- Shut up. Shut up.
The Oscars are happening right now as we speak.
Well, they're about to happen in like 20 minutes.
I literally have them on on mute right next to you.
I'm currently wearing a wrinkly shirt
from my friend Jarvis's merch.
And today I'm going to be judging fashion. (laughs)
Who's gonna get slapped this year?
Why do I hope it's Colin Firth by Jamie Lee Curtis?
You're letting her stay up past 9:00 PM, girl.
She's gonna get crazy.
Sabrina Elba and Idris Elba. Wow.
Oh, that's delicious.
Okay, girly.
The Kids' Choice words were a few months ago,
but she said I don't give a shit.
I have honestly never seen someone look so good
in slime green before.
I am quite impressed.
And Idris, you look okay, okay?
You look decent, okay?
It's a suit. I don't know how to judge that.
But your wife, daughter, wife, daughter?
Daughter, wife, wife? I know, but she looks good, okay?
Paul Mescal, ugh.
The only man in a mullet that I'll let touch me.
This man looks like I've never seen him in anything
but also very familiar at the same time.
Y'all could go in the comments
and correct me if I have, okay?
Like I know he's in "Aftersun,"
and I really need to see that movie
'cause I'm told it's really good.
And I also know he's my future baby daddy.
We already crossed those paths, right?
And he looks nice, you know?
He's giving us Trevor Noah on every single red carpet.
You know, that's the vibe I'm getting.
It's a suit, but he put a red rose on it
to add a little splash of color, you know?
Fuck masculinity, right? (laughs)
Austin Butler.
Cute.
Who are you? Tems?
Hello. Tems is beautiful.
Tem dress is gorgeous, Tems.
Is it Teams or Tems?
I'm gonna say it's Tems 'cause Tems sounds vibrant.
She's giving me like a cloud princess, you know?
Giving me a little Bjork. Okay.
♪ I go through all this for you baby ♪
♪ So I can feel happier to be here safe with you ♪
You know? I like it.
What are you in?
I'm gonna watch it now. I'm gonna search you out.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
I guess Auntie showed up to the family reunion.
Paul Dano.
Oh, look at you with your suit with patterns
and your no lips.
Oh.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I have standards.
For some reason it's giving me
Bill Nye the Science Guy vibes.
I don't know why.
It might be a bow tie. I think it's the bow tie.
It's 100% the bow tie.
And probably 'cause you're white. I don't know.
(Machiazelli gasps)
I'm sorry. (laughs)
Not me gasping.
One of my friends, Reece, is on TV right now.
He's on ABC Live.
He's a TikToker.
He goes like behind the scenes for a lot of movies.
He does like the TikToks for a lot of movie campaigns.
Go ahead, girl.
Aw, I wish I heard it. Goddammit.
Ryan Seacrest.
Congrats.
Angela Bassett did the thing.
Doing the thing is she doing.
Of course, all right. 110%.
Girl, this is gorgina.
This is gorgiana, gorgessica.
Oh, this won. This is her fuckin' night, girl.
Ooh, girl. Okay, Barney.
Lowkey she looks like an evil stepmother
in a campy fairytale movie, but like, that is a compliment.
In recent times, you know that evil stepmother
is fashionable as fuck.
Ana de Armas.
Yes, I am into it.
But girl, I do not know why you got nominated.
I love you, though.
I love you, though, but that movie,
that movie was hard to swallow.
This is a great dress.
I like the ruffles.
It's matching the carpet, though.
But I think no one knew what color carpet
was gonna be this year because they seem
to change the color of the fuckin' carpets
every year now, girl.
They can't figure it out.
They said red is out of style.
Let's do black, let's do gray, let's do blue.
Like girl, make up your mind. Riz Ahmed can fuck me.
That's all I wanted to say, okay? This is just a suit.
Stephanie Hsu. Yes, baby.
Bippity-boppity-boo up in this bitch,
looking like a fairy godmother because you are.
You are magical, girly. Love that movie.
Love this salmon color pink.
It's making me hungry. I haven't eaten at all today, girl.
It is 4:00 PM, almost five,
and I haven't eaten a single thing.
I've been sleeping all day
because they decided to do a time jump out of nowhere.
And I was just laying on my bed, scrolling on TikTok
and look at my clock and suddenly it's 5:30.
Daylight savings time bitch.
But you look good, Stephanie. You look good, Stephanie.
It's giving me cotton candy.
I'm just hungry. I'm hungry.
Okay, I'm gonna move on.
Jonathan Majors.
Ugh.
I give you all of the consent, okay?
