[Music]
foreign
[Music]
i used to have a good number of doubts
in my mind
doubts and distractions came because
maybe family problems
or maybe some problems in this service
sphere or maybe it was some stumbling
block in my mind which was inhibiting my
progress
further whatever it be i used to have
quite a good number of doubts i said now
but i never wanted to
ask any questions to baba to disturb him
the peculiarity
let me tell you really i have not asked
a single question
in my life to him but i have got all
answers from him
most of the time he was staying in my
house also and he was conducting
meditation every morning
in my house everybody used to come i was
also
sitting down for meditation during
meditation
he will in his discourse he will speak
in such a manner
as if he is answering all my notes
all my doubts were clear once our
principal was the
star kp nigam and she
exhibited he brought a notice in the
notice board that
a spiritual master called harirana
nandagiri is coming to this college
those people who are interested they may
join it
so i had such an interest in him not a
particular
in any individual but i had some
interest to listen about
higher truth if higher truth is there
if somebody has explored i heard very
inner urge to meet with the person and
to know
what is there actually because since i
was student of science
i was believing in the science
background only i was just disseminating
the things
beliefs as well as the scientific
background so
this urged me this actually pushed me to
go over there
and i went to the meeting i saw that
every
enigmatic personality brilliant looking
very bright
and clad in a orange rope the romance
orange cloth
clothes were there and he was in very
young
hair colored and bright eyes piercing
deep
into the eyes of everyone so i i went
there i
missed frankly speaking of the
miscarriages look at the person
concerned
so such a brilliant individual can exist
because i was seeing
as a youth of that area that age
particularly because that time will be
around 17 or 18
my age would be at that time and uh
during that period i was looking at many
people but a person having
that much of brilliance in his eyes
most self-confident and
self-satisfaction is emanating from his
all his
postures gestures and language
he's having so authenticity in
proclaiming that
the higher truths are there and we are
individuals are born
to achieve that truth it is it is
something uh
mismanaging so i put him certain
questions
the questions like do you believe that
god exists
and the firmly he told is god exists
but can you have a vision of him
yes it is possible you can have a
picture of him
[Music]
initially i just said that how it is
possible
it's not how this person is coming
telling me
he told me you come
you trade on a path you do some
practices
then only you can be you will be able to
know it
how is it unless you taste a mango
how can you say that what the taste is
put the mango inside your mouth if it is
not tasty
throw it out if it's a testing eat it
simple answer there
and i was told by my father-in-law that
he had a guru who could
make you see the divine light hear the
divine
sound and feel the divine vibrations on
day one with him
and i was taken to this place
he just i saw a separate flat
individual fear and complexion
with a smiling face
and a sweet voice so
as is customary i did bow to him
my turn he came to me and kept his hand
on the top of my head
and said uh just focus here
and you will see the divine light hear
the divine
sound and feel the divine vibration
well i tried to focus at the point on
the top of the head that he had asked
me but was unable to do that
my focus would somehow the other
slip to the midst of the eyebrows
and would not stuck at the top i heard
no sound
i saw no light i didn't feel any
vibrations
none of the three so i
was very blunt being a skeptic i did not
hide myself
expressed to him very directly and told
him
i was not experiencing either of the
three
ah he try asked me to try once again
and probably two or three times he did
try it with me
but with no success of any experience
[Music]
he said it's fine left me and went to
the other disciples
went through his program as it was
scheduled
and in the mind i was very happy on my
way back
i told my father-in-law that
i used to call him papa i told him papa
see i told you
that you are a very queer person can be
easily hypnotized by somebody
but i am a very strong little person and
i can't be easily hypnotized
so i was not hypnotized and i did not
experience your divine light sound
revival
the next morning i woke up
but as a real routine i would get up
very early in the morning
some thoughts kept bothering me all
throughout
that this guy asked me to focus
on the top of the function and i
couldn't do that
why my focus would shift to the midst of
the eyebrows
i said i think i am a strong will person
so why this failure why i cannot focus
on the top of the continent
with those thoughts i said let me give
it a shot
in american words so
to give it a trial let me see whether i
can do it or not
let me try and focus on the top of the
function
so i sat by myself in the corner of the
room
just closed my eyes and tried to focus
on the top of the function and
i was astonished
from nowhere or from somewhere came
such a large sound of ringing of bells
all around me that it was almost
deafening to me i couldn't
hear anything but the sound of ringing
