So you're curious about butt stuff.
Ooh.
You are definitely not alone. Over the last few months, we have seen a pretty dramatic
increase in the number of questions that we've been getting about anal play. But if you have
never ventured backdoor before, it might seem pretty intimidating. So today we are going
to break it all down for you and teach you the basics. Class is in session for anal 101.
I bet they didn't teach that where you went to school.
Probably not.
So if you're brand new here, then hello. We are Vanessa and Zander Marin. Vanessa here
is a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.
And our channel is all about giving you the tools you need to create an extraordinary
relationship inside the bedroom and out. So if you already know you're interested in that,
just go ahead and hit that subscribe button right now.
So anal sex is pretty polarizing. Some people love it and some people don't even understand
the temptation to try it.
Those people are not watching this video.
I guess probably not, but we are really curious to hear from you what word do you associate
with anal sex? Leave that word down in the comments below just so we can see how you
feel about it.
All right, so let's talk about why we think anal is worth your consideration.
It's just consideration, that's it.
Yeah, you don't have to do it, but here's some reasons why you might want to consider
it. So the first one is simply that it feels good. You have nerve endings in and around
your anus just like you have nerve endings in every other part of your body, basically.
So it can feel very good. There are even some people who have orgasms just from anal play
alone.
And then second, it just feels exciting. It's a taboo thing for many people and that can
add that extra thrill to the experience.
Yeah, if you're sitting here watching this video going like, "Ooh, I don't know if I
can do this."
You might like it.
You might like it. All right, the third reason that we wanted to name is that it can be a
fun way to play around with gender roles. You definitely don't have to do this, but
there are a lot of straight couples that enjoy playing around with like a strap-on or a dildo.
And the woman is the one playing with the man or penetrating the man. It can be like
a really fun way to play around with things. Again, you don't have to do this. There are
tons of ways to play around with anal play, but this is just one option.
And then fourth, it is something new to explore with your partner. One of our favorite pieces
of advice for couples in long-term relationships is to try new things in the bedroom. If you
watch this channel, you hear us say that probably in every single video. So trying anal is definitely
going to shake things up. It'll be something new. Now let's talk about the crucial steps
that you need to take before, during and after to make it a safe, pleasurable experience
for all parties involved.
All right, tip number one is to stay safe. Just like any other sexual act, we want to
spend a little bit of time talking about safety.
Safety first.
Of course. So first and foremost, consent. You want to make sure that both partners are
not only willing to do it, but excited about doing it. A lot of people have different opinions
about anal so it's really common in a relationship for one partner to really want to try it and
the other partner to be a little bit more uncertain. So we hope that this video opens
up some conversations. You guys can talk about it, but definitely don't explore it unless
you are both on board with it.
Yeah.
And then of course, just like with any other type of sex, you also have to take precautions
to keep yourself safe during anal. So you can't get pregnant from anal sex, but you
can transmit sexually transmitted infections through anal sex. In fact, anal sex tends
to be a higher risk activity because the tissues in the anus and the rectum are pretty delicate,
they can get micro tears and it can be easier to pass along sexually transmitted infections.
So you definitely want to make sure that you use a condom when you do anal unless you are
already fluid bonded with your partner.
All right, tip number two is get prepared. So proper hygiene is very important. Yes,
there will be traces of fecal matter. It is unavoidable.
But it's so minor. I think people really freak out about this. They're like, "Ph my God,
I'm going to be touching poop." And it's like, you're not. [crosstalk 00:04:24]
I'm sorry to say this, but you are probably encountering traces of fecal matter in your
day-to-day life anyway. It's just the reality of life.
It's Just a poop-filled world.
Yeah. However, there are a couple of things that you can do to minimize or mitigate this.
So first, empty your bowels beforehand, then take a shower after that bowel movement, clean
the outside of your asshole with a bit of soap and water while you're in the shower.
It's really all you need.
All good hygiene tips kind of on a day-to-day basis anyway and then also avoid anal sex
if you have an upset stomach or you've just had some messy bowel movements recently, also
a good idea. Then you want to keep some tissues within arms reach for easy cleanup while you're
doing it. You can put a towel under yourself if you are particularly nervous about messiness,
but it's really not necessary. And if you don't want to risk any chance of residue touching
you, then you can use a condom.
Yeah. Even if you don't usually use condoms, a condom is an easy way to make this feel
a little bit cleaner.
And then finally, in terms of preparation, lube, lube, lube. Lube is non-negotiable for
anal sex. The rectum does not produce lubrication. Spit is not enough.
No, no.
So yes. Lube, have it ready, have it be plentiful. Don't be shy about it.
All right, tip number three is to ease your way into it. So if this is your first time
exploring any sort of anal play, you're probably going to be nervous. So go through all those
preparation steps that we talked about beforehand, but then once you're in the moment like don't
go straight for anal. I think a lot of people get pretty nervous about trying it and they
just want to get to it and see what it's going to be like.
Yeah or there's one partner that's been waiting for so long and they're like, "I finally get
to do it." And if that is you, consider this that anal is difficult. It takes some time
to work up to if you are so gung ho about it your first time, it's probably not going
to be a great experience. And the likelihood of you getting to keep trying that experience
and try it to completion is going to diminish greatly. So take your time.
Yeah. So make sure that you spend plenty of time getting aroused, being intimate with
each other in other ways. You can even have an orgasm first if you're the one who's going
to be the recipient of the anal play. Having an orgasm can really relax your muscles, relax
you mentally. So that can help a lot. And now our biggest pro tip for exploring
anal is it doesn't have to be sex, it doesn't have to be intercourse right away.
Yeah, penetration.
