- [IFY] I heard you like graham crackers
so I went and dipped yo graham crackers in chocolate,
here to pimp yo snack.
You know I never get to use my Xzibit impression
because he's just not relevant anymore so..
- [Joyce] I didn't know his music.
- [IFY] Oh, well see that's why.
Today we're gonna try all of the pastries
that they have for us at Starbucks.
- So its not every single item so please
don't trash the comments.
- Sometimes they're out like they usually are,
with the stuff that I want.
We got what we got so--
- It's more food than we need to eat
- (scoffs) But we gonna eat it.
- He is.
- Look, I know you walk into a Starbucks,
you see so many pastries and you're like,
Should I get it? Should I get it?
Well we're about to do that work for you!
We're gonna tell you whether you should get it
or not or maybe.
- So we got our coffee, let's do this!
- [IFY] So first things first we got the bagel,
Joyce is already splitting it up.
- I mean hey it's not my first run with a bagel.
- This is a classic, you can go to a bagel spot
or you can uhh come to Starbucks and see what
this talkin' 'bout.
- [Joyce] I love bagels, love.
- So you're a bagel head?
- I mean I told you I'm bourgeois z.
This bagel looks good, the crust can be a little bit harder.
This is a decent bagel. If you're running late to
(beep) house during the day this is perfect.
- I was not gonna say that.
This is a solid bagel.
A bagel from a cafe being this good, like you're
at Starbucks, you're there for the coffee.
So i'm saying yeah, great accompaniment
for your whatever whatever Frappuccino.
- Whatever Whatever Frappucino
I'm definitely gonna start making my
(beep) bring this when they come over my house.
- [IFY] We got the Sprout Grain Bagel,
this off rit looks a bit drier.
- Remember all that nasty ass bread my Mom would buy?
Cuz you know she's like, gotta be a healthy (beep) Joyce.
- I feel like the dryness had nothing to do with
me bowel movements.
- I always based things how much like
quickly it makes me (squish)
- M'okay
- (chuckles) This is okay.
- My mouth is excited.
- You're just excited for the free food.
- I will always be here to eat.
(high pitch creepy tone)
- This bagels good, healthy, this is a maybe for me.
It's not a definite yes.
It tastes like wheat, but not fully.
- It's still gonna be a yes because if we're like,
this is like a preferential thing.
Y'know we're not gonna order the French Roll.
We're gonna get that wheat roll.
If you're at Mimi's and you're like, get the dark bread!
This is gonna be for you.
We have the Cinnamon Raisin Bagel and ya boy is hyped
because I love me a good sweet bagel.
The whole bagel budget went into this.
Starbucks was like, look you can do
whatever you want with the plain, but when you make the
cinnamon raisin, it better slap.
That's a yes from us, a hard yes!
- That's a yes, yes!
- [IFY] This is the plain croissant,
we're 'bout to get turnt up.
- Ayeee, oui oui!
- Oh, yeah
- Mhmm, that's gonna be a yes from us.
- I think so too
- This is how just all chocolate croissants
I've come acrossed are.
Where it's just like the chocolate bar inside and then
when it toasts its like melty and good.
Croissants are good at any temperature.
- I like the little crunch of chocolate.
- I always feel like chocolate croissants are forced..
- Wow
- It's gonna be a no from me.
- Mmm, I'm gonna say a maybe.
- [Ify] Alright, we got a petite vanilla bean scone.
Scones are always real tricky for me,
because the mouth feel.
- I feel like you need enough saliva or teeth.
- [IFY] There it is right there.
Took a bite, we starting to get into
Popeye's biscuit territory where breading in there
starts sucking the air out, and then I took a sip.
Not only did the sip save my life,
but it also complimented the flavors.
A pastry that compliments coffee that is served
at a coffee place, is a perfect pairing.
Which is a good choice.
- I like how its petite, I like how its
vanilla bean, and I like how its a scone but it's
not too dry.
Yes.
- Yes!
Yes!
- [IFY] Woo, we got a morning bun.
- Morning bun!
- I am a Starbucks connoisseur, boom, gold card holder.
Essentially it shook out to about like 10-15 drinks
and then you got it for free.
Then now its like $125 you spend,
pro-tip for any type of cinnamon bun, or cinnamon roll,
pull off that middle, that's where the good stuff goes.
- You see how he took 95% of the bun, I get to the
little nice cute piece, he put his whole mouth on this
took the middle like, this is not a sharing opportunity
her destroyed that morning bun.
- This is a obvious yes. Cuz nine times out of ten
I got to Starbucks and this is gone already.
- Heres what slaps, it slaps.
Isn't the cheese like the same for cheesecake
or is it different, I don't know.
- I think so, yeah.
- This is delicious this is nutritious, drink this
with a little coffee at the coffee shop
then you notice that tall, indie like alternative
white guy staring at me.
Then we start talking about our favorite books
and I'm like "why don't you try some of my cheese danish"
so then him and I share a danish and we fall in love.
- Pro-tip: Just eat around the middle,
just got that last bite.
- You see how he just ignored me?
You can have mine.
- I've never been the biggest fan,
but looking at the way these cinnamon crystals
in the middle are popping right now I might change my mind.
