>> Greg: YEAH!
YEAH!
[LAUGHS]
WOW.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!
MY GOODNESS.
I GUESS WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT LIZ
CHENEY.
THE LADY WHO PUTS THE Y IN
WYOMING, MD "ING" IN LOSING.
SHE LOST IN A LANDSLIDE TO A
TRUMP BACKED CANDIDATE, HARRIET.
SHE GOT CREAMED BY 30 PLUS
POINTS.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SHE IS STILL
MORE POPULAR THAN MONKEYPOX AND
SHE NO LONGER HAS TO PRETEND
THAT SHE LIVES IN WYOMING. HERE’S PART OF LIZ’S CONCESSION
HERE’S PART OF LIZ’S CONCESSION
SPEECH.
SHE REALLY PUTS THE LIZ IN
LIZARD.
THERE IS REAL STUFF.
>> TWO YEARS AGO I WON THIS
PRIMARY WITH 73% OF THE VOTE.
I COULD EASILY HAVE DONE THE
SAME AGAIN.
THE PATH WAS CLEAR.
BUT IT WOULD HAVE REQUIRED THAT
I GO ALONG WITH
PRESIDENT TRUMP’S LIE ABOUT THE
2020 ELECTION.
IT WOULD HAVE REQUIRED THAT I
ENABLE HIS ONGOING EFFORTS TO
UNRAVEL OUR DEMOCRATIC SYSTEM
AND ATTACKED THE FOUNDATIONS OF
OUR REPUBLIC.
THAT WAS A PATH I COULD NOT AND
WOULD NOT TAKE.
>> Greg: THAT PODIUM HAS MORE
CHARM.
I MEAN, SHE’S REALLY -- I DIDN’T
REALIZE HOW BORING SHE WAS UNTIL
WE STARTED DOING STORIES ON HER.
IT’S ALL ABOUT A THREAT TO
DEMOCRACY.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD
TELL LIZ SHE WAS VOTED OUT.
THAT’S DEMOCRACY.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
BUT I WONDER.
-- BUT I WONDER, WILL SHE
COMPARE HERSELF TO THE GREAT AND
ORIGINAL CHAMPION OF OUR PARTY,
ABRAHAM LINCOLN?
>> THE GREAT AND ORIGINAL
CHAMPION OF OUR PARTY,
ABRAHAM LINCOLN, WAS DEFEATED IN
ELECTIONS FOR THE SENATE AND THE
HOUSE BEFORE HE WON THE MOST
IMPORTANT ELECTION OF ALL.
LINCOLN ULTIMATELY PREVAILED.
HE SAVED OUR UNION, AND HE
DEFINED OUR OBLIGATION AS
AMERICANS FOR ALL OF HISTORY.
>> Greg: JUST THE EGO ON THIS
LADY -- WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE
IS?
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S TRUE.
BUT LIZ AND ABE DO HAVE ONE
THING IN COMMON, THEIR LOVE FOR
THEATER DID THEM IN.
TALK ABOUT A DRAMA QUEEN.
SHE THEN COMPARED ALL OF THIS TO
THE CIVIL WAR.
YOU KNOW, I WONDER IF SHE WILL
CONTINUE THIS BATTLE.
>> I AM ABSOLUTELY GOING TO
CONTINUE THIS BATTLE.
I THINK IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING I’VE BEEN INVOLVED IN AND
I THINK IT’S CERTAINLY THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING -- CHALLENGE
THAT OUR NATION HAS FACED IN
RECENT HISTORY AND MAYBE SINCE
THE CIVIL WAR.
AND IT’S ONE THAT WE MUST WIN.
>> Greg: WHATEVER YOU SAY,
GENERAL LEE.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
YOU AIN’T EVEN SARA LEE.
SHE SEES HERSELF AS
ULYSSES S. GRANT BUT SHE NEVER
WILL BE, HER MUSTACHE JUST ISN’T
THINKTHICK ENOUGH.
I SAID IT ISN’T!
BUT LET’S JUST HOPE IF SHE IS
EVER A WARTIME PRESIDENT HER
TROOPS HAVE BETTER AIM THAN HER
FATHER. BE 20
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]HE SHOT SOME
YOU DON’T KNOW.