We actually think it's much better to start off with your fingers first. So fingers are
obviously a lot smaller and easier to play around with. And it'll give you a sense of
like, "Do you even like this kind of stimulation here?" And that can help you decide if you
want to go further or not. And you really can take even like a few sessions just playing
around with fingers. Again, there's no rush. You're not going to get a gold medal for having
anal as quickly as possible. So try playing around with your fingers first. If you're
really nervous, you can even just touch the outside of the anus. You don't have to have
any penetration whatsoever.
It still feels really good.
Yeah. Most of the nerve endings are around the outside penetration isn't necessary in
order to feel good. We also recommend pairing a little bit of anal play with another activity.
So for example, if you're giving your partner a hand job, you can have the other hand, sleek
and backdoor, or you can do with oral sex as well. Again, this is just another way to
ease your way into it because you'll be feeling pleasure in maybe some of the other ways that
you're more used to feeling, but also experiencing what it's like to have a little anal play
on the side.
Mm, good idea. All right, tip number four is let the receiver be in control. So letting
the receiver dictate the pace and the depth of penetration is going to minimize pain and
ease any lingering nerves.
And this works for anal play with fingers or with penetration with like a penis or a
dildo or something.
Yeah. So one of the best ways to do that is try doggy style because that position really
allows the receiver to be in control of the movement. So instead of the person behind
doing the thrusting, let the person in front do the rocking back and forth.
Oh yeah, I like that little ...
Sorry, I can't really do it in this chair. C'est la vie. All right and when you start
going, go as slowly as possible. And this will allow you to really focus on relaxing
the muscles in your butt as much as possible. Doing some just slow breathing in and out
will really help relax the sphincter.
Oh, the sphincter. You throwing out those [crosstalk 00:09:11] terms.
Yes sirree.
There are two of them actually.
Yeah. So now the receiver should also be aware of what it feels like and if there's any pain,
and really be aware of good pain versus bad pain. So it should feel like it kind of hurts
so good, but it shouldn't be like a sharp or a stinging pain. So if you're noticing
that, then take a break.
Yeah. We just want to be really careful here. Sex should never be painful. So we're not
saying like, "Yeah, if you're in pain, that's totally fine." But the reason we're saying
like good pain is because that's how a lot of people describe the sensation of any sort
of intercourse actually or even orgasm too. It's this sense of like, "Ooh, it hurts so
good. There's like this little twinge of something." But again, just want to be super clear. We
are not saying if you're in pain like that's a good thing or just keep going.
Yeah. So of course, yeah, don't ever push yourself to keep going if it's not feeling
right. And then, yeah, wait to increase the speed until it really feels like you're in
a groove. And after that you can add additional stimulation if you want like a vibrator or
use your hands for some manual stimulation. Yeah.
All right. So that brings us to tip number five, proper aftercare. So let's assume you've
moved forward, it was great, you enjoyed it.
Done the deed.
People have their orgasms, now what? So quick little tip here. If somebody has been doing
some penetrating, then they should pull out as slowly as possible. This extrication can
feel a little bit strange for the receiver. So again, you just want to keep going slow.
That's just the keyword for anything anal. It's just slow. So afterwards, both people
should wash up with a little bit of soap and water. You definitely want to make sure to
be careful about continuing with other kinds of sexual contact until you've had that cleanup.
Just because there are more bacteria that you're talking about here.
So in particular, if you've been playing, putting something into the rectum, you don't
want to then put it directly into a vagina because you can lead to infections. So just
take a little bit of time to clean up afterwards. I also want to note a couple of like ultra
specific things here, but I just think they're useful to know.
It's better to be prepared.
It's better to be prepared. The receiver, you may notice that the next time you have
a bowel movement, there's probably going to be some lube and ejaculate that comes out
as well. It might feel a little weird, just be prepared for that. And getting even more
graphic here, there may be a tiny bit of blood as well. Like I was saying earlier, the tissues
in the rectum are really sensitive, they can tear quite easily. If you see just a little
bit of blood, that's okay. But if you see any like significant amount of blood, then
you definitely want to go check in with your doctor.
Yeah. They tear quickly, but also heal very quickly, right?
Yeah, they're resilient little guys.
So great. That wraps up our video on how to try anal for the first time. If you liked
this video, please give us a like, hit that red button down below to subscribe to our
channel. And click the notification icon too so you keep getting those videos as soon as
we release them.
You know, maybe we should have picked a slightly different topic to end on the other than the
bloody stool, but.
Yeah, so there's going to be some blood. Hit that like button, please.
We wanted to give you guys all the facts, all the information just to prepare yourself,
but going back to maybe some of the first points that we talked about earlier. Anal
play can definitely be fun. There are nerve endings there. It's a part of your body that
deserves some love and some exploring so hopefully this inspires you to give that a shot.
Yeah. If you're excited to try anal sex, smash that like button.
All right. So we do know one of the biggest challenges that can come up around anal is
that maybe you're really interested in trying it, but you've never talked about it with
your partner before, and you're feeling pretty shy and nervous. Maybe you're worried how
your partner is going to react. So if that is the case for you, then we have a free gift
for you. We have a guide called How To Start Talking About Sex With Your Partner Even If
You Never Have Before. So we'll walk you through specific phrases
that you can say, how to say them, get this conversation going in a way that feels really
unintimidating and ends up feeling very connecting for the two of you. So we'll put a link to
that down in the description box below. Thanks so much for watching.
See you next time. Yaddy yaddy, yaddy, yaddy. Breathe in and
out. What the fuck?
Did you not read this beforehand?
Breathe in and out of your Bible? How do you do that?
How do you imagine that you are?
I did read this... Wait, imagine that you're breathing in and out?
Yeah, it can help you like relax.
I can't say that.
Okay, then don't say it.