Can a narcissist ever love someone and be truly happy. That's what we're talking about today at queenbeeing.com. Let's get started
My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover understand and overcome
Narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships, I like to call it toxic relationship rehab
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So let's just get right to it the question is can a narcissist truly be happy and love another person in a relationship
Maybe you think that it's just you who can't be happy with that person maybe in your mind that person would be so much happier
If like literally anybody else was in their lives. Well. That's a myth. I'm here to dispel for you today
Narcissists usually start in childhood because they grow up either being over privileged or being emotionally physically or otherwise
Abused and neglected as a result they tend to sort of develop this false self
And they not only develop that false self for the world but also for themselves
They can't even see beyond the false self in many cases those who do are usually the covert types
And they might appear to be insecure, but they're still incredibly controlling grandiose and otherwise
narcissistic and again the biggest
Uniting quality with narcissists is the whole lack of empathy thing so keep that in mind there
Emotional growth tends to be stunted some people say around - some people say 3 4 5 and I've seen
Narcissists as mature as certain teenagers in some cases emotionally speaking
But that's about it a lot of
Psychologists say that the narcissist manifests the primary self in order to somehow appeal to their
Primary caregiver or the person whose attention they're trying to seek and that becomes the self the narcissist needs to believe is true
But in order to hold that false self up the narcissist needs
People around him or her to hold up the mask for them does that make any sense so they need people to praise them to
Admire them to adore them to treat them like they're worthy and deserving and these people sometimes feel sorry for them
I know a lot of empaths find themselves ok, well I'm attracted to this person, but obviously this person has issues
I want to try to help this person make their life better
In that process what happens is we fall in love with them
They use that against and things get really difficult
So those who were neglected kind of have that false self because they figured that maybe they'll be loved after all of that not being
loved if their father was a
Narcissist and their father wanted them to become a doctor they might become a doctor because maybe daddy would love me now or if their
mother was the narcissist and the mother was just never paying any attention to them they might become a movie star or a dancer or
something because maybe mommy will love me now you know what I'm saying some way to get attention and respect and love from the
Parent or anyone else in their life who?
Rejected and neglected them on the flip side of that
The false self could be just I'm such an awesome person because maybe they were over privileged in certain ways but also under
Emotionally fed if that makes sense well
We'll go into more of that in another video
Whatever the reason that the person is the narcissist the false self must be held up so if you tell the narcissist
Oh my gosh. You're so gorgeous. Well. That's one little string holding up the false self, or if you tell the narcissist
You're so smart you so this just whatever it is that they're trying to be so
Amazing about if you give them that compliment it gives them a little bit more to hold onto with the false self
But it's a precarious balance with narcissists
there is that part of him or her that knows the real self and isn't proud of it and
They tried desperately to hide it and put it behind closed doors behind the mask so that no one else knows
Unfortunately for the supply the person who's closest to the narcissist they know and the narcissist
Very often resents the supply for knowing
They're to herself which is horrible
But true and the interesting part of this is that the narcissists false self is
Very often right next to their shame right next to their self rejection and right next to the memory or current
Rejection that they're receiving from whoever it was that didn't give them the type of attention they felt
They needed it growing up so the narcissist kind of becomes dominated by this fake self this pretend false self now
Here's where the love part comes in truly loving someone
Means that you will put that person's needs ahead of your own at least up to a point that doesn't mean that you will
Put that person's needs ahead of your own to your detriment
but it might mean that you choose to not buy that new pair of jeans you love because
Someone else you love needs a pair of shoes or needs to go on a band trip or whatever
My son goes on band trips, but narcissists. They don't love in that way
They never developed the ability to love that way yeah
They can kind of feel loved on some level like if you're loving them
They sense that they kind of get it
But they get it in a way that like a little toddler would get it so a toddler up until about the age of two
Is all about him or herself and that's normal and natural
They are supposed to be that way they're supposed to be all about themselves. They are the center of their world in fact
It's around then that some kids start to develop empathy, but for a narcissist love is sort of damaged
It's sort of distorted and twisted
It's immature, and it's centers completely around what the narcissist needs in that relationship. Nothing else and like I told you before
Narcissists love you in the same way that we love our cell phones, so I got this cell phone
I guess about a year year and a half ago
And I loved it so much because I had this sparkly case it was so fast. Well. I still like it
It's okay for me, but my husband got an s8 a little while ago
This is an s7 and now I'm a little bit jealous
and I kind of wanna get an S 9 but not because I'm trying to outdo him just because this is a cell phone and
It would be more functional if I had certain other things involved now the sparkly case as you can see is falling apart
And it's just not quite as awesome as it once was
Well in the same way that I'm growing tired of this cell phone
Narcissists grow tired of actual people they don't
See you as a human in the same way as they see themselves they see you want a whole different. Level as themselves
They see you as an extension of themselves or they see you as not quite a real
Person so do they love you sure
Maybe but only in the sense of usefulness they love you for what you can do for them
Not for who you are as a person
I talked about this in a video the other day, but if you're not sure that that's true
Just test the theory ask any narcissist in your life
what do you love about me and see what they tell you do they tell you I love that you're smart and ER and or
Attractive and or whatever whatever things about you or do they tell you I love that you take care of our house
Love that you take care of this. I like when you rub my back da da da da
That's usually the type of answer you will get from any narcissist
But what about being happy in the long run in a relationship with a narcissist is that even possible?
Well the narcissist is all about getting his or her needs met
And they are not only okay with manipulating other people to get to make that happen
But they will actually take delight in
Manipulating other people to make that happen obviously then when it comes to obtaining real happiness real love. This is kind of a problem
It's a real
show it's kind of like if
Someone says I want to fall in love and so they start kind of you know sleeping with everybody they meet
Because maybe they'll fall in love with one of those people what's interesting is that most?
Narcissists are are kind of despised kind of dislike kind of even hated in some cases by the people who are closest to them in
their lives and that is to speak volumes to you right because
strangers might think you're cool strangers might be okay with you or like things about you, but
Narcissists are in this situation where they literally are
Often disliked or even hated by people. Who are the closest to them or at least by people who know them really well
And that's partially because they cannot give or even receive actual grown-up. Love. They're all about themselves
They're living for themselves if you fell off the planet tomorrow your narcissists would drop another person in your place
Quickly because it's not about you. It's never been about you. It's not your fault
It's about the narcissist meeting their own selfish needs in every situation
bottom line none of this leads to happiness
Can you be happy with a narcissist only if you can be happy next to the narcissist without?
Actually expecting the narcissist to participate in your happiness does that make sense?
This brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is
Do you think a narcissist can be happy in love have you ever thought about this before have you ever experienced?
Actual love that was outside of the love-bombing phase with the narcissist either way share your thoughts
Share your ideas share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it now listen
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That's all I've got for you right now as always
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