If you're filling out an online dating profile
and it asks you to fill out your zodiac sign,
you know, "Are you a Pisces, are you a Capricorn?",
leave it blank,
because anyone who cares what your sign is,
is probably not someone you'd want to date in the first place.
How do we know that horoscopes are just all made up?
I'll give you a bunch of reasons.
Do a little experiment.
The next time you see a horoscope section in the newspaper, or something,
cover up the signs
and just read the descriptions, and see if you can figure out which one belongs to which sign.
Odds are you'll probably get it right
1 out of every 12 times.
Huh.
If you read a bunch of horoscopes
and a bunch of different newspapers,
all for your zodiac sign,
turns out they all say different things.
But if horoscopes were real,
don't you think they would be a little more on the same page?
Don't you think they'll kind of be talking about roughly the same things?
Here's another experiment you could try.
If someone you know believes in astrology,
tell them you're a different sign than the one you actually are,
and just watch their reaction.
Like, "I'm an Aquarius".
"I knew it! Because you're outgoing and smart!"
"I'm just kidding, I'm actually a Virgo."
"Oh."
It's going to be awkward for everyone. It'll be great.
They're always written very vaguely; so they apply to everybody, you know.
"Big changes are in store for you."
"You're under a lot of stress and you need to take a vacation."
"There's a special surprise in store for you."
Like, "No kidding" on all of those things.
Maybe if they were written more specifically, I could take them a little more seriously, like
"Look in your jacket pocket and you'll find a twenty-dollar bill."
"Whoa! Thanks, horoscope!" That never happens.
Horoscopes are supposedly based on the alignment of the stars and planets on the day you were born.
But think about that for a second, because it makes no sense.
I mean, first of all, the Sun doesn't give a shit about whether or not you're a risk-taker.
And secondly,
don't you think then that everyone born under the same sign, on the same day,
would have the same personality?
They don't.
Also, if the alignment of the stars and planets matters because they have some sort of gravitational effect on you,
here's some news for you:
The doctor who delivered you
has way more of a gravitational pull on you
because that's how science works.
Speaking of which,
astrology is all about the day that you were born,
which is kind of arbitrary, don't you think? I mean, your brain, and your genetics, and your DNA.
Those are figured out long before you exit the birth canal.
So, wouldn't the date of your conception
matter a whole lot more than the day you move from
inside the womb to outside of it?
If the alignment of the planets matters on our zodiac sign,
then wouldn't we have gone through a lot of changes over the past
several centuries? Because they've discovered new planets since then.
And Pluto's not even a planet anymore. So, wouldn't that have some effect on it?
Our position relative to the constellations that we see,
changes over time.
So, whatever the constellations you see on your birthday today
are probably different than the one people saw thousands of years ago
on your birthday.
So, wouldn't the signs have to adjust?
Not only that, some news articles have said recently that there may even be a 13th zodiac sign
that we're all just unaware of,
which might screw up the whole process for everybody.
There's this dating website. You may have heard of it: OkCupid.
And years ago, they--
You know, they always ask you what sign you are when you fill out the profile.
And they thought it would be interesting
if they did some sort of graph, if they ran the numbers,
and they saw what the percentage was between, you know, a Virgo and an Aquarius, or a Cancer and a Capricorn.
And they did every matchup you could think of
because they know, based on your profile and the questions you answer,
how likely you are to be able to hit it off.
The higher the percentage,
the more likely you are to get along with that other person.
Turns out no matter what sign you are,
and what sign your partner is,
the percentage was 60% across the board for everybody.
I think there was one
number that was 59%, and that was it.
So, pretty much the same across the board. It didn't matter what your sign was.
It didn't have an impact on how well you would get along with somebody else.
There's a reason the horoscopes are placed right next to the comic strips in a newspaper.
It's all entertainment.
Finally, and this is a true story,
I used to date someone in high school
who now writes horoscopes for those magazines you might see at your grocery store right when you're checking out at the counter.
And I promise you she is pulling these things out of her ass.
My name is Hemant Mehta, and I write at FriendlyAtheist.com
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