Is the breakup that you've had with your ex your fault. And if so,
what do you do about it? Anyway, we're gonna go ahead and get into that in this video. But first
my name is clay with modernlove.life, where you help you get the great loving relationship that
you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard,
to get in without having to pretend to be someone or something you are not because you deserve to
be loved for the unique and wonderful person that you are. We're talking about whether or not your
breakup is, is your fault. Now again, you know, I don't know all the details of your situation
here. I don't know what happened, but one thing that I can tell you is that chances are, it's
not a hundred percent your fault. A relationship is the result of how two people come together.
How two people interact with one another. So maybe the breakup happened because your
partner wasn't feeling as if you appreciated them, you might think it's your fault,
but I don't know. Maybe they didn't speak up and, and let you know how important that was for them,
in which case. Yeah, sure. Maybe you're partly to blame cuz you didn't appreciate them,
but maybe they're also partly to blame for not speaking up for themselves. Right?
I don't want you to, to carry this, this immense burden of guilt that, that maybe what
happened is a hundred percent your fault because it's not, it's not, I mean, unless you,
I don't know, unless you just did something like totally crazy, like just woke up one day
and decided okay. For no, apparently good reason whatsoever. I'm just gonna decide to, to ,
you know, start acting like a complete, what's a nice family friendly word here.
Um, jerk. Okay. There we go. Yeah. now chances are that the quality of your relationship
was the result of the inputs that came from both you and also your partner, right? And that
resulted in the dynamic of how the two of you interacted with one another and what that was
like. And then of course, you know, the breakup happened because if they broke up with you, then
it was because they were somehow dissatisfied with that dynamic. Right. If you broke up with them,
it's because you were dissatisfied with that dynamic. I know it's easy to, to feel a lot
of guilt or, or regret for how things happened, but I don't want you to take it all on yourself.
You know, especially if they said like, yeah, you did this,
you did that. That's why I'm leaving you cuz you know, you're no good.
And this other person is like a million times better than you or something like that. It's
easy to feel guilty. It's easy to be like, wow. I really dropped the ball. My priorities are out
of alignment and, and I did X, Y, Z, or whatever. And now I, now I feel bad about it now I'm just,
you know, regretting all this. And you know, it's not to say that you're blameless in any of this
cuz again, you know, we're all responsible for the dynamic of the relationships that we create with
other people. And they're also equally responsible for the, the, the dynamic of the relationships
that they create with us as well too. So I mean, you know, sure. There's probably things that you
could have done differently and there's probably things that were your responsibility and maybe
things that you could have done, uh, better. But it's not as if you're alone in this, right?
And I don't want you to be carrying around this heavy sense of regret, this heavy sense of guilt,
this heavy sense of, of, you know, I screwed up because at the end of the day,
looking back into the past, isn't helpful
Cuz that's not where life happens. Where does life happen? It happens
right here, right now. It happens in this moment.
It happens in this moment that I happen to be walking on a path by the water. It happens in this
moment that you happen to be watching this video of me walking on a path by the water. It happens
in the moment that you are talking to someone or meeting up with someone or in the presence of
someone and you get to choose whether you're going to open up and be vulnerable or choose whether
you're going to stay in your comfort zone and hide and wait for them to make the first move or choose
what's going to happen next and how you get to show up in this moment and how you get to own
this moment and how you get to live with this moment. That's really what matters.
You know, I talk to a lot of people that are living in regret about the past
or even fear of the future anxiety about the future.
But if you really just focus in on the present moment, that's where things are gonna make the
most of a difference. And I know that people look at the past cuz they say, oh, how could that have
happened? Like I didn't see that one coming or I didn't know it was that bad. And if I just,
you know, really look at it and understand it and dig through all the weeds of it and look for all
the clues and, and, and, and learn exactly what I could have done differently, then I'll be prepared
to show up in the present moment as a better person. Or if I look at the future and imagine
every possible scenario and come up with a plan, a, a plan B, a plan C a plan D and
every contingency plan available and memorize all the witty comebacks and prepare myself,
for every possible thing that could happen, then I'll be prepared to just relax into the present
moment, knowing that I am completely prepared for what's gonna happen. But if you really, really
dig down to the bottom of all of these, what it really comes down to is basically a lack of
trust in yourself. A lack of trust that you're gonna be able to handle this present moment,
A lack of trust that you're gonna be able to speak up for yourself or know the right thing.
