>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, IT'S ALMOST OSCAR SEASON, AND
THIS IS GOING TO BE AN EXCITING ONE.
UNLESS OSCAR GETS ACCUSED OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
THE GUY'S WEARING NOTHING BUT A SWORD.
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SEE ALL OF THE BIG AWARD CONTENDERS, SO
BEFORE I BUY A TICKET, I TURN TO THE ONLY REVIEWER I TRUST:
GIL PEACHES, AND HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL, "NOT AT THE MOVIES,
WITH GIL PEACHES."
LET'S CHECK IN WITH HIM NOW.
♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> HELLO, I'M GIL PEACHES.
WELCOME TO "NOT AT THE MOVIES!
WITH ME, GIL PEACHES."
HELLO, I'M GIL PEACHES.
OSCAR SEASON IS HERE, THAT TIME EACH YEAR WHEN MY UNCLE OSCAR
INVITES ME OVER TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL.
ALSO, THERE'S A TON OF GREAT MOVIES OUT RIGHT NOW.
AS ALWAYS, I'VE SEEN ALL THE BIGGEST FILMS OF THE YEAR,
EXCEPT UNFORTUNATELY, "EMPLOYEES ONLY," BECAUSE I KEEP GETTING
YELLED AT WHEN I TRY TO ENTER THAT THEATER.
THE FIRST MOVIE GETTING SOME BUZZ IS "THREE BILLBOARDS
OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI."
THIS MOVIE RAISED SOME BIG QUESTIONS, LIKE WHICH THREE
BILLBOARDS WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
I CHECKED MY GOOGLE STREET-VIEW AND THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF
BILLBOARDS IN MISSOURI.
MANY OF THEM ARE FOR PLACES CALLED "GENTLEMAN'S CLUBS," BUT
FOR SOME REASON, ONLY HAVE PHOTOS OF WOMEN.
MIXED MESSAGE.
I GIVE THIS MOVIE: THREE BILLBOARDS AND A MISSOURI.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> WELL I ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH.
>> STEPHEN: OH, GREAT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT TODAY'S CO-HOST IS MY PRETENTIOUS
COUSIN, PHIL PEACHES.
>> IT'S ACTUALLY PHILLIAM PEACHES, IV.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, COUSIN, OR AS THEY SAY IN EUROPE, CUISINE.
AND I LOVED "THREE BILLBOARDS."
MCDORMAND'S PERFORMANCE CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A "TOUR DE
FRANCE."
THUS, I GIVE IT MY FANCIEST RATING: FIVE PACKETS OF
MCDONALD'S FANCY KETCHUP.
>> STEPHEN: THERE YOU GO WITH YOUR COASTAL ELITISM.
PHILLIAM, WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?
>> SOPHISTICATED URBANITES LIKE MYSELF DRINK CUCUMBER WATER.
NEED I REMIND YOU, I'VE BEEN TO ANN ARBOR?
>> STEPHEN: I WAS WONDERING HOW LONG IT WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO
BRING THAT UP AGAIN?
>> WELL, IT'S TRUE.
>> STEPHEN: AND SO IS THE FACT THAT YOU HAD TO CALL ME TO COME
PICK YOU UP.
>> FOR I AM AFRAID OF BUSES.
>> STEPHEN: THE NEXT MOVIE PHILLIAM AND I SAW THIS WEEK
WAS "LADY BIRD," WHICH, ONCE I GOT TO THE THEATER, I DISCOVERED
WAS NOT A MOVIE ABOUT L.B.J.'S WIFE, MAKING MY COSPLAY
EXTREMELY OUT OF PLACE.
>> ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU WERE DRESSED AS BATMAN.
THE MOVIE WAS PART DRAMA AND PART COMEDY, OR AS WE CINEPHILES
CALL IT: A DROMEDARY.
BECAUSE NOTHING IS SADDER OR FUNNIER THAN A ONE-HUMPED CAMEL.
>> STEPHEN: IT WAS THE BEAUTIFUL STORY OF A TEENAGE GIRL'S
RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOM.
WHICH REALLY SPOKE TO ME, BECAUSE I AM ALSO A PARENT, TO
STEPHANIE.
>> HOW IS STEPHANIE?
>> STEPHEN: WE'RE NOT SPEAKING RIGHT NOW.
>> I KNOW, SHE TOLD ME.
>> STEPHEN: ALL IN ALL, I GIVE "LADY BIRD" TWO L.B.J.'S, AND A
BATMAN.
>> WELL, I ADORED "LADYBIRD."
IT HAD EVERYTHING US ARTISTIC TYPES LOVE: SMOKING, CRYING, AND
A LEADING ROLE PLAYED BY AN ACTRESS WITH AN UNPRONOUNCEABLE
NAME.
BRAVO TO YOU, SNOWSHOE ROLAND.
I GIVE THIS MOVIE FOUR NOBEL PRIZES AND A POET LAUREATE.
>> STEPHEN: THE LAST MOVIE WE'RE REVIEWING THIS WEEK IS
"VACATIONLAND" BY JOHN HODGMAN.
>> OH, WHAT A STINKER!
I COULDN'T EVEN FIT IT IN MY VCR.
AND TALK ABOUT BORING!
LOOK AT THIS!
IT'S ALL WORDS!
THE WHOLE MOVIE IS BASICALLY SUBTITLES.
IF I WANTED TO READ, I'D BUY A BOOK.
SPECIFICALLY, THIS BOOK.
>> "VACATIONLAND" IS A HIT MOVIE WAITING TO HAPPEN.
MANY BLOCKBUSTER FRANCHISES START OUT AS BOOKS: "HARRY
POTTER," "THE HUNGER GAMES..."
>> AND "FAST AND FURIOUS" IS BASED OFF OF "SENSE AND
SENSIBILITY."
( LAUGHTER ) THEY REALLY TOOK A LOT OF
LIBERTIES WITH THAT ONE.
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT JANE AUSTEN COULD NOT DRIVE STICK.
>> STEPHEN: EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT YET A MOVIE, I'M GIVING
"VACATIONLAND" MY HIGHEST POSSIBLE RATING: ONE STAR!
>> WELL, PERHAPS I'LL GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT ON MY RIDE BACK TO
THE BIG CITY.
>> STEPHEN: WHICH I AM GIVING YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID
OF BUSES.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, THIS IS "NOT AT THE MOVIES," WITH ME, GIL
PEACHES...
>> AND ME, PHILLIAM PEACHES IV.
>> STEPHEN: ...REMINDING YOU: JUST BECAUSE YOU BUY A TICKET
DOESN'T MEAN THEY'LL LET YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )