In this video we're going to be talking about three reasons why your ex ignores you. This
is going to be probably a little bit surprising, at least some of these are going to be a little
bit surprising to you. So be sure you watch straight through to the end because some of
these are probably not what you think. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
We help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not. Because you, of course, deserve to be loved for the
unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you agree with me, help me out
by giving this little YouTube channel a lift by hitting that Thumbs Up button for the algorithm
and by subscribing to this channel right down below so that you can get notified when we
publish and upload new videos. Also, I did want to let you know that we do
have a new quiz, a new survey that you can fill out if you're interested in working with
us in a deeper sort of way. The link for that is down in the description box below. Feel
free to fill it out if you want to learn about how we might be able to help you. We have
different levels of service, so fill out the survey and it'll send you off to the right
area based on what your situation is and what you're looking for. But let's go ahead and
get into this. So now, if your ex is ignoring you and you're
trying to connect with them for some reason it can be really frustrating. I get it. I
know it. I've been there myself. When I went through my series of breakups in the past,
it was really difficult for me because I wanted to connect with my ex. I wanted to understand
what was going on with her. I wanted to know how I could make things better, how I could
understand what happened between the two of us, how I could learn from the past, and more
importantly, how I could patch things up. But it was really frustrating when she wouldn't
even respond to me, when this person who just a few weeks earlier would always get back
to me in a reasonable amount of time is suddenly just walling me off.
So what's going on, why is this happening, and more importantly, what can we do about
it? Well, depending on why this is actually happening, there's going to be different things
that you can do about it. But now obviously the first reason that they might be not responding
to you, ignoring you, is that they're trying to move on. This is like the yeah, duh, kind
of reason. Obviously, if your ex is trying to move on, they might not be responding to
you. If they're trying to put a hard stop at the end of your relationship together and
move forward, they would obviously be ignoring you.
Now, you're going to have to look back at your relationship and look back at what happened,
look back at your ex's personality and see, does that fit their personality? Does it fit
their personality to just hard cut someone out of their life? Does it fit their personality
to say, "Okay, we broke some pretty major boundaries here. I broke some trust in some
really major way. I really hit on some sensitive nerve or sensitive topic that's for them...
" Maybe they have trust issues or something like that, and you broke their trust. If that's
the case, then yeah, it might make sense that they're trying to move on, they're trying
to close off that channel of communication so they can move on. Maybe they've read about
something like the no contact rule. There is information out there on no contact for
moving on from your ex. And there's also other people that use no contact to get back together
with their ex. That's a whole conversation for another day, but maybe they've heard about
the no contact rule and they're trying to follow that to move on.
And so, if this is what's happening, then obviously you want to throw them a lifeline
and see like, "Hey, are you wanting space for me right now? If so, just let me know.
But if I'm just left guessing, I'm not going to know how to interact with you." And so
if you get that kind of conversation going, and then you give them the chance to say,
"Yeah, I actually want some space." And it's okay, great, now you know, now you know where
they're at, now you know what to do moving forward, which is to obviously give them some
space and respect that boundary. We don't want to push past that boundary because that's
just going to create more resentment, more of this dynamic that they're going to think
like, "Okay, you're not listening to me. You're not understanding my needs. You're not understanding
what I want right now." And so we want to be respectful of that, okay?
Now, the second reason why your ex might be ignoring you is that potentially they're trying
to get back together with you. Now, I know that might seem a little bit strange and it
might seem a little bit unusual, but yeah, there is that no contact thing, right? They
might still be emotionally entwined with you. And so they're trying to ignore you in order
to evoke an emotional response. Now, will that emotional response is that they want
you to miss them and to come crawling over broken shards of glass or something? Maybe.
Maybe they just want to give it to you. They just want to make you hurt in some way so
that they can feel like they have balanced their perceived power difference. We talked
about the power difference and all of that in a previous video, but we don't need to
go over that right now. But they might think that they need to somehow balance the scales
so to speak, and so they might do something along those lines.
This is all based off of the underlying assumption that they still want to remain entwined emotionally
with you in some way, or that they still are entwined emotionally with you some way. And
so, they might be doing this because they want to get back together with you. They might
be doing this because they want to one up you in some way. The only reason they would
want to do that is because they're still entwined with you, because they still want to have
the two of you in each other's lives in some capacity or something like that. They just
feel like they need to balance out the scales. There could be all sorts of reasons for this.
I mean, again, in a situation like this, it's best to just turn the situation back on them
and just say, "Hey, what is it you're really wanting right now? Hey, it sounds like you
want some space right now. Is that really what you want, because I can give that to
you? I can respect that." But really what we want to do is you want
to try to offer them that lifeline so they can get that chance to say, "Okay, maybe I
actually don't really want to play mind games here. Maybe I actually don't really want to
get revenge. Maybe I don't actually really want to do this or that or the other thing."