Very moist coffee cake.
- Man he loves moist, can we get a counter for how many
times he said moist right now?
- I mean when you talking pastries,
moist is one of the best qualities,
you need to keep it moist.
You goin' to Hollywood, that's a yes from me, Dog.
- Wow, he's so fake.
When the cameras were off he's like "I'm giving this a no...
I'm not into coffee cake" I say yes too,
it was delicious.
I'm gonna part it for him better so that I don't
hear a comment from this man, there ya go.
- (scoffs) You try the poundcake but you're not
even going towards the icing which is arguably
the best spot.
- Let me get this part before you motherfuckin' gone.
- That wasn't like, on purpose.
It's nice and spongy.
- It's a perfect poundcake, yes.
- Yeah so we got the banana nut bread, and its goin to be
look at that.
- I took a small bite because this is a lot for me,
this is a lot of sugar but this is slaps.
I'm into it, like what's her name,
what's her number, what's her sign, ya know?
- I think any of the cakes shaped like this at Starbucks
is a safe bet.
- Yeah I know, this is good.
I'll give it a yes.
- Yes!
Yeah now we're in an interesting territory cuz
I feel like we kicked off...
You good?
- I'm struggling.
- I feel like we kicked off the video in the breakfast
territory and now we're talking about afternoon delights.
Brownies like that three pm,
you're on your last break at work and need a pick me up.
- It's a pretty good decent like milk chocolate brownie.
- This is a yes from me, but I don't think
its as versatile, so I'm gonna downgrade it to a maybe.
- Officially my answer is yes.
It's a chocolate chip cookie.
- Age old classic.
- Okay, she thicker than a coke bottle, okay?
- That's not, I let a lot of analogies pass,
but that one makes no sense, whatsoever
- Thicker than a coke bottle!
- They did a great job, I like the thickness of it.
Nice, and warm would make it nice ooey gooey.
A good chocolate chip cookie has that like,
extra seasoning where you're like
"Is it nutmeg? Is it cinnamon?"
and this does have that and that's what I was looking for
when I took a bite in there, like that's what's gonna
take it to the next level.
- I think the cookie is great.
I do think they made the cookie a little too sweet.
- You probably gonna have this with lunch, as a dessert
or an afternoon pick me up and I'm willing to give it
a full on yes.
Cake pops had a moment five years ago, like right around
when these were released like cake pops were on a roll
and everyone wanted one.
- This is good though, it slaps.
It's a yes!
- Yes it is a yes.
- Its yas, I give you the rose, Daddy(mauh)
- The one, the only, the birthday cake pops.
- Best one they got.
Simple, classic, smooth.
You have one of these like "ugh I'm done for the day"
- The answer is yes
- Okay?
- See this is something I wish I would have had earlier
when I still had a full cup of coffee.
- Hi everyone welcome, we're eating the biscotti
I'm touching the biscotti,
I'm getting it all over my shirt, its fine.
I'm eating it now,
wow that really hard.
- I don't think id ever buy biscotti from a Starbucks
especially packaged like this, like maybe if I went
to a place that like hand made it I'd go for it,
but no.
I like madeleines, they're very like soft,
it have a nice buttery flavor, they're small enough
you can like have one now, like a few later.
I'm a go yes this time.
- I'm gonna out in the maybe pile, cuz like if I like it
its not enough.
- Aye yo homie, I heard you like madeleines so I went
and dipped those madeleines in chocolate.
We went and pimped yo madeleines.
Do any of y'all remember Xzibit?
There ya go.
- Look at him, he eat a whole damn morning breakfast
- Oh man oh.
- This was good.
- Yeah
- Not that excited.
- I heard you like graham crackers,
so I went and dipped yo graham crackers in chocolate.
Here to pimp yo' snack.
- [Joyce] This was part of it at the bottom.
He be workin out all the time,
I'm surprised I was looking for you.
- Yeah I don't work these finger muscles out
- Alright, ill keep it.
- Its a good snack but like a Starbucks specialty
the price for this probably aint just,
its just a little too high for me.
- So you know while everyone is eating their big sweets
I can have this nice dark chocolate sweet,
so I'm gonna give it a yes for that.
- Its a maybe from me.
We got Walkers shortbread cookies,
I love a good shortbread with coffee
so this one is gonna change my--
- Dang you eat a lot of damn pastries
with your damn coffee.
I would drink my coffee straight, full of regrets.
Cuz I think I'm sugar drunk.
- Ooo, you know what this tastes like?
You every go to your grandma's house
and you see that blue tin and you open it
and there's sewing materials in it.
This tastes like the cookies that used to be in there,
which are shortbread cookies.
This one actually I like more because
those cookies are really hard.
This one is like nice and soft,
so this is gonna be a yes for me.
- I actually agree with him for once, it's 100% yes from me.
- Alright I said I was gonna help you but it looks like
I liked almost all of it,
so that's gonna make it a lot harder for you.
But it seems like whatever you choose,
you gonna be in a good place, so don't think too hard on it.
- Go with your gut, go with your want,
its all gonna be gucci because you're still paying for it.
- (laughs)