- I'll piggyback off of that one.
Did they know that you were a virgin?
- Yeah, mine did.
- Mine too.
- Yeah, mine knew.
- Mine didn't.
- Hmm. Okay, you two switched for that. (all chuckles)
(upbeat music)
- I here have a theory
that I look like I've seen a thing or two.
- Yeah.
- And have been seeing a thing or two for a while.
But I was gonna say, I think the same is true of you.
I would even put you like ahead of me,
but I love your aesthetic anyway.
I think I expected people to think
that I'm into hardcore, stuff like that,
and have had a really colorful past.
- You look like you have demons, respectfully.
- I love that. That's the goal.
- I think-
- I should go in your spot?
- No, her.
- Okay.
- Me? (all chuckles)
Right at the front?
- No, not in the front. In my spot right here.
- Over here? Okay.
- I feel like I would switch places with you
and go in the middle. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Just somewhere in the middle.
- I feel as though you should be back here.
I think you're the quiet achiever.
- I think so. I think she's...
- So I would say even,
yeah, maybe even at the front here, yes.
- Even based on appearance,
I think I would actually put you ahead of me.
- Okay.
- I have a feeling that you shouldn't be that far down.
- Me?
- You should pop down somewhere in here.
- Like in the middle?
- I don't know where to position myself.
- I'd say maybe towards the middle, right over here.
- Okay.
- I don't know where to put myself,
so I'm just gonna leave it, maybe, I don't know.
- I feel like she's very confident
in the fact that she should be further up, so maybe-
- In the middle. In the middle at least.
- Put yourself where you think you might fit.
- I feel like here. Here's good. (chuckles)
(upbeat music)
- Maybe we can talk about like relationships status.
Are you guys in a relationship or married or you know.
- I am single. I have a couple side pieces but...
- I go on so many different dates,
and my longest relationship
would have to be three or four years.
- I'm single.
I haven't been in one for a little while, I'd say.
- I'm married and I've been with him for eight years, so-
- [All] Wow.
- I haven't been married for eight years.
I've been together with my husband for eight years.
- I'm married and I've been with him four years, I guess.
I hadn't dated anybody longer than a year
until I met my husband.
- I am in the longest relationship I've ever been
and now we've been together for around a year and a half.
I wanna put you ahead of me
because you've been in a relationship for eight years.
- Yeah, I'm not sure 'cause relationships,
like they can be a starting point,
but of course that doesn't dictate everything
in terms of losing your virginity.
- So true.
- I feel like I wanna wanna move myself.
Am I okay to do that?
- I kinda wanna switch with you.
- Yes.
- I feel like I'm the most unstable in my relationships, so.
- Do you guys feel,
like you had an adequate sexual education?
- My parents talked to me about it before,
was share with me in sixth grade, you know, in school.
Did your parents talk to you about sex
or did you find out from a sibling or from a peer or?
- I learned about it at school,
and through my friends' experiences as well.
- I was around 11 or 12.
My mom gave me a book about puberty and everything,
and was saying "If you have any questions just let me know."
- My mom talked to me about it when I was eight.
But unfortunately, in middle school,
I really grasped it because of the internet.
- I feel like I had an adequate sexual education.
Between school and my mom was really religious,
so she was like wait till marriage.
- I was really young, I guess, compared to the group.
I was in maybe second grade,
and one of my best friends in elementary school
told me about sex,
and her parents were very open with her about sex.
So she like told me in graphic detail everything
and I was really fascinated by it,
but also would pray every night for years
that God would make me forget what it was
'cause I felt really bad about knowing what it was.
Horny information. (all chuckles)
- Yeah. I remember being grossed out.
I asked my mom, I was like, "You do this with dad?"
And she's like, "Yeah, once a week."
And I was just like, oh, I couldn't look at my dad.
- Okay, well, based on the fact
that you had like confusing mixed signals about sex,
I would say I don't agree with y'all's position in general,
so I think you should be all the way at the end.
- Okay.
- I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this
but has anyone ever felt like there was a time in life
where they were afraid to have sex?