All of it.
That's it.
Ava DuVernay, looking like the Queen
of a Capitol District, okay?
She looks royal. This is regal.
This is the Oscars. This is the Oscars, girl.
I get that it's the Oscars,
but one year I want someone to come in a denim miniskirt
and a bralet and have that be me.
I'm gonna do it.
Florence Pugh.
Wow. This is the look.
This is a, this is, ah girl,
this is confusing, but I'm into it.
It gives me like abstract depression.
That's like the first thing that comes to my fuckin' mind.
This is very like contemporary art.
You would see this in a contemporary art museum
about like some artist
that went through depression and designed this.
I don't fuckin' know.
Like the whole thing is split.
Like it's not just the skirt part,
like the whole thing is a skirt with the bra
and then she has like a mini dress on underneath.
I don't know. I'm into it.
Lenny Kravitz is always there
looking like Judith from "Jesus Christ Superstar," okay?
But work. Honestly, it's a look.
I mean it's Lenny Kravitz, you know?
Is he ever gonna wear a shirt? We don't, I don't think so.
I want him one day to come fully shirtless to a red carpet.
We just see a very big tan line of a deep veep
going all the way to his belly button.
Cara Delevingne.
Delevingne, Delevingne, Delevingne, Dele-ga-va-giny.
You know that Cara girl. Girl, work.
Of course she's going to.
She's a model, right? Like that's where she started.
I can tell because this is a look
and you are serving it, hunty mama.
Yes, God. Okur.
Tip me.
Hey super thanks are thing if you wanna give me money
if you just like feel sorry for me.
Halle Bailey.
Yes.
♪ Up where they walk ♪
♪ Up where they run ♪
♪ Up where they stay all day in the sun ♪
Type of girl.
She know what she's doin', she know what she wants,
she knows what she's promoting.
She's here for a reason, she's here for a goal
and she is going to let us all know, okay?
This is giving Disney Princess, very much so,
and we understand why, okay?
We understand, okay?
I hope the movie does well
but it is a Disney live action
and Disney live actions have not been doing so great, so,
I wish you the best of luck
with that big ass paycheck you probably got.
Ariana DeBose, our queen.
Our new queen.
She gifted the gay community
with something we're never gonna forget
and so now she gets a crown.
And also this look is fire, girl, you are doing that.
It's giving me "Great Gatsby."
I love large parties.
Large parties are so intimate.
Small parties, you get no privacy.
You know that girl?
I've read that book too many times. I'm sorry.
Yes, I read. Surprising, I know.
I'm surprised myself sometimes.
♪ Angela Bassett did the thing. ♪
Sandra Oh, mama.
She's giving me Nickelodeon, but like in a good way, okay?
This is my favorite color.
This is my fa....
This is my favorite color,
so she's kind of flirting with me and I'm okay with that.
I accept that. We can talk about it later.
But I'm into it. I'm really into it.
I'm really into it.
I might be very biased 'cause it's my favorite color
but I'm really into it.
(Machiazelli gasps)
Mindy. In her Reputation era?
What is this, girl? This is a serve.
She changed stylists, she had to.
Girl, this is a, this is, girl.
Girl. (laughs)
It's giving me Fashion Week.
It's giving me, oh, you're gonna remember me tonight.
This is amazing.
Unexpected, and it's a vibe.
And I really hope it does not get dirty
because that is like pure white, girl.
That is virgin white.
I feel like just me looking at it
is putting some dirt on it.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, look it, Malala.
Hey, girl. What you doin' here?
Were you in something?
I like this.
For some reason it's giving me Statue of Liberty vibes
and I don't know why.
I'm not from New York.
I don't know, it's giving me like shiny art deco,
like Chrysler building, like 1920s and I'm into it.
It's a vibe. Go ahead, Malala.
Hong Chau. Period.
This is art deco.
This is very much 1930s, very old-fashioned Hollywood.
It's cute.
Like this butt cape situation is very weird,
but I'm so into it for some reason.
Like, I don't know how to describe it. It just gives me art.
It lowkey looks like they just stapled
a rug to your back, but it's art. (laughs)
Marlee Maitlin, I don't know who you are,
but I'm going to shout you out right now
because I approve of every single part of this.
Businesswoman on the top,
Can-can dancer on the bottom.
Okay girl.
Elizabeth Olson, looks like she just got some bad news
two seconds before this photo was taken.
Girl, you okay? And is this Scarlet Witch alive?
Is the Scarlet Witch alive? Is she alive?
Y'all cannot give us the genius of "Wandavision"
and then take her away from us like that, okay?
