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hey there everybody and welcome to this video on 13 ways we can do better I'm your host Dr
Donnelly Snipes now before we get started please click that subscribe and the Bell
right next to it to be notified every time we put out a new video
we often hear people say that we need to do better as a society but what does that actually mean?
Well, everybody has their own definition of what that means but I've put together 13 things I think we
actually could do better the mnemonic to remember these 13 things is changes frames we're reframing
things instead of going through the current framework that we're using we do need to change
the first one C stands for for compassion and empathy instead of being so judgy
all the time we really need to have more compassion and empathy for one another we
need to hear what other people are saying and understand that they are interpreting
the world from their perspective based on the experiences that they've had we don't have to
agree with them but having compassion for them validating how they're feeling in the moment
and having compassion and empathy with ourself is also important recognizing how we're feeling
instead of ignoring how we're feeling or being angry with how we're feeling and struggling with
that having compassion with ourselves and saying you know what I'm tired today and I'm tired
because it's been an exhausting week I am going to be compassionate with myself I'm not going to say
I shouldn't feel this way or I should still do this I'm going to be compassionate with myself
H stands for honesty and authenticity with assertive communication and I know that's a
big one authenticity is being your true self being honest with yourself and others about
your needs your wants your thoughts so honesty and authenticity are kind of the same thing
and doing it with assertive communication currently in our society I often see and
hear a lot of aggressive communication people that are condemning others for their thoughts
wants needs and beliefs people who are telling others how they should think what they should do
assertive communication says I hear what you think I hear what you're wanting to do and this is what
I think and this is what I want to do my thoughts wants and needs are not any more or less important
than your thoughts wants and needs how wonderful would that be if we could actually do that
um number three acceptance of change or openness being open to changes in the way we address things
being open to changes in each other being open to other ideas it doesn't mean we have to adopt them
but at least being willing to hear them being tolerant of other people's ideas and thoughts
can go a long way number four is simply being nice be nice to yourself but also be nice to
others random acts of kindness go a long way they increase your own oxytocin they increase oxytocin
and a sense of feel good in others but it's also just a nice thing to do think about if you do
something nice for somebody how does that impact their day and what do they do from there said
the other way if somebody does something nice for you do you take it and be like well fine and then
you're nasty to everybody else the rest of the day or if somebody does something nice for you
does it actually have a ripple effect and you do something nice for somebody else
and it could be something very simple like just smiling and acknowledging somebody how
far does that go if we're just nice instead of always looking like we're angry with the world
we actually say good morning or goodbye or how you doing and we actually mean it
G stands for gratitude as a society we are so focused on what everybody else has and what
we don't have and we've rarely take time to focus on what we do have what are we grateful
for right now what is it that we want in our rich and meaningful lives that we already have
yes there are things that could be better No Doubt but there are also things in your life
that are probably going at least okay right now e stands for encouragement and again
encouraging others but also yourself what is it that you can do to be your best cheerleader
what is it that you can do to encourage those around you if you build up those around you
they're going to build you up too if you tear down those around you they're going
to tear you down too so how can you encourage others to be the best version of themselves
self-care it's another one that seems so obvious but we ignore so much
self-care means noticing your thoughts wants and needs and attending to them
taking time off when you need to setting boundaries if something is stressing you
out figuring out how to address it or avoid it you know turn it off if it's on the on the
television for example you know what is it that you can do to nurture yourself to heal your HPA
axis your stress response system so your body can actually go back to Optimal functioning
do you need to unplug on the weekends do you need to spend more time outside what is it that
you would like to do in your rich and meaningful life that would make you feel
happy and help improve your health and you know your well-being that you're not doing
right now and I think most of us have a pretty long list of things that we'd like to do that
we always say we'll get around to but we get so caught up in the distractions of the day
self-care is important if you're worn down you ain't going to be good to anybody else
F stands for forgiveness of yourself and others this is another thing that
we don't do very well we
berate ourselves when we make mistakes we hold on to guilt we hold on to self anger we also
hold on to resentment a lot anger is a response to a threat anger is a very natural emotion when
we have it it's our body saying hey there may be a threat here or there may be a problem here
okay that's your body saying there may be a problem get up and do something about it
when we hold on to anger when we hold on to resentment when we stew in it when we nurture