And so I don't want you to
Build up this habit, this pattern of looking into the past
or looking too far into the future. I want you to build up a habit of being present and
learning what things feel like in the present and learning what you want in the present.
Cuz I mean, what, what, what, what is it gonna matter if you prepare for all sorts of different,
um, worst case scenarios or you look back through every potential? What if or what,
what if, what if I just done this differently sort of scenario? What good is that gonna do
if you actually show up in the present moment and things are just totally different,
right? Like I could sit here and I could be like, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna meet this.
I'm gonna heal emotionally. And then I'm gonna meet up with this person. Then we're gonna have
this talk and then this is gonna happen and blah, blah, blah. But the thing is, is if
you're gonna heal emotionally, you're gonna be a totally different person with a totally different
way of being. And so why bother planning? All of these chess moves from a place, a state of mind
that you're at right now when you're not gonna be in that state of mind in the future.
It's, it's, it's honestly just like a big, expensive energy that you don't need to spend
right now. So what does make a lot more sense is learning how to be in the present moment,
learning how to trust yourself, learning how to trust yourself that you're gonna be able to handle
whatever happens and learning to speak up for yourself, learning to enforce boundaries, learning
to appreciate learning, to be curious, learning to, you know, be vulnerable in the present moment.
That's, what's going to help the most. I mean, like no matter where you're going,
like if you wanna, you know, work things out with your partner and save your relationship,
that's gonna help you there. If you wanna move forward and, and have a better connection with
someone else and start dating someone new and all that, that's gonna help you as well too. Cuz
one thing that is incredibly sexy is people who are willing to be in the present moment with you
willing to get down in there into whatever is unfolding and just be there with you,
By the way, if you like this video, make sure you hit that thumbs up button for the YouTube
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um, you know, help me out with my low self-esteem as well too, by dropping a
comment down below in the comment section, just letting me know that you like these videos,
um, this all does help us out with YouTube. And I don't know,
maybe it'll help me out with my self-esteem too. um, but seriously though, we, we wanna,
we wanna move past this whole thing about fault and blame and who, who, who should
we point the finger at? Instead? We just wanna say, okay, you know, regardless of all of that,
here we are here we are. We are knee deep in this thing called the present moment with whatever.
Um, whatever dynamic is unfolding right now between you and your partner.
And if it's working out great for you, okay,
if it's not working out, then what are you gonna do about it right now? What is there to do right
now? Not, you know, exploring into the past and, and, and, and unearthing all the, you know,
things that could have could've would've shoulda and all that, but, but what can you do right now?
And that's gonna be much more useful than blame whether you deserve the blame or not. Right?
Because one thing I can tell you is that you were just doing the best that you could with what you
had at the time. Like nobody intentionally goes out there and, you know, performs subpar
or acts against their own best interest. The only way that you could do that is if you were
unaware of it, if you were unconscious to it, you didn't mean to screw it up.
If you did, they didn't mean to screw it up either.
But if you just get two people that just, you know, don't know how to communicate very well, or
are afraid to be vulnerable or afraid to be honest or afraid to speak up for themselves or whatever
you sometimes end up in these situations. And so the way out of it isn't to
look for someone to blame or someone to point the finger at the way out of it is to just say,
okay, what is it? What is it I want now at this point, can I embrace that in this present moment?
And that's gonna be much more helpful for you in the long run. Anyway, hope this has been a
useful video for you. If you like this video, once again, hit that thumbs up button and, um, please
feel free to check out one of these videos over here, take care, and I'll talk to you next time.