Sinful Anger
We are not to harbor intense anger and
hatred in our hearts since it can lead to
terrible acts of sin.
Here's Gene to explain:
In this Principle, we're talking about sinful anger.
Anger that is defined here as intense.
It's defined as hatred.
Not all anger is sin.
We'll see that. But in this case, we see an illustration
of very sinful anger when it happened to
Absalom towards his brother Amnon.
Now frankly, the anger is
understandable in terms of what
Amnon did to their sister. But it turned
into deep resentment.
It not only turned into deep resentment,
it smoldered for two whole years.
Absalom has this in his mind that he's going to
take out his brother at some point in time.
I mean, there's horrible resentment and anger
going on here.
And of course, we see it in the passage
erupting and leading to a tragic, tragic murder,
Which by the way, is another consequence
of David's horrible sin.
Another murder. We read about it in 2nd Samuel:
When King David heard about all these things,
he was furious.
Absalom didn't say anything to Amnon,
either good or bad, because he hated Amnon
since he disgraced his sister Tamar.
Fact is, David was angry.
He was upset by it. But the fact is,
he probably didn't do much about it.
He probably knew that part of it was his problem.
A result of his own sin. And Absalom--
he harbors it and he is going to get even.
And of course, he did.
He had a plan.
He put together this plan. And he killed Amnon.
We read about that in 2nd Samuel 13:28:
Now Absalom commanded his young men,
Watch Amnon until he is in a
good mood from the wine. ...
Isn't that ironic?
What did David do to Uriah?
in ironic way, got him drunk.
Here we have Absalom getting Amnon drunk.
In this case, going to kill him.
Which ultimately led to murder as far as
David was concerned.
...When I order you to strike Amnon,
then kill him. ...
And by the way, that's in essence
what David said to his commander
and to those who were going to
take Uriah's life.
This is not your problem, it's my problem.
You do what I say.
And here we see this repeat.
...When I order you to strike Amnon,
then kill him. Don't be afraid.
Am I not the one who has commanded you?
Be strong and courageous!
Isn't that a repetition of exactly
what happened to David
and how he handled the situation?
And we see it now being played out in
this horrible way.
You know, Jesus addressed this issue
in Matthew chapter 5,
Sermon on the Mount, when He said:
You have heard that it was said to our ancestors,
Do not murder...
That of course is the Ten Commandment--
one of the Ten Commandments.
...Do not murder, and whoever murders will be
subject to judgment.
But I tell you, everyone who is angry
with his brother will be subject to judgment.
And here, Jesus is dealing with sinful,
horrible anger.
The kind of anger that we see Absalom
having towards his own brother, Amnon.
What Jesus is basically saying is that
if you have this kind of anger in your heart,
you've already committed murder.
It's in the same category as adultery.
Committing it in your heart.
If you're committed to kill him,
you've already murdered him as far as
God is concerned.
And that was what Absalom had
in his mind for two years.
He murdered him when he set out to do it
and developed a plan--in God's sight.
But he acted out on that after two years.
The apostle John addressed this issue.
Anger distorts our thinking.
1st John chapter 2, verse 11:
But the one who hates his brother
[there's the strong word] is in the darkness,
[and] walks in the darkness,
[and] doesn't know where he's going,
because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
See, hatred distorts our thinking--
blinds us to do horrible things.
We see this played out on television
a lot in reports of people who do
horrible things in a state of anger.
John talked about that a long time ago.
And here, John actually equates this kind
of anger with murder in
1st John chapter 3, verse 15:
Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer...
See, in essence, that's what Jesus was saying.
And that's what Absalom was guilty of.
...Everyone who hates his brother
is a murderer, and you know that
no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
Now I can't place judgment on Absalom
and his relationship with God. But I only
know that in this case, John says
no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
Now there's forgiveness.
We see this in David's life.
God forgave him. But he paid a price.
And anger was a [result]-- or the cause of this horrible murder.
Absalom murdered in his heart
before he killed Amnon.
It happened when he decided he was
going to do it.
Now, I want to talk about the other kind of anger.
Anger that is not sinful.
Feelings of anger are normal.
We all have these feelings because
we're made in the image of God.
God's a God of love and a God of anger too.
And we're made in His image.
But anger becomes sinful when it leads
to resentment and bitterness.
When we let the sun go down on our anger,
as Paul says in Ephesians chapter 4:
Be angry and do not sin. ...
It's almost a directive there.
It is a directive.
Allow yourself to be angry because that's normal.
And in essence, if I would interpret that
and add to it from what I know about anger,
I would say: Don't repress it.
Don't repress it. But in your anger, don't sin.
So there is anger that is not sinful anger.
If all anger were sin, we'd all be sinning
all the time because we do have feelings of anger.