She needs to carry the rest of Marvel.
Don't do this to us.
But anyways, this dress is decent.
Jamie Lee Curtis, come on, Activia money.
All blinged out. Look at her.
Look at mother. Look at grandma.
Great aunt, great aunt, great aunt, great aunt, great aunt.
Look at great aunt. (laughs)
Harvey Guillen. Period.
Period, let 'em know. Tell them how it's done.
100%, exactly.
It's giving me old time conductor. I don't know why.
Like you look at this man, you think,
"Oh he knows every single piece of Beethoven
like it's the back of his hand."
I swear to God.
Brendan Fraser.
Uh...
Yay. (laughs)
Alice Rohrwacher. What is happening?
What is going on?
Why?
Why did we make this decision?
It's giving me, I am going to Vegas
but I am also a retired 74 year old woman.
It's giving me Golden Girls meets Miami.
I don't know why, I don't know how to describe that.
Ashley Graham. Work.
Here he is, Reece.
Look at you.
Lookin' cute, too.
You look like a, you look like a dom.
Honestly, you look like you're about to fist me
and I am okay with that.
You look like you have guns on you
and you're ready to dive in front of a bullet
if you need to.
And maybe I, maybe that turns me on.
Drew Afualo.
Afualo, A-fue-lo.
A-fue-lo? A-fwa-lo?
A-fue-lo? I'm sorry.
Girl, work. It's cute and congrats.
From TikTok to the Oscars. That's a vibe.
Y'all workin' it, okay.
I missed the wave and here I am.
I'm okay. I'm doing decent.
Oh, look, Lilly Singh.
Wow, this is a really good fuckin' color.
I might have just found a new favorite color, girl,
because this is, this is delicious.
This is making me hungry.
I think I'm just hungry. I'm hungry.
Janelle Monae. Mother.
When does she not look good?
Have I ever insulted Janelle Monae in one of these?
Have I ever roasted Janelle Monae in one of these?
I don't think so.
Janelle Monae and her stylist
know what the fuck they're doing, okay?
That's all I'm gonna say, and this is proof.
Okay, orange is the color for Black people.
I am sorry, I am sorry.
Okay?
And Sandra Oh. And Sandra Oh.
Cate Blanchett. Work.
Lady Gaga.
I wish you can see how I see this photo.
I'm gonna put it right next to you right now. (laughs)
I think they just uploaded this photo
and so it's like still processing, but this is hilarious.
It looks good in my view, in my field of vision,
as best as it can. (laughs)
When has Lady Gaga, I mean,
when does she ever looked terrible?
She even looked good in a meat dress, girl.
In a meat dress.
Jessie Buckley. Okay.
You know, when I think of the musical "Bad Cinderella,"
this is the aesthetic I would think it would be selling.
You know, it's giving us a punk rock fairytale,
and Demi Lovato will be so happy.
Here she is, Michelle Yeoh.
Once again, the photo is doing a thing.
I don't know why they're picking select people.
This feels like sabotage right now, girl.
I'm about to post this on Twitter.
But she looks cute in this very limited field of view.
But let me see the actual size.
Okay, yeah. What's happening?
Oh, it's like little spikes or something coming out of her.
Go work. Michelle Yeoh, I hope you win this, girl.
I hope you win this. You deserve it.
Win it for us, okay?
I don't know who us is, but I'm a apart of it now.
And last, we will end this on Nicole Kidman.
Wow.
Oh, wow, actually, I'm into this. (laughs)
For a second, I thought the flowers
were just patterns on the dress
but they're actually poking out
and I like weird things, okay?
I love when people do weird things
and this is weird enough for me.
I'm into it.
You did that, girl, and I need to go eat something, okay?
I'm feeling lightheaded.
Oh wait, no, Michelle Williams.
Mother.
Cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin.
I like it.
It's giving me ghosts of Christmas present, you know?
I don't know what that means. Girl, I'm so lightheaded.
Honestly, this would be a really vibing wedding dress
for somebody one day.
I can see it, I can see it.
It's a vibe. I'm into it.
Okay, now I'm gonna stop.
I really need to go eat something, girl.
My stomach is going (speaking gibberish).
(Machiazelli laughs)
(hip hop music)
Okay, y'all know the dealio.
Shout out to @moteiketsu and @gwenistrying
for retweeting my last video on Twitter.
Comment down below. Who was your favorite on the red carpet?
Who was your least favorite on red carpet? And that's it.
Thank you guys so much for watching
and don't forget to like, comment,
share and subscribe-ay, ah!