- Hi, hi, sometimes when I feel lonely,
I sit in my car for a while before going into the house
and imagine I have a family waiting for me inside
that I'm trying to get away from.
Then when I remember I live alone and am childless,
I feel relieved to be alone.
You should try it, it's great!
I don't have kids because I stress out about how my kids
would grow up messed up because the world is messed up.
Like can you imagine raising a son right now?
With the unrealistic expectations that Disney sets for men!
I mean, it just makes me sad when I think about
how my son will have no cartoon role models
to look up to in Disney movies.
People talk about how Disney princesses set unrealistic
expectations for women all the time,
but nobody's talking about how the men are just as bad,
if not worse!
First of all, they're all boring, except for maybe Aladdin.
- Do you trust me?
- I want to trust you because your hairless sculpted abs
are so dreamy, but I can't trust you,
because you lied to Jasmine about your identity.
But at least you have an identity.
So that's a pretty good start.
Quick, name three Disney princes and three things
you like about their personality.
Trick question, they have no personality.
How much do we know about Prince Charming other than his
royal pedigree and apparently poor facial recognition?
Is he a vegetarian?
Is he allergic to mice?
Does he swear in front of his mother?
We know Snow White loves making pies
and has a great singing voice.
We know Ariel is a hoarder and hates her dad.
We know Belle reads dirty novels and is a furry.
But we don't even know if Beast can read?
What message does this send to little boys?
That women don't care who they are,
as long as they agree to marry them?
I can't help but think that's not going to lead
to a lot of happily ever afters.
This isn't even an exaggeration.
Snow White dreams about the Prince marrying her.
♫ Some day my prince will come
Even though she doesn't know anything about him!
She sings about him before she even meets him,
which means she sees him as an idea in her head
and not as a real person, and then when he tries
to introduce himself and I dunno,
maybe tell her a little more about who he is,
she runs away like a lunatic.
Probably 'cuz men are better seen than heard or something.
Oh no, if I get to know this guy I might not like him,
and then how will I marry him?
Ugh.
Better to hold him up to some unrealistic standard
of gentleman in my head and then pick a fight
with him when it turns out he's not at all
who I tried to force him to be.
And then there's Sleeping Beauty.
She meets Prince Philip in the woods
while she's fantasizing about falling in love.
♫ I know you, I walked with you
♫ Once upon a dream
Much like Snow White, Aurora already has an idea in her head
of what falling in love is suppose to be like.
So we're basically telling little boys
that you just have to be in the right place
at the right time and you'll get the girl,
regardless of who you are.
There's no need to develop a personality,
just learn how to stalk someone until you catch them
dancing alone in the woods.
Speaking of which, the Princes are actively encouraged
to take advantage of the princesses
and engage in behavior that isn't totally not assault.
I mean, Sleeping Beauty is an obvious one,
because she can't consent if she's sleeping.
But even in the Little Mermaid, the sea creatures
shame Prince Eric for not being more aggressive
with Ariel on the lagoon.
♫ Sha, la, la, la, la
♫ Ain't that sad
♫ Ain't it shame, too bad
♫ You gonna miss the girl
You know that frustration you feel watching that scene,
wondering why he won't just kiss her already?
Did you ever think that the reason he didn't immediately,
as the Prince, grab this mute defenseless girl and kiss her,
was because he maybe wants to make sure
it's totally consensual?
Also, these Disney Princes are all hot boys!
Do they all have to be hot boys?
Sure, the Disney princesses all have tiny waists
and at least a decent B-cup, but if we're going to criticize
Disney for setting these standards for women,
we should talk about the men too.
All of these Princes are crossfit bros,
I mean, Eric can row, dive, swim?
Aladdin does parkour,
and Prince Philip literally has to fight a dragon.
How is that a useful skill?
None of the Disney princes have any motivations
beyond getting a girl.
Even Aladdin, arguably the most actualized Prince,
just wants to be a Prince so he can rub
Jasmine's magic lamp.
At least the Disney princesses sing about wanting
to escape their provincial lives or be a part of some
other world, they're dreaming bigger than any Prince does.
And before you tell me that Peter Pan
didn't want to grow up.
He doesn't count!
He's a child.
And while we're on the subject, Simba doesn't count either.
He's a lion.
I want my son to model himself after a real
adult human cartoon character, okay?
So, let's recap.
Disney teaches men that they don't need to have
personalities as long as they're hot.
- [Prince] Oh please come back.
I don't even know your name, how will I find you?
- How do you dance all night
and not like introduce yourself?
You must be boring.
Disney teaches men that the only motivation
you need in life is to get the girl.
(soft magical music)
And even when you get the girl,
she only likes you because of an idea in her head,
and not because of who you really are.
♫ Tonight, forget
♫ Forget
Disney also teaches men to be aggressive
when it comes to making a move.
Lie, stalk, pressure them, whatever it takes
to get the job done.
- I wish for you to make me a prince.
- All right, yo, yo.
- The only man in Disney princess movies I care for
is the Hunter in Snow White.
Now that's a real man.
- Forgive me, I beg you your highness.
- He's not only average looking, but he also has his own
agency and saves Snow White's life and like,
didn't get weird with her in the woods or anything.
Can you imagine if he was a Prince?
He'd probably have tried to kiss her,
and she would have liked it.
That's not victim blaming, that is Disney blaming.
Anyways, the Hunter is chill.
We should all be more like the Hunter.
Even though he 100% would have killed Snow White
if she wasn't hot.
So, I dunno.
Just don't have kids, I guess?
Oh, I don't have kids.
Ah, who wants to party?
♫ Ooh, ooh, ooh