'I had expected you before now.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Now hear this you guys. Hey, shut up.’
Mark of the Witch opens in 17th century England.
‘You will hear me now you good men of Lancashire.’
British place names are a pronunciation minefield.
We’re here for the execution of witch, Margery,
so; do you have any last curses.
‘MacIntyre Stewart.’
I’d like to show you the whole thing but it’s quite long.
‘Yes you have most viley foresworn your own blood oath.’
I mean at some point she’s just trying to string this out so she doesn’t get hanged.
‘The mark of my lord satan will be with you always.’
The film then jumps ahead to the 1970s and we meet student Jill.
‘I never knew there were so many books.’
Like… seven.
‘It’s even worse than you think.’
Actually, this is not a super-bad film,
it’s sporadically entertaining
and my main reason for reviewing it that it reminded me of Anna Biller’s excellent 2016 film The Love Witch,
'I set up shop as a witch, and started using my love spells on unsuspecting men.'
'And as you have concerns for your Jill you will not cross me in my absence.'
not in its themes,
‘What about sex?’
nor that, but in its style, maybe tone – it’s interesting to note that both its writers were women –
and I know Anna Biller hates reviewers drawing these comparisons to her film but…
‘Have some.’
'Want some.'
There’s a similarity.
And I think I watched Mark of the Witch differently having made that connection,
forgetting that this film is 100% percent serious.
‘Hey baby, you’re the sexiest witch caller I know.’
Anyway, Jill shows an old magic book to her college classmates
and her professor Mac Stewart who looks eerily similar to the man who hanged the witch 300 years ago.
They decide to try a spell.
‘Who’s ready to summon a witch.’
Nothing happens. Or does it?
‘Macintyre’
'How did you know that?’
This subtle hint that Jill is now the witch is swiftly followed by some less subtle ones.
‘Impudent lack-wit.’
Not exactly holding back the reveal,
‘I have spent 3 centuries in hell waiting to meet you again.’
also she kills a dog.
'Where's your dog?'
'In the yard.'
'He's dead.'
Off camera.
‘Surely you realise I am not Jill.’
I can kill another pet if that would convince you.
'Alan.'
Jill/Margery navigates modern technology.
‘Had you and I a lamp like this our coven would have ruled the world.’
Putting a lot of faith in the power of a lamp.
She also, for some reason, keeps up Jill’s education.
‘And this is my full class schedule for the week.’
I think this film has probably become more entertaining with time because,
like Hammer’s Dracula AD 1972, it’s a snapshot of how things definitely weren’t in the early 70s.
‘Man I sure don’t groove with these 8 o clock classes.’
unfortunately the plot keeps getting in the way,
as Mac and Jill’s boyfriend Alan try to get Jill back,
‘We’ve got to take this seriously or it’s not going to work.’
A quest that involves a lot of talk and very little action.
#music sting that sounds more like a phone ring# - this sound is so out of place, I'm not sure the following joke works.
‘Jill?’
(Your phone’s going)
While also trying to figure out her evil plan.
‘What does she want anyway?’
‘I don’t know, but whatever it is we’ve got to stop it.’
Clearly, it involves magic,
(Look, I'm going to level with you, I don't know how to spell the names of the demons she is listing, it is not really key to the plot so don't worry.)
'Oh ancient ones come forth at my command. Comfort your sister in her torment on earth.
which is another problem, cos this is 4 minutes of shouting.
‘Dagon my prince!’
I don’t know if she’s invoking demons or planning her fantasy dinner party.
(More demons= names, seriously, this goes on a while.)
Every time there’s a spell, the film stops,
'Down in hell the council of devils...'
even when she’s killing people it’s dull.
‘Forever into eternityyyyy.’
Likewise, every time Mac and Alan start planning, the film stops.
‘You know, if we could just get her to tell us what she’s going to do next.’
Well that would be ideal.
And while they’re researching....
'Forever into eternity.'
'Down in hell.'
Their friends are dying.
‘We’re not standing by while you kill at random.’
That’s all you’re doing.
‘We can’t just sit around and read.’
I wouldn’t have thought so, yet here we are.
But now they have a plan, one that means they have to join Margery for a spell.
(Here we go with the demon names gain...)
Oh no she’s off again.
But how will Mac stop the witch without harming Jill?
A cross.
That’s the big idea you’ve been researching the whole damn movie,
holed up with books, acres of discussion, unable to act while people are killed, and the answer was cross.
‘Between us we should be able to find some sort of – what do you call it – counterspell, potion or white magic.’
Yet you didn’t think of cross.
This would always be unsatisfying but
let’s just go back to when they summoned the witch.
‘Witches don’t go for crucifixes.’
He knew!
Okay, there’s no doubt in my mind that this was meant to be serious,
despite all evidence to the contrary.
‘You can’t exorcise witches on an empty stomach. How do you like your eggs? Over easy?’
but time has made it funny and not in the usual way we might laugh dodgy effects in old films,
this actually looks like a knowing pastiche.
'I like my chicks dumb baby, but you really are something else.'
Plus, there’s enough good ideas that you follow the story, even if it doesn’t add up to much.
‘Perhaps MacIntyre,
I’m not trying to do anything’
if it wasn’t for the long conversations and longer rituals,
this could be the most entertaining film we’ve ever reviewed.
#Evil witch cackle#
By accident.
'Oh that's just beautiful professor.'
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What older movie remind you weirdly of new one? Let us know in the comments below.