Yesterday, Kim Kardashian made a visit to the White House
for a one-on-one meeting with President Trump.
And I know, I know that there's some of you thinking,
"I can't believe this reality show moron
is in the Oval Office," but don't forget,
he was elected by the American people.
So show some respect.
And, you know, I-I don't know about you, but whenever I see
a photo of someone next to Donald Trump in the Oval Office,
I always play this little game in my head,
where I try to decide if the other person
would be a better president than him.
And pretty much every single time the answer is yes.
Like in this one, yes. Yeah.
Or in that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And this one, this one over here?
Definitely, yeah. Definitely.
Yeah, 'cause at least they're not allowed on Twitter yet.
Yeah, it would work.
And honestly, I'm not surprised
to see Kim Kardashian meeting with Donald Trump.
These two have so much in common.
They're both reality stars,
they're both big on social media,
Kanye loves both of them.
Uh, they both believe
in employing everyone in their family,
no matter how useless they are.
So it makes sense.
Kim Kardashian West met with President Trump yesterday,
and it turns out she was there for something legit.
Kim Kardashian at the White House
for reasons you may not expect.
The reality star lobbying for a pardon
for a convicted drug trafficker and great-grandmother
whose cause has caught her eye.
TV REPORTER: After 21 years in a federal prison on drug charges,
Kim Kardashian wants President Trump
to grant 62-year-old great-grandmother
Alice Marie Johnson, a pardon.
Kardashian took up Johnson's cause months ago.
KARDASHIAN: She spent over two decades behind bars.
I think that she really deserves
a second chance at life.
Weirdest episode of The Kardashians ever.
And now, while many people applauded Kim for lobbying
the president on behalf of an incarcerated great-grandmother,
not everyone was happy to see her in the Oval Office.
The fact that Kim Kardashian is here at the White House today
and what planet that is anything resembling normal,
because it's not.
Uh, she shouldn't be here talking about prison reform.
It's very nice that she is here,
but that's not a serious thing
to have happened here at the White House.
Really? She shouldn't be here?
You think Kim Kardashian brings down Donald Trump's Oval Office?
Is that what you think?
What could she do to make him worse than he already is?
What could she do? Like, if anything,
I want her to stay there longer.
She could probably teach Donald Trump
a thing or two about diplomacy.
Like, hopefully, she could be like,
(mimics Kardashian): "Like, you should, like, treat China,
"the same way that we treat Blac Chyna,
"'cause she's an outsider, no one trusts her,
but we've learned to coexist."
Now, Kim...
Kim was at the White House
to discuss the release of one specific person,
but whether she planned it or not,
her visit has put a spotlight
on harsh sentences for drug crimes,
you know, in the same way her sex tape
put a spotlight on Ray J's music career,
another terrible thing
that many people didn't know existed.
So, the big question is:
did Kim Kardashian successfully convince Trump
to use his pardon powers?
And the answer is yes.
Although, as always with any Kardashian story,
there's a big but.
President Trump announcing today that he will pardon
conservative commentator and filmmaker Dinesh D'Souza.
(reading):
D'Souza did plead guilty to these...
violating these federal campaign finance laws back in 2014.
He's perhaps best known as a provocateur
who regularly pushes right-wing conspiracy theories
and spews racist commentary.
Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I did not see that coming.
After his meeting with Kim,
President Trump decided to ignore her
and instead pardon a right-wing troll
who's known for saying things like Obama is a gay Muslim,
black people are thugs,
the Charlottesville rally was staged.
So, basically, Kim Kardashian said,
"Can you pardon a black grandmother?"
And Trump said, "No, but I can pardon a brown grand wizard.
Is that good enough? Yeah?"
And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying being an asshole
is a reason enough not to pardon someone.
What I am saying is that maybe Trump pardoned D'Souza
because he's an asshole. Yeah.
Because Trump doesn't care
about sentencing reform or government overreach.
All he cares about is doing favors
for people who he likes.
So, Kim Kardashian, if you really want
to get a pardon for your cocaine grandma,
forget the meetings and just tell her
to start sending out racist Obama tweets,
and she'll be out in a week.