Over the past month, several states have introduced
harsh new laws limiting or banning abortion.
These bans are spreading so fast,
even measles as an epidemic is like,
"Yo, you need to slow down."
For more on this and what's happening,
we're joined by my good friend Neil Brennan, everybody.
-(cheering and applause) -Yo.
What's up, buddy?
Thanks, Trevor.
People, these abortion laws are getting out of hand.
First the ban started at eight weeks.
Then it was six weeks.
Pretty soon, they're gonna start saying
that life begins at eggplant emoji.
And if you're shocked about this, you shouldn't be,
because for 40 years, Republicans said,
"If we get enough power,
we're gonna overturn Roe v. Wade."
And you know what happened?
They got enough power.
Now they're trying to overturn Roe v. Wade.
It's like how I heard my entire life
that when I turned 40, my neck would start hurting.
And guess what happened when I turned 40?
Uh, your neck started hurting.
It all started hurting, buddy.
My neck, my back, my tushy and my crack.
(laughter and applause)
Thank you. Look... Republicans have shown
that they are ruthless, maniacal and laser-focused,
and, frankly, I respect it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Neil, Neil. You respect...
How could you respect restricting women's bodies?
I don't respect what they're doing.
I respect how they're doing it.
If Republicans believe in something,
they don't back down from it.
Republicans are the kid in the back seat of the car
nagging their mom until they get their way.
"Mom, can we go to McDonald's?
"Mom. Mom.
Mom. Mom. Mom."
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I think we all know where this is going.
Yeah, to McDonald's.
(laughter)
You know why?
'Cause Republicans are relentless.
Honestly, I wish Democrats would be more Republican.
Wait, I'm sorry. What does that mean?
It means that Democrats are too nice.
Remember Obama? Remember him?
Black guy. Yea high. President.
In 2009, he came in proposing universal health care,
but Republicans said, "What about insurance companies
and the deficit and wait time?"
So, by the end, Obama was like, "Okay, I'll compromise.
"Here's 20% of what I proposed and a busted-ass website.
Good luck with your infections."
So, wait. So, you think Democrats
shouldn't have consulted Republicans at all?
Yeah. Because back then, Democrats controlled
both chambers of Congress and the White House.
They didn't need Republicans.
Getting universal health care
should have been an easy slam dunk,
but instead, it turned into this.
(bleep)
-(laughter) -Oh, wow! Wow, okay.
Okay, that's just embarrassing.
Yeah.
That's Democrats in power, buddy.
Republicans, on the other hand, refused to yield.
They said ban abortion, no exceptions.
Rape, incest, doesn't matter.
Even if the ultrasound showed
that the baby was gonna be a werewolf,
they wouldn't care.
They'd be like, "Here's a pacifier and a razor.
"Congrats on your hairy-ass baby.
Don't let him out after dark."
Okay, I think I get what you're saying.
So, you're saying that the Democrats
need to be as relentless as the Republicans.
But the question is,
are liberals even capable of that?
Of being annoying?
Oh, yeah.
You ever ask for a plastic bag at Whole Foods?
They shame walk you down the tabbouleh aisle
as gender-fluid yoga instructors pelt you with organic yams.
(laughter)
Democratic politicians need to bring
that big yam energy into governing,
'cause Republicans came to win,
and the only way you're gonna beat them
is by being as relentless as they are.
You want a Green New Deal, Democrats?
Demand it and don't stop demanding it.
Green New Deal. Green New Deal.
Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.
All right, all right. Fine, Neil.
I'll take you to McDonald's. Neil Brennan, everyone.