Did I ruin my chances of getting my ex back? That's what we're going to be talking about
in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get
the great loving relationship that you are looking for without having to play mind games,
without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something
that you are not. Because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful
person that you are. And if you agree with me, please do me a favor by giving this video
a thumbs up and by subscribing to this channel. When you do hit that thumbs up button, you're
really helping this channel grow. You're helping to share this video, and that tells YouTube
that, okay, this is a popular video. This is a video that I might want to show to other
people because people seem to like it. It's not, I promise you, it's not because I'm some
weird narcissist and I'm like, "Oh, 100 people liked that last video that really strokes
my ego," or anything like that. It really just helps to promote this video
to other folks. Anyway, also we do have our course called connect and commit. Haven't
mentioned that in a while, but it goes through seven specific situations that people often
have a very difficult time with. And these situations can be make or break moments between
you and your ex. And if you can navigate through these situations in an effective sort of way,
you can actually turn them into opportunities for greater connection or even commitment
between the two of you. It does only work with those seven situations. So, definitely
check that out. Definitely make sure it applies to what you're going through. But there's
a link for that below if you think it might help you, if it sounds like you're going through
one of those situations. And if you want to sign up, there's the link down below.
All right. So what we're talking about is, did you ruin your chances with your ex if
you've done something in the past that has set the two of you back, it has stopped the
two of you from connecting, it has caused the two of you to have some sort of argument
or something like that. This is actually very common. A lot of times, people, especially
in the early stages of a breakup will do a lot of things that they regret doing. A lot
of things that they have found out sooner or later that they shouldn't be doing. I have
been there myself. I have done the whole damage control mode thing myself. And so, I'm not
trying to talk down to you or anything like that. I've absolutely been there myself. But
if you continue to do these things, then you are running the risk of pushing your ex deeper
and deeper and deeper into this place where they're closed off more and more and more
and more and more. And we obviously don't want to do that. So,
it's really important that you learn quickly what works and what doesn't work. In one of
the previous videos I mentioned this whole topic of, when is it time to change strategies?
And the grand romantic gestures, and the begging and the pleading, and the promising you've
changed, and the texting like a bunch of times, if that's not working, it's clearly time to
shift strategies. Okay? If for some reason that is working for you, okay, great. Keep
doing it, I guess. Although in my experience that doesn't really tend to work out so well.
Maybe that's just because the people that it does work for don't ever need to watch
these videos. But anyway, that is a side point. Most people though, I think are really just
too hard on themselves. I've worked with people for a long time through
breakups, and a lot of times people are just way too hard on themselves. They think that
if they just pick one wrong word, or say one thing the wrong way, or just have one mistake,
or something like that, that they're just going to totally ruin their chances. And let's
be honest, yes. The things that you say and do matter, but probably not to the walking
on eggshells, micro analyzing every little thing way that you might be thinking. Again,
I've been there myself and I've helped lots of people through breakups in the past. And
one thing that I have noticed is that, it is totally possible to recover from some very
big mistakes and mess ups. And again, I have done this myself.
I did get back together with my big ex from the past. We broke up three times, got back
together two times. The final breakup was when we both realized that, okay, we just
have different values. In order for us to actually be together one or both of us needs
to be unhappy. And so, we parted ways. But we did break up and get back together, and
through the whole process of getting back together I learned pretty quickly that, yes,
you can make a lot of big mistakes and recover from them. So don't worry about that. I've
also helped a lot of people personally, who have made a lot of what they would consider
big mistakes or had a lot of big setbacks, who have been able to work things out and
come back together. So, be a little bit more forgiving and gentle with yourself through
this whole process. Yes. What you say and do does matter. Yes.
How you bring yourself to interacting with your ex does matter. However, it's totally
okay to make mistakes. It's totally possible to recover from that. It's totally okay to
just accept that, hey, you're a human being. You're going to make mistakes. You're going
to have emotional times in your life when maybe you say or do something that you later
on regret. It's part of being human. It's okay. You don't need to beat yourself up for
it. All right. What is most important though, is that we look at what's working and what's
not working, and if it's not working, then we need to stop doing that and re-evaluate,
and then have a different strategy moving forward. That I think is the big thing. Because
when you do something or make a mistake, that's like one thing.
If it's just like an isolated thing, it's like, "Okay, I was in an emotional place.
I said something I regretted. I let the jealousy overcome me. I let the insecurity overcome
me," or whatever the case may be. That's totally understandable. But if it starts to become
a track record of like, okay, I overreacted today, I overreacted tomorrow, overreacted
the next day, and the next day, and the next day, then that starts to push your ex deeper
into an emotional place of what we would call reactants, basically emotional resistance
towards interacting with you. Because they're expecting, okay, when I interact with you,
you are going to show up as that, hypothetical here, insecure person, that needy person,
that jealous person, and that's just going to make them more and more and more and more
and more hesitant about interacting with you. And it's actually going to build trust in
the opposite direction that we want to build trust.
Because they're starting to trust that you are the kind of person that loses their emotions,
that is overcome by insecurity or jealousy, or maybe they may even say you are an insecure
person. You are a jealous person. You are a needy person. And that is going to establish
a consistent pattern where they can start to trust that you are going to overreact to
things, that you are going to take things the wrong way, that you're going to read too
much into things or whatever the case may be. And so, we want to be very careful about
this, and we want to break that negative trust pattern, by again, recognizing when something
isn't working and stop doing that, obviously. And then reevaluate, what's causing us to
do that. Why we're doing that, do we need to do some work on ourselves, inner work?
Get grounded in our own emotional wellbeing. Do we need to have a different strategy? Are
we just following the wrong advice? Are we following reverse psychology advice or something
like that, that you maybe have heard about on other channels? And that's not working
for you. If that's the case, then yeah, let's go ahead
and re-evaluate what the strategy might be moving forward if something that you're doing
isn't working. And so, most people, assuming they can actually learn from the past and
adjust course moving forward, they haven't really blown it with their ex. They haven't
ruined their chances. And so, be a little bit more forgiving and generous with yourself.
Okay. I totally get it. I've been there myself. I've been through breakups. I've gotten back
together with my ex. And I totally can understand that feeling of like, it's all riding on this.
And then you do something and it doesn't have the effect that you want it to have. And then
you feel really bad, like you've ruined your shot, you've ruined your chances, you're never
going to talk to them again, they're never going to forgive you again.
But that is very rarely the case. Assuming you're able to shift things moving forward,
assuming you're able to demonstrate to them that, okay, that was just me having a bad
day. Maybe I did something I shouldn't have done. Maybe I read something on the internet
that caused me to panic or something like that. But if you can break that pattern before
that negative trust pattern gets established, then you can actually recover from it and
create a new possibility with your ex. But you got to start by forgiving yourself. You've
got to start by being a little bit more compassionate and gentle with yourself. And then of course,
yeah, you got to evaluate what strategies are working, what strategies aren't working,
and correct course as need be. Anyway, I hope this has helped you out. Once
again, if you have liked this video, if this video has been helpful for you, please help
me out by hitting that thumbs up button, not to stroke my ego, but to help send a message
to YouTube, that this is a nice video that they might want to show to other people so
that this channel can grow and all that good stuff. Also, if you do want to learn more
about that connect and commit course, we do have info about that down in the description
box below. And if you do want to learn a little bit more about where your ex is at emotionally,
what's going on with them emotionally, we do have a video series on what we call, The
five stages that your ex goes through. That is right over here. Or you might want to check
out this video right here. But once again, thank you so much for watching. I hope you
have a great day. Please take care, and I will talk to you in the next video. Once again,
this is Clay, and I'll see you next time.