimes, and I have no idea.
Yeah. - So yeah.
- It was also just like sucked
because I didn't feel like I was able to question anything
'cause if I didn't,
I wasn't able to question anything.
If I'd ask a question
or if I'd be confused about something
or if I just didn't feel like something was right,
I'd get turned down
and I just get kind of like brushed off to the side.
- Would you be willing to go and ask your questions
that you have to someone who is knowledgeable about it?
- One on one yeah,
not in a group setting.
- Not in a group setting? - Yeah.
- Oh, What is the pain in me you wish to heal?
- Oh God okay,
I mentally prepared myself for this one.
- Really? Okay.
- We had a slight conversation about this one.
- Yeah, just being hurt by so many people
and not being able to give yourself
in a friendship and to like fully in
you know I mean you're always kind of precarious,
teetering off the edge and then once you go in,
you're disappointed sometimes most of the time.
And it hurts me to see you like that,
because you're never really like that.
You're always like really gross and out there.
And you're not really vulnerable a lot of the time
slapping peoples butts and like, I don't know.
- I'm a butt slapper.
- Don't say that - (chuckles)
- But yeah, you get hurt by a lot of people.
I joined TaeKwonDo.
I asked my friends to teach me TaeKwonDo so I could,
(indistinct) threatening.
- I would not want you to physically
hurt anybody on my behalf.
- It wouldn't be on your behalf
it'll be on my behalf on your behalf
- Sure - Okay.
What is one experience you wish we never had collectively?
- You added that collectively (chuckles)
- No I mean yeah, we-
- I wouldn't take away
the fact that you've had a live-in nanny, right?
Because she's an angel on earth,
but I would take away how sheltered you were.
- Yeah, I wish I had friends in the neighborhood.
That's one thing that you could just tell
I don't say I don't fit in cause am so obnoxious
but I don't settle as nicely as other people
because they've family friends in the neighborhood
and they have barbecues with those people.
but I mostly just stayed in my room.
- I think you're a unique individual and we're different
because of our unique upbringings
- yeah,
And I think you're better off and I'm better off
and you're worse off and I'm worse off.
- Mostly we were both bullied,
but I took it in a different way than you did.
You toughened up and then I became more sensitive
because I think people....
- Well they say traumatic things
either make or break you, right?
And you don't really know you can't say, Oh,
if this happened to me, this is what's...
you can say that but you don't really know
what you're gonna to do.
But yeah, so I think in a way being bullied,
from sixth grade up until sophomore year of high school
by different individuals intensely,
it was like the best thing that ever happened to me.
I grew a backbone and I became very outspoken
and very sure of myself.
And instead of...
there was a period where it did break me, right?
And it was like a day and it was like the worst day.
And I came home and I was crying and I was so defeated
and I really felt like nothing,
I felt worthless.
I would look in the mirror and I was like well,
I could just end it all right now.
Thinking like that wasn't even because I felt worthless,
it was because I wanted to make those people
feel really bad about what they did to me.
So it was like a revenge suicide, you know what I mean?
Like the idea of revenge suicide.
It's like if I ended all right now,
then they'll have to live the rest of their lives.
Knowing that they have to carry that burden.
(indistinct) Mom would carry that.
I know. I know,
obviously I'm like stupid little middle schooler,
but something else instead of happened out of that,
mom had found out that I was being bullied
and she was like no, we're gonna go to school tomorrow.
And we're gonna go to your principal
and we're gonna get justice.
Maybe it was that lesson,
maybe you never got that lesson.
I got that lesson, I got that dramatic moment of justice.
That was all right from now on,
no one ever is gonna walk over me again.
And I'm never gonna let anyone else
walk over anybody else.
I want you to love yourself.
I want you to really feel powerful and beautiful
and intelligent and...
- It will take some time.
I'll feel good about myself.
- Do you feel beautiful?
- Not very often if I'm being truly honest,
but I think it was just a common thing
amongst people my age.
But do you ever feel beautiful?
More so when I was younger,
not younger as in like a year ago or two years ago,
but this year has been pretty hard
and I'm only a sophomore.
So I don't have any idea
what junior year is gonna be like but-
- Well you're not a snack your whole meal.
Okay (chuckles)
Did I just embarrass you - Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, lets move on
- Last question.
Save the best for last
- Why do you love me answer for both.
- Both okay, why do I love you?
I love you because it takes a lot of strength
to care as much as you do about everyone.
I love you because you're really in touch
with your vulnerability which I am not.
I love you because you are the most polite human being
I've ever met in my life.
You apologize for existing.
You apologize for like being two feet away from somebody.
You are very poised and you make me so proud
to be your sister.
But you're also just really soft,
you have the softness that I don't have.
And that's probably my favorite thing about you.
And I hope you never lose that softness.
The world is so hard and cruel and I don't know,
there's so many bad things that happen to good people.
And my biggest wish for you is to learn to love yourself
and to never lose that softness, yeah.
- And I live by that, Sorry(chuckles)
Okay, I was waiting...
For you I think I love you so much.
Not only because we're family,
but because you make everybody else family,
just like those people that you feel comfortable asking
to take pictures of you,
you just see someone you're like Oh okay,
- Can I take you guys picture, yeah
you're one of those people.
And I feel like you'll always be one of those people
and you don't think you're the type of person to change
and that aspect I just think you're a really,
really, really good person.
You're a good role model.
- Thanks sis I love you.
Love you too
- Hey guys, thanks for watching.
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