We get disturbed. We get upset.
But in our anger, do not sin:
...Don't let the sun go down on your anger...
That means don't let it linger.
Don't let it turn into bitterness.
It's a metaphor, really.
That's not justifying the fact that
once the sun goes down, you can wait another
24 hours before the sun goes down again.
What it's saying is: Don't let it linger.
Don't let it grow into bitterness because
if you do, Paul says right here:
...don't give the Devil an opportunity.
Because boy, Satan looks for that.
And when Absalom hated his brother to the point
he wanted to take his life, that's when the Devil moved
right into his life. That was the opportunity
that Satan was looking for.
And that kind of intense, persistent bitterness
opens the door to Satan to cause us to do things
that normally we just wouldn't do.
And so God, you see, addresses normal anger
but He also addresses anger that is sinful.
So the Reflection and Response question:
How can we keep normal and
appropriate anger from becoming vindictive,
causing us to hurt people in ways
that violate God's will for our lives?
Well let me give you a general Principle.
Actually, I'll do that with some
Scriptures from the Proverbs.
And these are powerful Principles.
Look at Proverbs 14:29:
A patient person shows great understanding...
What causes patience? Great understanding.
...but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
Now it's easy to be impatient. But what
this Proverb is saying is: The more you
understand what has precipitated someone
who attacks you or does something
wrong to you, the more patience that
you have in controlling that anger.
I remember a guy called me one time on the phone.
A young guy.
He was mad. He was mad at me.
Mad at the elders of the church.
He was mad at the professors at the
seminary he was going to.
He was mad at his wife.
He was mad at everybody.
And I was listening to him on the phone.
This was after a service one day.
I was home and I got this call. And to be
honest with you, the more he was attacking,
the more angry I was getting.
Until I told myself:
There's something that's driving this man.
There's something that's causing him to be
this vulnerable to attack me this way.
And to attack other people I love.
And as I developed that concept, I began to listen.
And I began to control my own emotions.
Because I was trying to understand
where he was coming from.
I wasn't justifying what he was doing.
And the fact is, we met. And I told him we
needed to meet because I said to him at one point:
You know, we need to talk.
And we got together.
Then I found out the real cause of his anger.
He was blaming everybody but the real
causes of his anger.
And we walked through that in about an hour.
And by the way, at the end of that conversation,
he had tears running down his cheeks. And he said:
You're the first person who's loved me
enough to tell me what's wrong with me.
In fact, the very next day he caught me
in the parking lot as I was driving out,
and he came up again.
I rolled down the window and he said:
I want to tell you "thank you".
You're the first person that's loved
me enough to tell me what's wrong with me.
If I had not developed that perspective
of patience to try to understand and help him,
I would have only alienated him.
And probably in my own anger,
sinned against him.
So this proverb is significant.
In fact, we have another proverb
that's very similar,
chapter 17, verse 27:
The intelligent person restrains his words,
and one who keeps a cool head is
a man of understanding.
So you see, the more we understand,
the more we comprehend,
the more wisdom we have.
The more we're able to control those
feelings that we all have in relationship to
our lives and controlling this emotion.
You know, there's an interesting thing
here in relationship to our children.
Now the fact of the matter is, even as adults,
if we repress anger. If we don't deal
with anger and express it appropriately,
it will automatically lead to depression.
Two plus two equals four.
Repressed anger leads to depression.
So how do you express it without being sinful?
And that's one of the big challenges.
And one of the things that we need to understand.
And this is wisdom I believe that God
can give us. Is that when somebody is angry,
one of the things that we need to avoid saying is:
Don't feel that way.
You shouldn't feel that way.
Now they shouldn't fell that way
but they do feel that way. And to tell them
they shouldn't feel that way isn't very helpful.
But I found with adults and even with children,
particularly with children, if you understand
that anger and say in response:
You know, you must feel very angry.
I've seen children just melt back when
they're expressing anger, and you say:
You must be very, very angry.
For example, a child is angry at their teacher.
Angry at the fellow students. And you say:
You must be very angry.
Something must have hurt you today.
And all of a sudden, they get honest
and then they tell you what happened to them today.
And then you begin to realize they
had a right to be angry.
A teacher embarrassed them.
A student made fun of them.
But they're not able to express that
until we give them the opportunity,
draw that out by identifying with their anger.
And that works with adults, doesn't it?
We've all experienced it.
We don't respond very well
when somebody says: Don't feel that way.
You shouldn't feel that way.
Well we do feel that way.
How can I overcome that?
And one way is to be able to express it.
To talk it out. And be able then to avoid
acting out in a way that it leads to sinful anger.
So here's the Principle to Live By:
We are to not harbor intense anger
and hatred in our hearts since it can lead
to terrible acts of sin.