- I was afraid being hurt,
being vulnerable to somebody taking that from me, so yes.
- You know, people would tell me, like different stories,
and like how much it hurts,
and mainly it was like a physical fear for me.
- Yeah, I was definitely agree that I was afraid,
more afraid of it not meaning to them what it meant to me.
- I was never, ever, ever afraid to have sex.
I wanted to have it as soon as I found out what it was.
I think, gonna scoot down a little bit, yeah.
Did a lot of y'all grow up religious?
- I'm Christian.
I didn't grow up Christian but I became Christian.
- I grew up as a dancer, so everything was very sexualized.
So obviously when I dance I'm telling a story,
and clothes I wear,
I feel like I like to embrace that femininity about me.
- I think you should be a little further down, here?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Okay.
- I grew up Mormon.
- Okay. Extra fun. (chuckles)
- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Even though I grew up Christian and still am Christian,
I never felt like sex was damned,
even masturbation was presented,
I remember in a Sunday school class
as like being optional, you know, being okay.
- I was told something that was really triggering to my OCD.
In church, I was told that masturbating, sorry,
that masturbating is wrong
because it means that your partner means less to you
and that you're like stealing pleasure from them.
And it's like sad 'cause I've loved my partners
and that's not true.
- You know, in a way if you don't have a partner, it's like,
well, what are you supposed to do with yourself then?
- So it's something that I had explored previously.
And as a Christian,
I personally don't really believe
that I should be doing that,
so it's something that I try to avoid.
I never want to hurt anyone's feelings
or come across as like mean or rude,
and I think it's just a different view,
it's a different value.
- I have a confession and I've never watched porn ever.
And I think it's because I don't find most men attractive.
- I guess that that brings up the question
of like when we talk about having sex,
are we talking about having sex with men?
- You know, if penetration is losing virginity for somebody
or if- - Somebody's a lesbian.
- Yeah, somebody's a lesbian, then it's like if you do oral,
maybe they would say like,
"Oh I lost my virginity that way."
- Right.
- But I feel like it's more about the intimacy,
like you said, it's like so how,
when did you break your virginity?
Where do we draw the line there?
Going back to what you were saying.
- And break, I love the...
I heard you say that earlier, "Break your virginity."
- Yeah, break your virginity.
So in Australia, we call it breaking virginity.
I think breaking my virginity is more intense,
so I feel it really fits my story.
Yeah, losing isn't so hardcore.
- I have a question. Were you guys popular growing up?
- No.
(all laughing)
We'll start there.
- I was popular at school,
I think 'cause I was a dancer and...
- You look like you were popular, like the blonde.
- [Stephanie] The hair, the curly hair.
- I was more of like a like academic jock,
but still I never felt like I measured up
to like the super popular crowd.
- I think in regards to your story
about how popular you were athletically,
you get to know a lot of people and be more social.
I think you and I should switch spots.
- Okay.
- I was definitely a partier in college,
and I started drinking when I was in middle school
but it was definitely mostly to fit in.
- There was a comment made that you seem really confident,
and I've been observing you and I totally think that's true.
I kind of want to put you between me and her.
- Okay. (chuckles)
- Has anybody in the group taken somebody's virginity?
- I know I've taken one person's virginity.
I didn't like it. (chuckles)
- I try to avoid that situation,
so if someone didn't tell me that I wouldn't know.
- It actually happened to me pretty recently.
I had taken somebody's virginity and their first kiss.
According to them, it was a really good experience.
- I still feel like you're down here somewhere though.
- Where? Where am I going?
- Maybe. Yeah.
(all chuckles)
You're like the dark horse that we have to watch.
- Yeah. - I feel.
- When you all lost your virginity,
was it to somebody who was also a virgin?
- Yes. - No.
- No.
- No. No.
- I'll piggyback off of that one.
Did they know that you were a virgin?
- Yeah, mine did.
- Mine too.
- Yeah, mine knew.
- Mine knew.
- Mine didn't.
