What do you need, radical rosemary?
More water? Less water? Sparkling water? Use your words.
[phone ringing]
I'm so busy; work texts, plant cam,
shopping for wigs that let's face it,
never going to buy.
Harper keeps saying that I should get an assistant.
But it usually only comes up when it's her turn
to unload the dishwasher.
I just wish I had more time to spend with you, Granddad.
Don't worry about me, Carly.
Since I retired, I've gotten used to being lonely
and bored. I spent most of my days watching reruns
of
Let me go through my schedule and find time for us
to spend together.
Uh. No. Not then.
Why did I write panic attack with a smiley face?
Carly, you have no system. Here, let me show you mine.
Those, all just say watch
If they stop rerunning that show,
I don't know what I'll do.
Granddad, that system is actually amazing.
Wait. You should be my assistant.
Think about it. You're bored, You're super organized.
And you love unloading the dishwasher.
Unless you think it'd be weird.
No, I think it would be a great way
for us to spend time together.
I'll start right now.
Why do you need to call your doctor
about an irregular cycle?
Is your Peloton broken?
There it is. There's the weird part.
Now the menu is not finalized yet, but check this out.
I took my smoothie pops, aka Smops,
and I made them with juice, behold, the J-Smop.
So they're just... popsicles?
Yeah, but I copyrighted J-Smops.
Okay, I have to go.
I'm auditioning hamsters for a therapy position.
Parking's a nightmare.
How do you audition hamsters for therapy?
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Some hamsters can be more empathetic than others.
I'm just kidding. I buy a bunch of hamsters
and the ones who don't run away, get the gig.
[chuckles] Yeah, you'd better go.
Finding a parking spot in Seattle
is like finding a quiet Aries.
[laughing] Right.
[laughing] So true.
[laughing]
Don't even get me started on how an Aries gets gas.
Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye bye.
Total Aquarius move.
Not that he would know.
Yeah, not that he would know.
Agreeing with Millicent makes me feel young.
Pearl loves astrology,
and I want to be able to talk to her about it.
Ooh, let me see your birth chart.
It's like the old saying,
Teach a man to fish and he'll catch a Pisces.
[laughing]
Ooh, girl, let me catch a breath.
That is fully hilarious for those in the know.
Just plug in the time and location of your birth
and your mother's pelvic angle.
31 degrees, very auspicious angle.
Very sad I know that.
Ah. Moon. Pisces.
The fourth house? Oh, this is bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
What? Does it say I'm going to die?
Worse. Your birth chart is a perfect match
to my birth chart.
We're soulmates.
[chuckles] What?
No, we're not.
I know, I mean, she is so out of your league.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're lucky, Harper even knows your name.
Come on, Harper, this whole thing is bogus.
Your skepticism, balancing my whimsy...
but, of course. We're perfect for each other.
[crying]
Are you crying?
Damn your mom and your scheduled C section.
This J-Smop is hittin'.
I'm working, not shopping.
Not for your lowly assistant to judge, but here goes.
Those shoes are ugly.
Is anything else I can do for you?
I am kind of hungry.
You could have one of my pre-prepared morning snacks.
FYI, they're all yogurt. It helps me go.
Key lime pie. Granddad, you are begging for a promotion.
And I booked you a collab.
- Seriously? - Mm.
I'm surprised you know what a collab is.
I looked up a the list of young words on the web.
I do not want to be a chuji.
So who's the collab with?
Me and the coins.
Hmm. Let me think about it.
[phone chiming]
I-I-I'll get that.
That's your assistant's job.
Carly Shea's office.
Pot guy?
My granddaughter's not a druggie.
The 60's are over. You lost.
It's not the pot guy, it's my pottery guy.
My babies are finally growing up
and going to be able to move into bigger homes.
Hey, guys, it's me, Lacey Mosley.
I play Harper on iCarly
and thank you so much for watching.
Like, subscribe, get into it.