of bells
it was a shocker for me
i was working at that time and
throughout my life with a pharmaceutical
company
and i didn't know about human physiology
and the disease a little bit
i did think that i do
i had heard at that point of time some
people called
tinnitus which is ringing of bells in
the ears
which is a cranial nerve damage
and thinking that i had a cranial nerve
damage
without understanding beyond that
i rushed to the hospital being a man
from the pharmaceuticals i did have
contacts with the
senior host physicians
and went and met
the senior most the professor of the
medicine
and told him that i've got tinnitus
so he asked me what i said it is the
ringing of bells and the ears
continuously
i used to drive a mobike
which is royal enfield i do not know
whether you've heard it
it's bullet royal enfield it's a it's a
heavy motorcycle and used to make fair
bit of noise
but while driving that motorbike to the
hospital
with all that noise of the traffic the
sound of ringing of bells were
absolutely clear and segregated and
separate
it was not leaving
doctors put me on the couch
examined me and gave me a slap on my
butts and said
my child there's nothing wrong with you
you're very fine
there's no cranial nerve damage
it's all fine but the sound
of ringing of bells was not going away
the whole day persisted with me well in
the night i was going
to bed it was still persisting with me
and as i woke up the next morning
it was still there the sound wouldn't go
then i thought that maybe what this
gentleman
did to me by keeping in
his head on my ears hands on my head
has brought about some change and i went
to my
father-in-law my ego did not permit
me to tell him
what was the reason behind of my coming
and making a request again
but i did tell him that i want to see
your guru once again
please it's for sure not till
saturday evening or sunday morning the
the
sound was persistently there and i could
hear it
all the times looking just at me
he was sitting on the floor with some
other individuals
looked at me and said so you have come
back
and i thought
that it was a very loaded remark on to
me
but i kept a very straight face and just
nodded my head
i didn't wish to give away my emotions
to him
so he told me bad job that means sit
down
and looked at me and said vik
will you take picture from me
now being a skeptic and as i told you i
had the impression that
the the saffron club people
are money-making game so i thought
oh so the money-making game has started
but at the face of it i just nodded my
head
and said yes but mentally decided that
whatever this guy will try
i will not give him a penny
in indian reference a paisa i will not
give up
let him try his best
but kept a very straight face
he asked before me there were other
individuals sitting there
he asked some of them
he says he asked a couple you come and
those days he used to perform a fire
ceremony
in an iron pot we call it here in
india so he did perform that fire
ceremony
for the disciples who had come for
initiations
and asked this man after the rituals of
giving the diksha was over
he asked this gentleman you gave me
51 bucks i'm talking of 73 51 bucks for
the large
sum at that point of time
and oh i said he is just like others
just wanting money
but still kept a good face in the
environments
i didn't wish to speak i thought these
are all believers and my
saying anything would would not be taken
in the world
stream
called another couple went through the
process
and said i would need
x amount i don't recall what the second
amount was
but i would also need a pair of clothes
he's becoming worse by the day
by the r he is becoming worse he is
demanding more and more
but still kept a face i didn't wish to
say anything
and then thirdly he pointed the finger
to me and i say hey
you come here i just went
sat with me since let me first tell you
what is the relationship between a
disciple and a group
kept hearing listening to what he was
saying
this is good old days
the true gurus were those kind of people
who would devote their lifetime
just to realize the god
they were so absorbed in the process of
practicing to realize the god that they
had no time
for their material needs
but being in the body form
the body did require clothes to protect
from the environments
the changing world but it did require
food as a nourishment to continue
and because they were not paying the
attention towards the materialistic
needs
or the physical needs of the body
the body would start deteriorating
and people who had a generous heart some
of them
would take a pity on the individual who
was unable to look after his
physical needs would come
and give some food or materials or
clothes to this
person to take care of himself
now knowing the fact that the body does
require
or does have the physical needs
this man who was in the search of
realization would accept
the physical
things like clothes and food from
the people who just donated or just gave
those things
to him the moment
the guy accepted
the food and the clothes
he became indebted to the individuals
who had given him
the food and clothes
and mentally because he was indebted
he wanted to pay back his debts
but had no material means to pay back
the debts
so what he would do is to take a wow
that till this guy is spiritually
lifted to the enlightenment he is
my responsibility because i am indebted
i have to repay back i cannot repay him