BUT MAN, EVEN HER METAPHORS --
HER METAPHORS ARE LINKED TO WAR.
SHE SURE SEEMS OBSESSED WITH IT.
DID SOMEONE SINK A BATTLESHIP
WHEN SHE WAS A KID?
YOU KNOW, THERE’S NOTHING
STOPPING YOU FROM MOVING TO
UKRAINE, LIZ.
BUT WILL SHE RUN FOR PRESIDENT?
I BET THAT THE DECISION SHE’S
GOING TO MAKE IN THE COMING
MONTHS.
>> THAT’S A DECISION I’M GOING
TO MAKE IN THE COMING MONTHS AND
I’M NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY
ANNOUNCEMENTS OR THIS MORNING
BUT IT IS SOMETHING THAT I’M
THINKING ABOUT.
IF
>> Greg: IF SHE WINS IT WILL
BE THE FIRST TIME IN U.S.
HISTORY THAT A FATHER AND
DAUGHTER BOTH HELD OFFICE AS
PRESIDENT.
HOW DELUSIONAL IS SHE?
SHE IS A REPUBLICAN AND
REPUBLICANS HATE HER MORE THAN
THEY HATE CHILDREN.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
I GUESS LOSING AN ELECTION IN A
STATE THAT HAS 82 PEOPLE IN IT
AND 79 OF THEM ARE REPUBLICANS
WOULD BE A SIGN TO ANYBODY IN
THE G.O.P. THAT THEY SHOULD SEEK
THE PRESIDENCY.
SHE HAVE BETTER LUCK OPENING A
TRUMP GIFT SHOP AT MAR-A-LAGO.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
BUT SHE’S NOT LISTENING TO THE
ELECTORATE.
SHE’S LISTENING TO THE MEDIA,
WHO ARE EGGING HER ON.
AGAIN, EXPLOITING HER TRUMPED
ARRANGEMENT.
THEY ACTUALLY CONVINCED HER TO
LOSE, WHICH IS EASY WHEN YOU
CARRY A PERSONAL, EMOTIONAL
VENDETTA.
CHENEY HATES TRUMP BECAUSE HE
HAD NO USE FOR HER OR HER WARS.
HE VIEWED SUCH ENDEAVORS AS A
WASTE OF BLOOD AND TREASURE.
AND YOU CAN ARGUE BOTH SIDES,
BUT HISTORY SEEMS TO BACK TRUMP.
IF THE IRAQ WAR WAS A DISASTER
BASED ON A BIG LIE I’M A
AFGHANISTAN, LIKE THE SKIN ON
PELOSI’S FACE, STRETCHED BEYOND
ITS PURPOSE.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
TERRIBLE!
NO CLASS, THAT’S TERRIBLE!
NATION-BUILDING --
NATION-BUILDING IS A LOT LIKE
DICK CHENEY’S HEART.
IT DOESN’T WORK, AND THERE’S
LOTS OF SURPRISE ATTACKS.
FOR THE LONGEST TIME, LIZ
CONSIDERED THE CHENEY -- LIBS
CONSIDERED THE CHENEY’S EVIL.
THEY MADE MOVIES ABOUT THEM LIKE
"TOOTSIE."
THE MEDIA CONSIDERED A WARMONGER
AND SHE A CHIP OFF THE OLD
BLOCKED ARTERY.
BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED.
THE LEFT IN THE MEDIA FOUND A
VILLAIN MORE EVIL THAN
WARMONGERS.
TRUMP, WHOSE NOT ONE.
SO DEMOCRATS LAVISHED LIZ WITH
PRAISE.
IT WAS LIKE SHE HAD FAKED A
HATE CRIME.
I COULD REVIEW ALL THE TWEETS
FROM LAST NIGHT, FROM THE
FAWNING PRESS, BUT THIS
SUMMARIZES IT BEST.
♪ ♪ ♪ ALL MY INSTINCT MUMU ♪
>> Greg: SO EVEN THOUGH LIZ
WAS CONSIDERED BY THE LEFT TO BE
A WAR CRIMINAL AND TRUMP, BY
COMPARISON, A PACIFIST, HE IS
SOMEHOW WORSE.
