do you realize that when you get into a relationship with somebody with bpd but
you might not know that's happening and you have codependency but you might not be aware
of that in the beginning but looking back at it now bpd relationship breakup wherever you are
with all this see off and on again the i can't go no contact the really woundedness of all this you
know it's it's incredibly painful for people and it's multi-layered multifaceted i'm out here to
work with you by resonating with you to help you in the healing and recovery process from
the relationship breakup the relationship and codependency and what happened in your
childhood that got you into the relationship with cluster b in the first place none of this
is happening in your conscious awareness right but what's really important to know about this is
so when you get idealized and and or love bombed or whatever you want to call it by that borderline
well i mean personally it's all about them it's all about their need right and they're
but then people with codependency have a need for relationships as well some people with
codependency have a hard time some social anxiety have difficulty approaching like if if you're a
man you might have some difficulty approaching women not all men do with codependency but when
the borderline woman comes so or the borderline male for the female or whatever the case may be
when they just come and they're just like so like wanting to smack together right
like the jerry maguire quote you had me at hello or the other one from that movie oh that movie was
just like a codependent um i don't know what on a stick um but quote um you complete me ungroup
see this is what can never happen between an entry to borderline or or anybody with active
bpd and a codependent who's untreated is this you complete me thing which is actually what people
are hoping for in an unconscious way because the borderline is far from complete as you know they
don't know south they don't know who they are if they're untreated and people with codependency you
don't know yourself as well maybe as you thought you did because because the parties help you know
from up here doesn't speak to the wounded inner child in you and more family words and issues etc
so but do you become so but sorry do you become the favorite person well whether you actually get
to label a favorite person or not you get into the role a favorite person with a borderline
in a relationship when you're the partner of course that can happen if you're a friend it
can happen in many other relationship types too but when a borderline is keying in on somebody
and not in a conscious way but when they are you're the one that they think is the greatest
thing since sliced bread until all of a sudden one day they put you on that pedestal only to rip you
painfully off it and you're like what is going on here what happened and people are years after the
fact of these things happening to them that you know ghosting and the bpd relationship break up or
however it happens people are years out sometimes when they contact me to work with me because they
can't take the pain anymore and make no mistake about it you get into these relationships
because you have codependency because you have your own unresolved childhood issues that are
in an unconscious way lead you into this what feels so amazing you know smack together where the
borderline doesn't know themselves usually they're untreated they have quite they're not all the same
but many of them have their own patterns but they many have a pattern of you know just going from
one to the other to the other relationship some more so than others but the bottom line
is you sort of become like the favorite person whether they identify you as that or not because
then it becomes for the person with entry to bpd on me knows to you this i gotta have your
attention i need you 24 7. what do you mean you got to go to work what do you mean you'd rather
spend time with the friend what do you mean you're going to be 10 minutes late because
they don't have any reference for self they don't have any reference for other that would be you
and so what's really going on it's like you're the favorite person and that's not a good thing
favorite person is just another object other it's just somebody taking the place of somebody
that they have unresolved issues with big time you know adverse experience from childhood with
so if you are the if you were a partner if you were a significant other if you still are trying
to get on on off again recycling you want to be over you're hovering can't stop looking at the
social media you really need to get into therapy that's the one action step to take and like i said
if i resonate with you i'm out here to help you because you can't help yourself out of this trust
me people have tried people try other people's you know try this thing that thing is thing 12
step groups that's not the way to get the healing and recovery work done it's family of origin it's
inner child healing and many more aspects to it than that so if you think you might be the
favorite person watch out or if you think you were and the other thing too is these are trauma bond
relationships please refer to my podcast episode i put up on this channel if you haven't listened
to that yet it will really benefit you to do so because these traumatic connections aren't love
and when they break up when the breakup happens with many an untreated borderline is going to
happen really quickly it's going to blindside you and then you still want to get back who you
thought they were and people go but i can't go no contact i can't stop thinking about
them the rumination is horrible people think all of this is driven by addiction it's not
it's driven by trauma and trauma that comes from your childhood as well as trauma from
the relationship with the person with bpd but whether you're seeing his favorite person as
well as boyfriend girlfriend or if you got married and you were husband or wife make no mistake about
this people with bpd have no cell from which to actually connect to you attached to you
really see or hear you they need you to show them who they are they need you to reflect back to them
the lost self the lack of identity something that people with bpd untreated cannot just switch off
cannot just act as if or opposite of or or ask the question what would jesus do or what would
buddha do no they need years of therapy in which this can be healed and recovered from but and that
therapy is a psychodynamic modality by the way not dbt dbt is a great place for them to start
the bottom line is if you have codependency and you're you're feeling like are you telling
yourself well you know i gotta get them back i gotta get them back they need to be who i
needed them to be who i fell in love with who i thought they were what are you gonna do because
people with codependency have learned in early childhood through painful experience of their own
to not want to be alone in many cases to not want to be out of a relationship in in many cases and
to not want to have to deal with the original core pain that created codependency that led
you to the borderline but there is no love where there is abuse and there is abuse where there is
a trauma bond and sometimes it isn't just from the person with bpd sometimes it's coming back
from the personal codependency whatever the case is though you need to get yourself into therapy
because that's the only way to heal and recover from these relationships and if you're still
telling yourself well i can't go no contact i don't feel ready i can't stop looking at the
social media believe me i understand no judgment here but all those statements you're making you're
blocking your own way and you're increasing you're suffering with i can't statements that really mean
you won't but it might feel like you really can't but you can make a different choice
and you will need to at some point but make no mistake about this even if you go for no contact
even if you feel like you're moving on it takes therapy to break that trauma bond