But basically, what we're trying to do is we're trying to bring authenticity and being
genuine into this dynamic to shake them out of what in many cases is a mind game kind
of mentality, and just give them the opportunity to say, "Okay, I'm being given the opportunity
to behave like a mature person here. What am I going to do? Am I going to actually become
a mature person here and say, 'Okay, fine, this is what I actually want, this is what
would actually help me.'? Or am I going to say, 'You know what? I'm just going to be
an emotionally immature person here.'?" And based off of whatever their response is,
hopefully you can use that as feedback to make a decision about, "Okay, is this someone
that I actually want in my life? Do I actually want to be in a relationship with an emotionally
immature person?" It's fine if you do, but you have to be real about it, and you have
to be willing to say, "Okay, when I see an emotional immature person, there's something
in my mind that says, 'That is the person for me. I'm going to go for it.'" And then
you have to be willing to accept the consequences of that, which is that, okay, maybe they're
going to do little manipulative mind game things on you or jealousy things or whatever,
right? But if you throw them that lifeline, you give
them the opportunity, if they are just simply misled or misguided because, admittedly, there
is an awful lot of not so great advice out there on dating and relationships. And oftentimes
a lot of people believe that they need to use mind games, play hard to get, string the
other person along, use it as some sort of power play or something like that. And so
if we invite them out of that dynamic and they take us up on it, it's like, "Okay, we've
given you the opportunity to dehypnotize yourself from this faulty line of thinking, and we
can actually have a genuine and authentic connection at this point in time."
Now, the third reason, and this one's going to be a little bit surprising, the third reason
that your ex might be ignoring you is that they are actually not sure how the two of
you fit into each other's lives right now. And they're not really sure how they want
the two of you to fit into each other's lives right now. And so what they might do is they
might say, "Okay, you've contacted me. Now, I could respond to you. I could engage with
you. I could take this where it's going to go. Or, I could just close off my heart and
walk away and go in some other direction. I could go either one of those ways, but I'm
not sure which one I want to do right now. I'm not sure what I want for myself. I don't
know if I want to get back together with you. I don't know if I want to go be in a relationship
with someone else. I don't know where I want to take this. So I'm going to do what most
people do when they are in a situation where they aren't sure what they want, I'm going
to stand still." And so they might just stand still and think
that if they choose no action, that they're actually prolonging their window of opportunity
for making a decision. Now, obviously this is not how life really works. If you are in
inaction, then you're going to lose opportunities. That's just the truth about it. But psychologically,
a lot of people believe that if they just stand still that they can hit the pause button
on life and keep the doors open. And so, your ex might be doing this, they might be thinking,
"Okay, maybe I just need to think this through a little bit more. Maybe if I just sit through
the weekend I'll have some clarity, and then I can get back in contact with you. Or if
I did get in contact with you, I'm not sure how it would be. Maybe I just need to think
this through a little bit more. Maybe I just need to stall a little bit. Maybe I just need
to buy a little bit of time. Maybe I just need to really talk to some friends or something
like that, see what they think about you, see what they think about us and all of that
sort of stuff." And so what you want to do in this case is
what we'd call closing the loop. After a period of time, you want to just circle back with
them. You simply just say, "Hey, I never heard back from you about the thing that we talked
about before." Just something along those lines. And what that does is that it circles
around, it brings the conversation topic back to focus, and it gives them the opportunity
to either say, "Oh, sorry, I was just really busy, I must've missed that message." Or,
"Hey, sorry, I meant to get back to you. I was just thinking about it." Or whatever the
case may be. Maybe they'll take it up from there, or maybe they'll just say, "You know
what? Actually, yeah, I actually do need a little bit of space. Is that something that
you're okay with?" And the two of you can actually have a mature, genuine conversation
at that point. But that's really the key to all of this,
is you have to be willing to pull them out of potentially an emotionally immature response
and invite them into actually being genuine, honest, and open and forthright and transparent
and authentic with you, so that the two of you actually can have that kind of interaction.
I don't like working with people who play mind games. And so if you do want to play
a mind game, and if you're not interested in authentic, genuine connections, then go
watch some other channels. But if you do want to have a genuine, straightforward, authentic
conversation and connection with your ex or with anyone else, then, hey, you have to be
willing to invite them to walk through that door and to actually have that kind of connection
with you. Yeah, if that is something that you want to
get a little bit of help with, we do have our survey down in the description box below
over at modernlove.life/quiz. Feel free to fill it out if you want to learn more about
how you can work with us and how we might be able to help you in your situation. But
yeah, if you did like this video, please help a guy out with his YouTube channel, hit that
Thumbs Up button to help the YouTube algorithm give this a little lift, and subscribe to
this channel as well, too. Also, if you want to learn more about what your ex is thinking,
you might want to check out this video series over here or you might want to check out this
video right here. But thank you so much. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.