Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Hello'
Japan is under threat once again this week as we check out Ishiro Honda’s The Mysterians!
‘What’s this Mysteroid thing?’
Things start typically enough with fires,
landslides and dead fish heralding the appearance of a heavily armoured giant muppet
destroying miniatures of everything in its path.
Before being taken out by the army
But the question remains
‘Who made it and why’
The answer comes swiftly
‘There’s activity on the dark side of the moon’
Call Pink Floyd!
'Are these signs of other life?'
'Who knows.'
The aliens establish a base on earth. And these aren’t just any aliens,
the earth is being invaded by the home planet of Top Gear’s the Stig!
'We are informing you that of this moment any earthling entering his land will be removed by force'
Some say he can be overpowered just with a hug...
and that he is in desperate need of a new dictionary
‘We are pacifists’
Ummm…
Pretending that you come in peace is a good tactic.
Trying to pretend it after the massacre… that’s not going to work
‘What makes you say that’
I like that these aliens come to Japan rather than America and deal exclusively with Japanese scientists,
'It is cold inside, so please wear a cape.'
on the other hand...
‘You have launched your sattelites into outer space and preparing to visit the moon and mars’
It does seem like Russia or the US would have been a more logical choice.
‘Japan is behind America in terms of science’
I also like that the aliens are from a planet other than Mars
‘We hale from the planet Reochi Shirishi called Mysterioid.’
But...
‘It was destroyed in a great civil war more than 100 millenia ago...'
'but some of our ancerstors relocated to Mars’
if you’ve lived somewhere for 100,000 years can we not agree, that’s where you’re from.
So actually they do come from Mars and there is a great sense in this movies of seen it all before;
epic model battles,
endless talking...
'We'll hold a conference to discuss this.'
and the easiest kidnapping on film.
But aside from this what really lets the film down is the US dubbing.
Texas accent 'There's something strange about it.'
The lead scientist is played by Takashi Shimura, one of Kurosawa’s favourite actors
and it’s a little disconcerting to hear him sounding like Lee Marvin
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
We have Mr Maggoo the fighter pilot...
‘Roger that I copy you’
the campest scientist ever...
‘Good news! Good news!’
And then there’s the translator...
'You've no doubt heard the US launched a satellite from Arizona to watch the Mysterians.'
'Err the united states err launched a satellite to errr observe the Mysterians.'
Who thought that was a good idea?!
'What's wrong with you?'
Now it’s time to say goodbye
'Goodbye'
Well he’s gone
off screen 'Escape quickly, this place will explode soon.'
oh my mistake, but now…
off screen 'The Mysterian's tragedy is a lesson for the earth.'
my mistake again but I’m sure that’s...
off screen 'no matter what, you must not miss use science.'
are you done?!
off screen 'The earth must no repeat the Mysterian's tragedy.'
I’m glad he gets killed.
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'We want you to give Mysterians the right to freely marry your earthling women.'