As an overachieving newlywed woman I am already preparing my uterus for pregnancy... questions from
people who that I really don’t want to answer because frankly it is none of your business.
Unless you’re my gynecologist.
Good intentions aside, asking women questions like, ‘when are you going to have kids?’,
‘you trying to have kids?’, ‘how many kids do you want because I noticed right now
that your kid count is up to just zero and that really concerns me,’ assumes that they
definitely want to get pregnant, that can definitely get pregnant any old time they
want and have no fertility issues to speak of and also that their private uteruses are
up for public discussion.
And since I am in fact an overachieving newlywed woman, I asked Stuff Mom Never Told You fans
how they’ve dealt with this often unwanted line of uterus-related questioning.
Susana said, ‘Most who know me well enough not to ask.
Those who have asked are my students (7th and 8th graders) and there is nothing so infuriating
as having a 13-year-old patronizingly say, “You’re still you.
You’ll change your mind.”’
Julie said, ‘I was asked if I was pregnant when we announced our wedding.
I’ve been asked if our dog is a baby substitute and if my husband might be “too old” to
be a dad and didn’t I think it through before we got married.
My response varies from “that’s between and my husband” to “I need neither your
advice nor your approval”.
Amy says, ‘My husband has a giant head, so depending on who’s asking, “Are you
kidding?
Have you SEEn the size of his head?” tends to shut down inquiries.’
Melissanichole says, ‘I still love my husband’s response of “we haven’t found the right
position yet”.
Holly said, “As someone who has fertility issues, I give them ALL of the low-down and
make them feel bad about asking.
They want to be nosy then they can deal with the consequences of asking and realize that
it’s painful for me and my husband.’
Leigh said, ‘We’ve responded with “we’re waiting until we stop swinging because we
want to know who the father is.”
People either know us well enough to know it wasn’t true and laugh and realize they
shouldn’t ask or people just gave us funny looks and changed the subject.’
Jen said, ‘I like to answer those questions with a similarly invasive one, possibly about
the state of their relationship, or maybe the frequency and consistency of their bowel
movements for example, wait for their outrage and then compare their questions with mine.’
And Danielle brings up a good point.
‘Also fun: when you’re pregnant and everyone touches your belly without permission.
I used to lean over and touch their’s.’
Larriann said, ‘It sort of squicks me out when folks ask if my daughter and son-in-law
are having children soon.
Um, not my sex life, not my choice.
Eeeewww.’
Noel said, ‘I told my mom that we had a box of 40 condoms at home and we would start
trying after we were done with them.’
Maggie said, ‘I’m actually looking forward to menopause because I’ll no longer have
to endure constant questioning of when and if and how I am having children.
Why does the same question not get asked to my husband as much as it does to me?’
Lindsay says these questions are the worst.
‘We got this immediately upon getting married.
Then we actually started trying a year later and found out we have issues (took us a total
of 4 years), so the baby questions were particularly hurtful then.
I lost my grace a long time ago and now just resting bitch face stare them down until they
run away crying.’
Tyler also raises an excellent point.
‘It bothers me how “having kids” is synonymous with “getting pregnant” in
most of these questions.
Other ways of becoming parents like being surrogate, adoption, fostering are exceptions
and to many not “real parenting”.
And Danni said, ‘As a remarried widow with children from my late husband, could I also
add that it gets really weird when people speculate on whether the new husband “wants
one of his own”?
Because you know, my feelings don’t matter at all, never mind the insinuation that the
children we are now raising together aren’t “his”.’
Amie said, ‘I always told people I prefer babies I can give back.’
Jee-Yun said, ‘I don’t mind people asking as long as they don’t imply that I am running
out of time.’
Tick tock.
Rhiannon Mako, ‘I’m not even married but in a committed, longterm relationship and
we get this question.
I usually give a snarky response that’s supported by an example: “I just bought
a sports car, there’s no room for a baby seat in there!”’
Claire said, ‘Those questions are good training so that if you later decide to have children
you can be prepared to respond to questions about whether you feel “guilty” going
back to work after the baby or if you are “upset” that you “have to” send your
child to daycare.
In other words, don’t let the questions pressure you because having kids just causes
more impertinent questions.’
So now dear viewers what’s your best comeback to the ‘when are you having kids?’
interrogation.
Let me know in the comments below.