You suck at PEAS, Yeah you totally suck
Step one to making this salad is to take an extra large size pea and then give that a good roll
Now, these are not bite-sized. So you're gonna want to break them down a little more than that
(the sound of peas going all over the place)
Then you want to take an extra large size radish and also give that a nice shove
(rolling radishes)
These are perfect chopping size now
Fun fact about radishes: This is where red skittles come from
(skittles exploding in every direction)
Kinda regret that I'm off sugar right now
Now quickly rinse off the vegetables' natural disgustitude
(choppity chopping)
I like to cut them into little sticks. You can cut them however you want
(chop)
You can do quarters which is probably too big
(chop)
Maybe eighths is more your size
(chop)
Or one-sixteenths
(chop chop chop chop)
You can also get creative and cut a perfect square
(chop chop chop)
Or an isosceles triangle
(chop chop chop)
Or you can go scalene
(chop chop chop chop)
The radish rhombus is super trendy right now
(soft chop)
You can scare the bejesus out of somebody by carving a wild poison tail radish
You could chop them into the shape of a guy
Or, uh, in the shape of a guy holding a helium balloon
Or in the shape of a guy hula hooping
Or in the shape of a guy doing a sweet christ air off a launch ramp
Totally radish-cal
Or in the shape of a guy who's fishing
And he's having a really good day because he caught this sweet fish
That's being chased by this really fast electric eel
But it's a bad day because he missed out on this treasure that was just below the fish he caught
And it gets worse than that because he was parked illegally on the dock so he got a ticket
And also he had some investments and the stock market just crashed
(sad piano music begins)
And also the fish's wife is home
She's worried sick about her husband
She's wondering when he's gonna come home
But he's never gonna come home
No matter what she does
*sigh* And that's the sad truth about how you should never play with radishes
(choppity chopping)
For the dressing I'm gonna take some olive oil
(glug)
Whoa, no. No no no no
The stopper came off inside the cap
For the dressing let's take some olive oil
There we go more like that
I'm gonna go with some apple Cider vinegar
Little bit of Dijon
And a squeeze of lemon
(wang-jangling with a fork aka fang-jangling)
And some pepper pepper pepper
(more fang-jangling)
A little too much of Vinegar, but it's still good
Now we're gonna put the peas on to boil
If you're using fresh peas, you only want to boil them for about a minute or so
If you overdo it, you lose a lot of flavor and they get too mushy
So I'm gonna set a timer so I don't overcook them
(the tumbling of a thousand peas)
Take a bunch of mint leaves
(mint tearing sounds)
And chop these up
(the sound of chopping these up)
That's pretty good
(many peas falling)
Oh, the peas must be ready
(more peas fall)
Let's get these off the heat and rinse them under cold water so they stop cooking
Now we're gonna combine everything
Got our peas
Our radishes
Let's pour the dressing in
Get that mint in there
Stir this up a bit
(intense wang-jangling)
Now pour a small glass of milk into a white bowl
Give that a quick stir and you end up with feta cheese
(less intense wang-jangling)
There you have it: delicious Pea Radish Feta Salad
Remember this is a summer dish
So you're gonna want to be wearing your sunscreen when you eat it
And remember when you make this, don't listen to the haters
Someone comes around and says, "Hey, I heard pea salad is for weaklings"
You just look them in the eye and you tell them:
♫ I'm ♫
♫ The kinda guy ♫
♫ Who likes a pea salad every once in a while ♫
♫ I'm not gonna eat it everyday of the week ♫
♫ But you can bet your ass that it'll disappear if it's in front of me ♫
♫ Peas ♫
♫ Please wanna live in a world where they grow on trees ♫
♫ Yeah, I cross the seas ♫
♫ I drop to my knees ♫
♫ I'd even go to the store and buy a bag of ♫
♫ Peas ♫
♫ You suck at Peas ♫