Serving as Royal Fool under four Targaryen monarchs, the dwarf Mushroom was described
with a large head upon a body only three feet tall, considered dim-witted by most courtiers
which meant they spoke openly before him, unaware he was actively listening to their
secrets.
Often seen as perverted, crass and debauched, Mushroom was also deceptively intelligent
and observant, famed for silly antics which disguised a sharp tongue and cunning wit.
Serving under King Viserys I, Queen Rhaenyra, King Aegon II and King Aegon III, Mushroom
was a highly placed witness to the Dance of the Dragons civil war which nearly destroyed
House Targaryen and wiped out the dragon population of Westeros.
At some point, someone recognized the value of his experiences and recorded this period
of his life in the Testimony of Mushroom, a controversial book teeming with many lude,
vulgar passages, so outrageous most copies were burned during the reign of Baelor the
blessed.
Yet some few survived and were later used as one of three primary sources for that period
by Arhcmaester Gyldayn when he wrote Fire & Blood, being a History of the Targaryen
Kings of Westeros.
Gyldayn’s work was also featured in Maester Yandel’s respected text The World of Ice
Fire.
Even so, while Maesters understood the value of his testimony, they also questioned the
validity of his many outlandish and overwhelmingly unlikely stories, considered the least accurate
of the sources.
Yet at other times his words seemed far more reasonable and corresponded with other accounts,
granting a unique insight into the events of the time.
Among the more fascinating claims made by the Testimony of Mushroom, he stated the great
feud between Otto Hightower and Daemon Targaryen began because the rogue prince deflowered
the Hand’s daughter Alicent Hightower.
Mushroom also claimed he personally assisted Ser Daemon in teaching the heir to the throne
princess Rhaenyra Targaryen, the ways of love, with her uncle even taking her to the street
of silk dressed as a page boy, where she could witness the womanly arts of prostitutes in
brothels.
Throughout all this however, Rhaenrya remained a virgin as she was in love with her Kingsguard
Ser Criston Cole.
After Rhaenyra’s relationship with Ser Criston ended, Mushroom claimed to have caught her
in bed with Ser Harwin Strong.
Amidst rising tensions between princess Rhaenyra’s black faction, and queen Alicent’s greens,
the king's daughter left the capital accompanied by her household which now included Mushroom,
who followed her to dragonstone.
Though Mushroom served King Viserys for many years, he delighted in making Rhaenyra laugh,
entertaining her since she was a baby.
She in turn grew very fond of the royal fool, keeping him by her side even during the worst
of times when depressed from great loss or paranoid about the loyalty of everyone else.
This bond meant Mushroom’s testimony, despite the crass facade, was ultimately biased towards
his beloved Queen.
While serving on Dragonstone, Mushroom claimed to personally carry Rhaenyra’s miscarried
child to cremation, and later witnessed the duel of the Cargyll Twins after the outbreak
of war, stating the fight lasted mere moments, with the brothers yelling traitor before they
each struck a mortal blow.
According to Mushroom, it was his idea to recruit new dragon riders from possible descendants
of illegitimate Targaryen children.
And during the event attempted to claim Silverwing for his own, only for his pantaloons to catch
fire, forcing him into a well where he nearly drowned.
Nearing the end of Rhaenyra’s reign, when Mushroom watched the storming of the dragonpit
from the roof of Maegor’s holdfast, he spoke aloud his skepticism after the queen suggested
the small folk could not kill their dragons, creating one of the rare moments where she
lost patience and ordered his silence.
As a result, when the queen’s son Joffrey quietly left them, Mushroom said nothing,
which unfortunately allowed the boy to mount his mother’s dargon Syrax and fly it into
battle where he died.
Left in emotional ruin, Rhaenrya fled the capital with what she believed was her last
living child Aegon, though in truth another of her sons Viserys still lived in captivity
overseas.
As a result of this sudden flight, Mushroom was left behind in the capital, where he witnessed
the moon of three kings, when rogue claimaints took power in King’s landing for a month.
Yet this all ended when Aegon II captured and killed queen Rhaenrya on Dragonstone,
which then allowed him to lead an army to take the capital, and sit the throne as king.
Now serving as fool to Aegon II, Mushroom claimed the king often ordered a male and
female favourite to be intimate before him, even tasking Mushroom to perform on three
separate occasions.
As Aegon’s reign came to a bloody close, with supporters of the deceased Queen Rhaenyra
descending upon the capital, Mushroom hid in barrel of flour to survive, and after the
death of the king was called upon as a witness to the events of these final days.
Continuing on as royal fool, Mushroom now served the new king Aegon III, son of his
beloved Rhaenrya.
Yet the boy was sullen and morose, with none of his mother’s love for laughter or the
fool’s silly antics.
Unappreciated in the royal court, Mushroom claimed that at some point he received an
offer to serve the Sealord of Braavos, but ultimately declined.
During an event where king was set to choose a queen, which Mushroom called the Maiden’s
Day Cattle Show, he was threatened and bribed to speak ill of all the girls so Aegon would
choose Lord Unwin Peake’s daughter.
A scheme which ultimately failed as Aegon chose Daenaera Velaryon, a beautiful young
girl who had much more appreciation for Mushroom’s performances.
Witnessing an assassination attempt during one of their dinners, Aegon’s friend and
food taster Gaemon Palehair got sick, but by the time Mushroom returned with a Maester
the boy was collapsed and soon dead from poisoning.
During the secret seige, when the still underage King Aegon III rebelled against his regents,
Mushroom remained with the king and his family in Maegor’s Holdfast, even helping them
realize the enemy was playing tricks with false witnesses, ultimately contributing to
their eventual victory.
When Aegon finally turned 16 and dismissed his regents, including Lord Torrhen Manderly,
a man fiercely loyal to his mother during the war, Mushroom was offered a place by his
side, having grown fond of the fool during the many years he served in the capital.
Mushroom, in turn, also enjoyed the Lord’s company and gladly accepted the offer to escape
the joyless prison of Aegon’s court.
Remaining in the northern city of White Harbor for many years, Mushroom’s great talents
eventually allowed him to travel the world, serving in the Sealord's Palace in Braavos
as well as the Port of Ibben on the isle of Ib, and even earned a place with a troupe
of travelling mummers, sailing aboard a ship they called the Lisping Lady.
From this point forward, Mushroom disappeared from the histories, yet the tales of this
legendary royal fool lived on for many years, remembered not only for his gifts as an entertainer,
but also as a vital witness and academic source for one of the most bloody periods in Targaryen
history.