POLITICS MAKES STRANGE
BEDFELLOWS.
BUT SO DOES A TRIP TO SANDALS
WITH BRIAN KILMEADE.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
SO NOW IF YOU SUPPORT SENDING
OTHERS TO USELESS WARS YOU’D
NEVER FIGHT IN, YOU’RE A REAL
HERO LONG AS YOU HATE TRUMP.
BUT ALL THOSE PRAISING HER, IT’S
THE SAME VOICE IS MADE
IRRELEVANT WHEN PUBLIC SENTIMENT
LEFT THEM BEHIND.
IF THEY PORTRAY HER AS THE
SELFLESS WARRIOR BATTLING ORANGE
HITLER, BUT YOU SEE THROUGH
THAT.
YOU SEE THROUGH THAT, IT’S ALL
PERSONAL BURIED JANUARY 6TH SHOW
TRIAL REVEALED THAT LIKE A BLIND
GUY PLAYING POKER, SHE SHOWED
HER CARDS.
THIS IS NOT SOME PRINCIPLED
STANCE, IT’S OBSESSIVE REVENGE.
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A CHENEY
WOMAN SCORNED AND HER DAD WILL
HAVE TO WATERBOARD ME TO SAY
OTHERWISE.
KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
THE FACT IS THE VOTERS CHOSE
TRUMP, SENSING THE CHENEY’S HAD
THEIR RUN.
AND THEY DID.
THE VOTERS ALSO MADE QUICK WORK
OF JEB BUSH, GEORGE CONWAY
GOBBLING UP COBBLER.
THE PARTY HAS CHANGED.
IT’S GOT MORE INTERESTING, IT’S
GOTTEN MORE FUN, MORE
UNPREDICTABLE.
THE WAY A FOX NEWS PARTY DOES
WHEN KAT SHOWS UP WITH A BOTTLE
OF TEQUILA AND TWO FRIENDS SHE
MET ON GRINDR.
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS NO
LONGER A BUNCH OF MILLIONAIRES
GETTING RICH OFF THEIR FAMILIES
PLAYING RISK WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S
LIVES.
TODAY WE SEE MORE KEEN ON
PRESERVING THE LIVES OF THOSE
WHO PLEDGED TO DEFEND THIS
COUNTRY.
YOUNG AMERICANS SHOULDN’T NEED
FIVE DEFERMENTS TO AVOID
FIGHTING A USELESS WAR IN
ANOTHER COUNTRY.
SO MAYBE LIZ’S LOSS IS A WIN FOR
THOSE WHO DON’T FIT THAT BILL,
AND THAT’S NOT JUST
DONALD TRUMP.
IT MIGHT BE YOU TOO.
GUESS YOU COULD SAY WE DODGED A
BULLET.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS!
SHE IS SO PERKY SHE COULD BREW
COFFEE WITHOUT A POT,
EMILY COMPAGNO!
AND NOTHING CAN STOP HIM EXCEPT
A REALLY STRONG MAGNET, RETIRED
MARINE CORPS BOMB TECH, JOHNNY
JOEY JONES!
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
HE KNOWS HOW TO DRAW A CROWD ON
PAPER WITH CRANBERRY WRITER AND
COMEDIAN JOE DEVITO!
AND SHE IS THE REASON LIQUOR
STORES HAVE SECURITY CAMERAS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF!
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
EMILY, DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU’RE WATCHING A PERSONAL
VENDETTA BEING EXERCISED IN
PUBLIC AND IT’S LIKE THE JANUARY
ELECTION IS ALL ABOUT -- SHE
SAYS IT’S ABOUT THE BIG LIE, BUT
THE BIG LIE IS THAT SHE IS
DENYING IT’S ACTUALLY HER
PERSONAL FEELINGS.
>> IF LIKE THAT MOVIE "HE’S JUST
NOT THAT INTO" WHERE YOUR
GIRLFRIEND WILL NOT STOP
OBSESSING ABOUT HOW IT ACTUALLY
WOULD WORK OUT AND IT SHOULD BE
HER AND SHE IS ALL THAT BECAUSE
EVERY THING COMING OUT OF HER
MOUTH IS SO STALE, SO
DELUSIONAL.
