So you clicked on this video and my face just appeared on your screen. Do you
already have an opinion about me?
Making judgments is one of our most useful
mental capabilities. However the ability not to judge others or ourselves is one
of the greatest skills, you can acquire in your life. So how can we live our
lives judgment-free? Here's a couple of things to keep in mind.
A couple of seconds after meeting a new person we begin to make judgments. How
does that person look? Are they interesting? Do I like them? Is this
person someone I would like to see again? Especially when it comes to the world of
dating, we're all a part of a huge evaluation process. Appearance is the
first thing that can deceive. We often don't realize that when we meet someone
we are seeing that person in a fraction of their life.
The way they look whether it is amazingly dressed up or tired with messy
hair is not representative of that person as a whole. So hack number one for
quitting judging? Don't let appearance deceive you. For
example people in suits tend to evoke power and competence. So how about the
next time you meet a Harvey Specter look-alike you imagine him in plain
white t-shirt and jeans. You'd be surprised but sometimes the
person loses a part of their charm. It's actually a good way of checking with
yourself whether you really like the other person or you simply like what
they represent. Which brings us to tip number two - realize that people are
complex. This point is very closely connected to empathy and it's something
that we'll be focusing more on and future videos. But for now keep in mind
that everyone you meet had a life before you. They went through experiences that
you might have never even imagined. Be it good or bad. The truth is people can
surprise you. What about a CEO of a financial company who writes poetry in
his free time. Or a kindergarten teacher who once per month puts on a show with
her belly dancing group. People are much more complex than we give them credit
for. When we make judgments about someone early on we rob ourselves of the
opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level. Not only that
but there is always something you can learn from the other person. That's why
the next thing to keep in mind is that everyone knows something you don't.
You are not smarter and neither are you any less smart than people around you.
The knowledge you have is simply different. I recently spoke with a five-year-old girl
in German and because her German was much better than mine I asked her if the
gender of the word I used was correct. If I had kept the attitude of- I am smarter
because I'm an adult, I would not be able to learn anything and in this way I made
a new friend in the process too. It all comes down to our ability to put our
egos aside. The things we judge other people for say a lot more about us than
the people being judged. You can actually learn a lot about yourself when you
start to notice what exactly triggers your judgemental thinking. When you're
happy with yourself and confident in your own skin you won't feel the need to
put yourself in a position of superiority to justify your own
self-worth. It always begins with you. That's why the first step to a
judgment-free life is to stop judging yourself. Your mind is the best place to
practice whatever new skills you are learning. If you are constantly
criticizing yourself for every little thing you don't do perfectly or the way
you look it's also going to be very difficult to accept other people as they
are. So the next time you catch yourself criticizing and judging yourself try
saying this to yourself - I accept myself just the way I am, including every flaw
including every mistake you made in the past and including every desire you have
for yourself in the future. So if there's one thing that you'll take away from
this video keep this in mind every time you catch yourself, judging yourself.
I accept myself just the way I am. We are constant works in progress and
right now in this very moment you are perfect just the way you are.
And now we'd
like to hear from you guys! Do you think the ability not to judge ourselves and
others is something that we can learn? Let us know in the comments below. Don't
forget to subscribe to Iconique for even more psychology insights and see you
next time. Have an amazing day! Bye!