in terms of materials because i am
incapable
but what i can do is to spiritually look
after him
spiritually look after his upliftment
till he achieves the enlightenment
so a relationship got established and
that was the relationship
between a guru and a disciple
so i thought that was pretty impressive
he looked at me with very keen eyes
and said you think i care for money
you think i care for these clothes that
i'm demanding
he picked up the clothes and thrilled
he said they're of no consequence to me
money is of no consequence to me
from you being in a bodily form
i have another need and that
need is to be loved
can you give me a block
so i i became unruffled
because my inner thoughts have not been
expressed to anybody
and this guy was just
throwing me naked out in the open
expressing it right in front of me
and he said he says you haven't brought
anything i know
just pick up a flower there are so many
flowers lying around here
just pick up a flower offer it with love
to me and that will be your gurudaksha
and i'll accept you as my disciple from
today
i did pick up the flower offered him
the flower and he just kept his
hand on my head i was so
overwhelmed i couldn't control my
emotions
i gave away i broke down and wept
that was my initiation
on day one with girl
he was such a individual
who could read my thoughts it would reap
my mind
and i must say at least this much
before concluding this thought with you
that i did not give him any material for
years thereafter and he never demanded
me one
but gave me his love so much of love
that i was always overwhelmed and that
was
my journey beginning with him
some saints are like that we are staying
at bhakshival
he gave me a flower i kept it with me
and after seven days i found that the
flower is as such
and some waters are coming from the
flower
i wanted to know why is it happening
with tantra or like that
so i went to meet gurudev at the time
with the babaneshwar in
residence in unit six
i met him there i handed over the flower
to him
and explained this narrated in that
story that some
saint came and gave it to me and i kept
it and after seven days
i find that the place and some water is
coming from it
because somebody told me to harm me then
he looked at me and told that the power
has god hasn't
saved you nothing will happen he tells
that
this world is an illusion you don't get
very much attached to this world
many occasions and he sings a song
that um
he sings and explains and tells that be
casual
with all these world things and secondly
he always tells whether you are
coming over here or you are pressing
thing that he is doing within it
within it only think of him
in 1983 actually i came
it was during march 22nd of march
function was going in at kodarasram
i went there the
it was 24th actually
24th i was present
the function was over the aslam was
filled with
disciples i wanted to have a talk with
gurudev
so all the sannyasis and other disciples
some of them told no no you cannot meet
him because it's very busy
i was in the meditation hall so i just
asked for a piece of paper and scrabble
one line
one sentence that i am waiting
for last ten years to talk to you
and i handed over the paper to that man
i told you just
give him i don't mind if he doesn't
allow me to talk with him
so after few say five minutes
that man called me came and gurudev is
calling you
so i went inside his bedroom
gurdwa was sitting on the cot
all disciples are full on the ground
he asked me yes what do you want
i told i want to talk in a private
with you it was i was
very much actually impressed
rather by his way of
approach he never told
all of you leave i want to talk with him
he told on the other hand all of you sit
here
this boy and me are going outside will
talk
outside that thing impressed me very
much
so all the disciples they told no we are
leaving you please
talk so they left
i had a talk he told me you see i'm very
busy
you should limit your talk to five
minutes
of course to five minutes i told that
i'll take two minutes only
not five minutes and
second point he raised
talk about only spiritual things i told
yes
then i told that
[Music]
i have already have my guru he is satya
sai bhava
but reading the autobiography yogi
i have a inclination it
fascinates me whether such things exist
are they true
so those things have attracted me so i
have come to you
to learn those these things this kriya
yoga
but since i have had a guru it is told
in our scriptures
if you go for second guru it is not
good so i'm in a dilemma what to do
then gurudev told me what your concerns
tells
and i told that's what i cannot decide
then gurudev told ok
your guru is your guru she is fixed
i am not your guru i will give you a
technique
you practice it the more and more you
practice
the more and more you will realize your
own guru
i told okay then second question i asked
[Music]
that supposing i take the technique from
you
we i have doubts who is going to clear
all my doubts
that time yogis
another swamiji was there from
bhuvaneshwar both were very
highly they were doing higher clears
he told their good sadaqas
they can clarify all their doubts
because was staying abroad at that time
her second question answered third
question
[Music]
i told what is your impression about
satya sai baba
he told whom the whole world is adoring
why should not i adore
[Music]
then i told this is not my answer
it will hurt i then
told that i have heard that you are a