it it drains our energy think about marinating meat if you take meat and you marinate it in hot
sauce for four days guess what it's going to take on the flavor of that hot sauce
if you marinate meat in a sweet sauce or Ginger or something it's going to take on the flavor of that
so if you are marinating your soul your spirit your thoughts in anger and resentment and
negativity guess what what is that going to do to the your flavor what you bring to the
world what people taste when they experience you probably not what you want forgiveness
can help you present yourself and in a way that you want other people to experience you and in
a way you want to experience yourself do you want to look in the mirror and always be angry
with yourself or feeling guilty about something forgiving yourself goes a long way forgiveness
means saying I am no longer going to hold a grudge or give energy to whatever it is that happened
whatever I did wrong or didn't do or this other person did wrong or didn't do it's happened it's
over it's unfortunate I don't like it I'm gonna learn from it so it doesn't happen again I'm going
to use my energy to learn but I'm not going to continue to tie up my energy being angry about it
responsibility ability oh my gosh no excuses and stopping the blame game one of my first mentors
had a saying that when you point at somebody else you've got three fingers pointing back at
you what part did you have in it yes the other person or persons probably had a part in it too
but what part did you have in it what part could you control and what part was out of your control
stop making excuses for behaviors for things that you do acknowledge them learn from them address
them if they're good behaviors then nurture them take responsibility for the good stuff too
but stop blaming others and saying you made me do this they may have done
something that triggered anger or anxiety but you chose your behaviors just saying
apologize when you've done wrong apologize and that kind of goes along with taking responsibility
you take responsibility for something and then you say if you did something wrong say I'm sorry
and sometimes that means apologizing to yourself saying you know self I am sorry
I've been so horrible to you lately apologize and mean it that means saying I recognize I did wrong
I apologize for it please forgive me and I will do better I will quit creating a threat
imagine how that goes oftentimes we see people who apologize or we think people who are who apologize
might be weak but think about how much courage it takes to apologize to admit when you're wrong
what kind of a model does that set for others if you're showing that you have the courage to
say yeah I screwed up and this is how I'm going to make it better m stands for mindfulness we live in
a society of autopilot turn off that autopilot live mindfully that means living in the moment
noticing what's happening non-judgmentally right now what are my thoughts wants feelings needs
what's going on around me noticing and living in the moment otherwise you missed the moment
if you're living in the future or in the past you miss what's going on right now so being mindful
e stands for educate yourself and this kind of goes along with acceptance and openness to
change but educate yourself about what's going on life is changing the world is changing it's
always changing so educate yourself about possibilities what else could be going on
you see a story or you hear about something okay great educate yourself are you getting the whole
story or are there other potential things to consider listen to other people educate
yourself about the other perspectives in order to get a fuller understanding of what's going on
how would it feel how might things change if we did a better job of educating ourself
about other people's perspectives so we could have more empathy so we could have more compassion
and finally synergize this doesn't have to be a world of competition we all have different
skills tools and abilities instead of being angry because you don't have this skill be grateful for
the skills that you do have and then work with people who have skills that complement yours
just because you're not good at something doesn't mean that you and this other person
that you need need to be jealous of this other person it means that you probably have skills
they don't so use instead of trying to learn their stuff use your strengths to work together
and create something that's you know even more beneficial it's a whole lot more time efficient
if everybody focuses on what they do best and we work together we synergize to create the whole
there is a lot in this and I encourage you to think about taking one of these things
each week or I mean I know there's 13. but one of these things each month even and over 2023
focus on improving these things in your life so in January for example
try to be more compassionate and empathetic with yourself as well as with the people in your life
see how that changes things see what it does for you and then in February work on honesty
and on authenticity and assertive communication by the end of 2023 look back and think based on the
changes that I've made am I doing better am I a better version of myself now than I was 12 months
ago and how has it impacted my immediate Universe the people and and things that are right around
me because of my changes has it had a ripple effect my guess is the answer is going to be yes
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by turning off autopilot we can become more self-aware and more effective at interpreting
and responding to situations in the present context building each other up instead of
tearing each other down we can improve people's sense of safety and empowerment so as I said pick
one of the 13 strategies to practice each week or each month until they become habits and then
reflect on how those changes impacted your life and whether they helped you do better