It is now day 27
of the longest shutdown in American history.
Funding for low-income housing is in danger.
School lunches are facing cutbacks.
And things have gotten so bad that Air Force One
is now being operated by Spirit Airlines.
(laughter)
Poor Melania. She always pays for Trump's sins.
Look at her. She's like, "This is not best."
Anyway, as you know,
800,000 government employees have not been paid, all right?
The U.S. economy is at risk of sliding into recession,
and now, even most concerning,
the shutdown is even affecting the world of hip-hop.
Native Bronxite Cardi B
now weighing in on the government shutdown.
Hey, y'all, I just want to remind you
because it's been a little bit over three weeks, okay?
It's been a little bit over three weeks.
Trump is now ordering, as in summonsing,
federal government workers to go back to work
without getting paid.
I know a lot of y'all don't care
because y'all don't work for the government
or y'all probably don't even have a job,
but this shit is really (bleep) serious, bro.
I feel like we need to take some action.
I don't know what type of action, bitch,
because this is not what I do.
But, bitch, I'm scared.
That is the most amazing thing ever.
(cheering and applause)
That is so dope.
Like, how cool would it be if Cardi B
somehow ended the shutdown, right?
Like, we find out that Trump is a major fan
because "Bodak Yellow" is his favorite song
and also the color of his hair.
Like, that would be so insane.
And I will say this, if there's one woman
who Trump won't end the shutdown for,
it's Nancy P.
Because, a couple of days ago,
she wrote a letter asking him to postpone
his State of the Union address, right,
in light of the government shutdown.
And after two days--
learning how to write, I assume--
the president wrote a letter back.
President Trump, moments ago, cancelling
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip
to Brussels, uh, Egypt,
and the war zone that is Afghanistan
hours before the speaker and her congressional delegation
were set to leave, uh, saying, in part,
"In light of the 800,000 great American workers
"not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree
"that postponing this public relations event
is totally appropriate." He goes on to write...
(reading):
-Ooh... -(booing)
You can feel Trump said it
like it's the worst thing he could think of.
"If you want to fly commercial,
ah...!"
That's hardcore though, right?
Cancelling her flight
right before she's about to take off.
That's like the complete opposite of a romantic comedy.
Like, I imagine Trump ran through the airport like,
"Nancy! Nancy, wait!
"Nancy!
There's something I have to tell you."
And Pelosi was like, "Yes, Donald?"
He's like, "Nancy,
get the (bleep) off the plane."
(applause)
Now...
(cheering and applause)
Now, to be fair to Trump,
Nancy Pelosi's letter was a little bit snarky, right?
But it's crazy that Chump-- Trump's GPS
never takes him onto the high road, right?
'Cause he's just like, "Okay, Nancy, you want to play?
Well, you're messing with the queen bitch now."
But, look, Cardi B is right.
Something needs to be done,
because the government is not doing its job right now,
and everyday citizens have decided to step up.
REPORTER: As the shutdown drags on,
some are getting desperate.
Hundreds of furloughed federal workers
turning to GoFundMe,
pleading for help to pay the bills.
Some are dipping into their savings.
They're relying on credit cards, even setting up GoFundMe pages.
REPORTER: The National Park Foundation
has launched a campaign to collect emergency funds.
REPORTER 2: About 1,800 campaigns are raising money
to help with rent, groceries, student loans and more.
Yes, government workers are being forced to use GoFundMe
to try and make ends meet.
For more on how people are coping with the shutdown,
we turn to a man who gets shut down at bars all the time.
Michael Kosta, everybody.
(cheering and applause)
People are...
people are using crowdfunding to survive.
Right? Some government workers are even raising money
to help take care of national parks.
-What-what do you make of this? -Yeah.
Well, I-I think it's great,
especially about the parks.
I leave a lot of trash there on the weekends.
I didn't know that you go camping.
I don't. I just take my trash there.
I mean, why? Where do you put yours,
on the curb, where a lawyer could find it?
(chuckling): I mean, you crack me up.
I'm all for crowdfunding to help people during the shutdown,
because I love helping people.
And more than that, I love playing God.
You know, sure, Coast Guard, firefighter,
I'll throw you a hundo, but not you, TSA inspector.
Not until I get my prescription shampoo back.
I picked up something pretty nasty
when I was throwing my garbage in the woods.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
(laughter)
No. Um...
look, federal workers shouldn't have to depend
-on charity to do their jobs. -Mm-hmm.
I-I don't think that's right. I mean, it's nice
that people are stepping up, but this isn't sustainable.
Well, it could be sustainable, Trevor.
If everybody just donated to the services that they cared about,
then we wouldn't even need government.
(chuckles) Worried about national security?
Donate to the military.
You want to help kids?
I don't, but give to education.
Want to support a handsome, high-quality entertainer?
You can send me money on Venmo.
I'm MichaelKostaTheComedian-4.
Dash-four?
So there's three other MichaelKostaTheComedians
-on Venmo? -No, they're all me.
-I just keep forgetting my password. -Ah, I see.
Okay, but-but, Michael, here's the thing,
-widespread charity can't fix government's issues, -Yeah.
because you can't guarantee that you'll have enough money
-to pay for everything that you need. -Okay.
So, what if some people don't want to contribute?
Well, don't get your dimples in a twist, T-bone, okay?
We'll make a rule. Everybody has to give
at least a little something based on their income.
Uh-huh. And-and so...
-so we require people to donate money. -Yeah.
But how do we know it's going to the right places?
Man, you sure do love questions, huh?
I'll t... I'll tell you what,
we'll hire people to figure out
where all the donation money should go,
and then I don't have to think about it.
Any other issues, Trevor No-casio-Cortez?
Yeah, I just... I just have one more. I just have one more.
Okay, deciding where the money goes is a big responsibility...
-Mm-hmm. -...so how do we decide who'd be in charge of it all?
It's easy. We-we ask the public who they want in charge,
and then whoever gets the most picks gets the job.
And every few years, we ask again.
Michael, you-you realize you're describing a government.
Fine. If-if that's what you want to call it,
then let's try this government thing, and worst-case scenario,
if it doesn't work, we'll shut it down.
There's where we... Michael Kosta, everyone.