realized master
so in a realized master's eye what is
your impression about him
[Music]
then he told me she's the world teacher
so then fourth thing i
asked him if i want to take initiation
and technique from you
a technique i will only take from you
i will not take from anybody else then
he told okay
here initiation is finished you come to
municipal
to one is rasram and you have to be
prepared for one and a half
days you have to stay with me for one
and a half days i told i have plenty of
time i will stay
so governor i came
it was 26th evening there was a mastica
many number of peoples they were there
and once one of the senior most
disciples
he was there so all we are sitting in
line
so suddenly samoa came to me and stood
before me
by the side of me and the initiation is
to start
[Music]
my mind was not accepting samuel for
taking initiation
because gurudev was told that he will
give initiation
suddenly gurudev came
from his room entered the doorsteps of
the hall
and he shouted from
at a distance oh samova
you leave him you leave that boy you go
to another person
i am going to him so gurudev came
my heart was satisfied he came to me
and started the process of initiation
well no words no words in my life
i can describe about the process of
initiation
no words will suffice that gurudeva
cleanse the body as usual
then the same mantra he gave me
which i was already having before
[Music]
then he took hold of my
birth defeat and bored
before me he tossed his head with the
good baby and a thrill just
a like electric current pass through my
body and
spine and it because i was shrinking
he just pulled it forcibly put the food
and then he purified the parts
touched all body parts and gave the
initiation
and put me in jyoti mudra
[Music]
while i was in that state
suddenly i was
[Music]
drowned in the blinding shearing
blinding
many multicolored light and a sound also
sound was coming somewhere from i don't
know
but that light they like just
the light we burn during the probably
color it is just coming
just going from me towards horizon and i
was just drowned
i don't know for how long i was there in
that state
when it normalized
i just opened my eyes and i found
gurudwa is not with me
he has gone to another person he loves
these children this
loves the students but you are all
energetic fellow you are all students
so now you it is the time for you to
meditate
so all all your questions all your
other time you are very much inclined to
question him various things
so always will be telling i'm ready to
give you answers
but don't ask so many questions you
meditate
all your sometimes i know something is
in my mind i wanted to question him
but after meditation will give you a
small
discourse and in that discourse he will
reply everything whenever wherever you
go
i i i wanted to ask him two or three
questions
and i know without asking his questions
in the discourse itself
he will reply all these things i got i
get my reply from the discourse itself
so at that time no baba how could baba
know all these things
because that question is in my mind how
could baba know that
it is my question so there was no need
to
um question bhava at that time sometimes
he
from himself from his own occurred he
replies
the quraysh of students the courage of
disciples
another occasion another doubt
i have not registered my name to be
initiated
at kadarastra i was told
gurudev can do
impossible as possible unthinkable
as thinkable impracticable as
practical then it is an impossibility
i can't get initiation i must go and
approach early in the morning
i reached the destination and sat down
quietly
in the pathway where beloved gurudev was
supposed to
proceed and go to the meditation hub
i was intimately watching and carefully
trying to listen to the footsteps of the
while the person is
my heart is coming all of my body was
excited
mind was also having a kind of commotion
i stood up
when i saw him instead of bowing to him
in the tradition of india i stood up
and said what a foolishness i
immediately sat down
touched him and touched his feet and
stood up what the matter what the
problem
i want to be initiated follow me
he smiled and i followed him still i had
the doubt
i have not registered my name shall the
ashram authority reject me
reject my desire of me are still full of
doubts
when entering the house following the
master literally
i heard many necks training in that side
and that's
who is this fellow why is getting in
that rather i could decipher that was
the question in their mind
but i was following the master literally
follow me
i sat down at the lotus feet of my
beloved master
and he's chosen me to be initiated first
on that day
nothing more i can say doubt gun
at the end part of the initiation he
came
loving one come near me i said how can i
go there
he's hitting the dias i'm such a lowest
below
how can i go and hear the eyes to the
eye i was really afraid
and it's such a great personality gentle
closest
full of love full of compassion but we
are feeling
high how can i go ultimately
he asked me to come and i went there
sit behind me i had to sit there
on the left hand side of him he pushed
his
arm around my neck come closer come
closer post me
i was feeling very personal how can i go
go nearer to him
my thigh touching his eye oh my god
a moment of exergy a moment of
excitement
a moment of feeling feeling that feeling
merged with the past
[Music]
so
you