- Hmm. Okay, you too switched for that.
- Okay.
I feel like you were trying to bag one,
you know what I mean?
Like get it over with.
- Hmm. (all chuckles)
I don't wanna respond to that right now. We'll see.
- I think you're too far down.
- Where should I go?
- In between these dresses.
- I actually think you're ahead of me,
so I would like to put you between me and her.
- I feel like you should go ahead though.
I don't know. I'm not sure.
- You seem curious, I feel like you maybe you,
yeah, experimental earlier. - Or maybe.
- I guess since this spot's empty, I'll come over here.
- Hey, good humans.
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And now let's get back to the episode.
(playful music)
- [Facilitator] So in the 7th spot, Deanna.
(playful music)
In the 6th spot, Sidney.
(playful music)
In the 5th spot, Christina.
(playful music)
- Wow.
- Sluts.
- Yeah. (all chuckling)
- [Facilitator] In the 4th spot, Stephanie.
(playful music)
So in the 3rd spot, Sarah.
In the 2nd spot, Nicki.
(playful music)
And in the 1st spot, Amanda.
(all chuckles)
- So what's the tail?
- I was 15.
My friend wanted to lose her virginity
so she was talking to this guy,
and she was like, "Oh, he always has this friend with him
so can you come and hang out?"
And I ended up liking him.
He took his mom's van, and we all went to the woods.
I lost my virginity listening to Pretty Ricky
with my friend and his friend watching us in the backseat.
(chuckles) So, that's what it was.
- I was 16 and I really wanted to lose my virginity,
and I found a boy who I thought was cute.
We went to homecoming together,
and then we kind of snuck away,
and went back to his parents' house and we did it upstairs.
- I was 19 and I was having a sleepover
with my then guy best friend.
So one night he told me he loved me,
but we were just kissing and I was like,
I feel intuitively right about this now.
And now we've been together for like a year and a half.
- I lost our virginity at 22.
I lost it to my current husband on our wedding night.
- Oh my God.
- And we waited eight years to do it.
Like everyone was like, "Oh, are you like pumped?
Are you so excited? Like it's the night."
Obviously, like pretty expressive about like,
"Oh my gosh, really excited for the wedding.
Multiple reason. One reason being able to have sex, right?"
- I lost mine at 22.
It was from a person
who I got into a relationship with over a dating app.
One night when we were at his place
just cuddling and watching a movie,
we talked about it a little bit more and I felt ready then.
- So I was 28 when I broke my virginity.
So I'd waited my whole life for that special somebody,
and it wasn't for religious reasons, like I said,
it was something that I wanted to give my partner.
So I waited and I found out he was married.
- Oh gosh. - Oh my gosh.
- Yeah, it wasn't the best experience for me,
so now I have trust issues.
- [Christina] Yeah.
- I was 41 when I lost my virginity
to the man that I'm now married to.
I'm 45, so I literally dated over a hundred guys.
Part of it was like, oh, I wasn't finding the right guy,
but most of it was
because I was chasing like unavailable men.
I mean, we flew to this island called Huahine
in French Polynesia, had sex in a bungalow,
and he brought along these little sex cards,
like different sex positions to try out.
So it was playful and tried it several times in that day
and figured out what worked,
and he did propose a couple days later.
So, and here we are.
- Wow. - Wow.
(light music)
- So many people carry unnecessary shame
about losing their virginity too late or too early,
and there's no right time objectively.
- But I think there is a part of sexual empowerment too
where you can draw your own boundaries,
and you don't feel like you have to owe anybody sex.
What I was looking for
was a committed and loving relationship, and it's hard,
it's really hard to find that out there.
And if that's what you're looking for, don't give up.
- Final thoughts?
Hmm. Have sex. (chuckles)
- How soon did you tell your friends after?
I just told my best friend.
- I told everyone. It's funny.
- I would say given my the situation,
people probably assumed.
- Definitely told my mom the next day.
Anybody else tell their mom? - Yeah, I told my mom.
- I think my mom still thinks I'm a virgin.
(all laughing)