SHE REMINDS ME FRANKLY OF A
DEMOCRAT WHERE EVERYTHING IS
ABOUT DONALD TRUMP.
SHE SAID THE MAIN PRIORITY WAS
TO DEFEAT HIS ELECTION IN THE
FUTURE.
SHE’S REALLY PARROTING WHAT WE
HEARD IN 2016, AND SHE SAID THAT
SHE WOULD HAVE WON IN A
LANDSLIDE, THAT 30-POINT RESOUND
IN DEFEAT SHE ENJOYED, SHE SAID
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OVERTURNED IF
SHE -- IT WOULD HAVE BEEN -- YOU
KNOW, SHE WOULD HAVE ENJOYED THE
WIN IF EVERYONE HAD THE SAME
PRIORITIES SHE DID.
BUT THE IRONY AND THE WHOLE
POINT IS THAT SHE’S NOT SEEING
THE PARTY AS YOU DESCRIBED,
WHICH IS THAT IT’S DIVERSE, IT’S
FRESH, AND I THINK ALL YOU HAVE
TO DO IS LOOK WHAT AMERICANS ARE
DOING.
HISPANICS, AFRICAN AMERICANS,
ARE FLOCKING TO THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY.
INDEPENDENTS ARE FLOCKING TO THE
G.O.P.
SO OUR STUDENTS AS WELL, BECAUSE
THEY HAVE THE SAME PRIORITIES
THAT SHE DOESN’T, WHICH IS
PUTTING FOOD ON THE TABLE,
INFLATION, THE ECONOMY, CRIME.
>> Greg: BUT HERS WAS ABOUT
JANUARY 6 ALL THE WAY.
IF SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT
ANYTHING ELSE.
>> ZACH LEE.
>> Greg: JOEY, DO YOU SENSE
THAT THIS IS A TURNING POINT --
THEY ARE TURNING IT INTO THE END
OF DEMOCRACY, CIVIL WAR, BUT
REALLY IT’S ABOUT PUTTING
BACK -- LOOKING BACK AT A PARTY
THAT CHANGED AND IT HAS MOVED
ON.
YOU ARE A VETERAN OF WARS
OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
THIS?
>> A COUPLE OF THEM ACTUALLY
THAT I’M A VETERAN OFF.
THE IRAQ WAR, THE AFGHANISTAN
WAR, AND THE WAR AT WALTER REED,
TRYING TO GET OUT OF THERE
ALIVE.
BUT NO, SERIOUSLY IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, YOU BROUGHT UP A GOOD
POINT.
SHE SAID SHE WOULD HAVE WON IN A
LANDSLIDE IF.
GUESS WHAT?
SOMEBODY DID WIN THAT ELECTION.
IN A LANDSLIDE.
WHY DID SHE WIN THAT ELECTION A
LANDSLIDE?
SHE TALKED ABOUT PEOPLE THAT
PEOPLE IN WYOMING CARE ABOUT.
I DON’T KNOW IF THERE
WYOMING’S -- PEOPLE FROM WYOMING
WYOMING.
SHEEP -- IT’S NOT ABOUT TRUMP.
>> Greg: WITH COLUMN -- LIKE
HOMIES.
YOU ARE MY WYOMIES.
IT POPPED INTO MY HEAD.
I THOUGHT I’D NEVER BE ABLE TO
USE THAT AGAIN.
>> I TEED THAT UP FOR YOU, I
SABOTAGE MYSELF.
>> Greg: I’M SORRY, I
INTERRUPTED.
>> I STEP ON LANDMINES ALL THE
TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: BUT IN THIS CASE, I’M
THE ONE THAT CUT YOU OFF.
>> OKAY.
>> Greg: HE STARTED IT!
>> GREG IS JUST MAD THAT I DON’T
HAVE LEGS AND I’M STILL TALLER
WITH THEM.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
AND THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH LIZ
CHENEY.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE US TO CARE
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
>> Greg: IT IS SO TRUE!
I DON’T THINK SHE EVER LAUGHS!
RIGHT?
SHE GOT -- IT’S REALLY WEIRD
WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE CHANGE AND
THEY CAN’T SEE IT THEMSELVES.
I WAS LIKE THIS -- IN 2015 I WAS
LIKE -- BUT THEN IF LIKE -- YOU
HAVE TO STEP OUT AND GO OKAY,
I’M GETTING REALLY EMOTIONAL
ABOUT SOMETHING I SHOULDN’T
EMOTIONAL ABOUT, AND I THINK
THAT’S -- YOU SEE THAT WITH
ADAM KINZINGER COMING SEE THAT
WITH HER.
YOU SEE THAT WITH A LOT OF
PEOPLE.
>> WITH HIM, GOING TO LOSE THAT
SEAT ANYWAY, HE GRABBED A HOLD
OF WHATEVER SALE HE THOUGHT
WOULD HAVE WIND IN IT BUT WITH
HER, SHE CANNOT UNDERSTAND AND
SHE IS SO MAD THAT EVERYONE ELSE
ISN’T MAD ABOUT WHAT SHE’S MET
ABOUT.
>> Greg: EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
SO JOE, DO YOU THINK LIZ IS A
MODERN-DAY ABE LINCOLN?
>> YES.
THE MAIN THING THEY HAVE IN
COMMON IS THAT NEITHER OF THEM
IS GOING TO BE PRESIDENT ANYTIME
SOON.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
AND SHE HAD THAT AWESOME LONG
PODIUM.
THAT WAS VERY -- I THINK IT WAS
HER SLOGAN, VOTE FOR ME OR MY
DAD WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE.
IT RESONATED.
BUT IT’S AMAZING COME YOU TALK
ABOUT THE EAGLE.
SHE LOSES BY 30 POINTS AND
THINKS TIME TO TAKE THIS
NATIONWIDE.
IT’S INSANE.
EVEN A TEAM THAT LOSES TO THE
HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS DOESN’T
THINK IT’S TIME FOR BIGGER AND
BETTER --
>> Greg: TIME FOR THE
OLYMPICS.
>> YEAH.
YOU’RE RIGHT, SHE IS OBSESSED
BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T EVEN
UNDERSTAND HER OWN PARTY.
THE PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE THIS, THEY
DON’T REALIZE THE EGO IS
INCREDIBLE, THEY SAY.
WELL, WHY DON’T YOU VOTE FOR ME,
I’M AWESOME, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT,
YOU STUPID, IGNORANT PEOPLE?
AND IF YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT IF
YOU LOSE, MAYBE YOU WEREN’T THAT
AWESOME.
SO PEOPLE WANT SOMETHING OTHER
THAN PEOPLE WHO TREAT OUR
GOVERNMENT AS THEIR FAMILY
BUSINESS, AND THAT’S WHY SHE IS
NOW OUT OF BUSINESS, HOPEFULLY
FOREVER.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: KAT.
I SUPPOSE YOU FEEL A BIT
VINDICATED OVER THIS.
>> YEAH.
I MEAN, IT’S JUST SO WEIRD
SEEING SOMEBODY PLAY MURDER --
EVERYTHING SHE HAS SHE OWES TO
WAR PROFITEERING.
AND SHE HAD HER DAD DOING ADS
FOR HER ABOUT HOW HE SO PROUD OF
THE TRUTH AND IT’S LIKE BECAUSE
OF THE LIVES OF HER DAD THAT SHE
PEDDLED HERSELF, PEOPLE DIED,
PEOPLE HAVE PTSD, PEOPLE ARE
SEVERELY INJURED AND SHE GETS TO
BE SO BRAVE BECAUSE IT’S EASY TO
BE BRAVE WHEN YOU HAVE MILLIONS
AND MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF
YOUR DADDY’S BLOOD MONEY TO FALL
BACK ON.
GOOD RIDDANCE.
>> SOME OF US GOT A PRETTY GOOD
CAREER OUT OF IT.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: FOR YOU, THE MILITARY
WAS JUST A JUMPING OFF POINT TO
THE "GUTFELD!" SHOW.
>> IT WAS A VERY EXPLOSIVE
STEPPING-STONE.
>> Greg: OH!
YOU KNOW, I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO