(emilia fart) but being here in itself knowing that I'm here because I'm gonna try to do
something for myself this is a kind thing to do for me and in turn it's a
kind thing to do for the people around me because they won't have to deal with
this
Amelia fart is a great example of why you and a lot of other people need to
give therapy a chance what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is
pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to
improve your mental and emotional well-being so if the end of that make
sure you subscribe and bring that notification bell so yeah for those of
you who are new to my channel go follow me on Instagram go do it does it cost
you a penny let's go follow me trying to get to 10,000 followers but social media
is a great way to get in touch with me I'm on Twitter too at the rewired soul
as well and a ton a ton of people asked me to do a video about the most recent
Emilia Fart video about her going therapy alright so in this video what
I'm gonna be doing is I'm gonna be breaking down her recent video about
going back to therapy and trying to pull different things and unpack them a
little bit and explain you know the good the bad all that kind of stuff and if
you're somebody who's considering therapy there's a lot that we can learn
from this yeah when I start going to therapy it started as something where I
wanted to make my relationship better with someone that I love and probably
try to process my grief of my dad died and and it turned into something else it
turned into running from pain that I'd probably been trying to you know
suppress my whole life I don't know that's an interesting clip right there
and this is something I was thinking about diving more into in an email if
you're not signed up for my email list do it because I send out emails just
like when I get ideas about mental health motivation if I don't feel like
making a video I just write up an email and just send it out and all that but
anyways Amelia was talking about how when she first got into therapy
it was for a relationship and she want to be better for her relationship
and there's there's pros and cons to this all right so a lot of people do
this they they try to get help for somebody else is something I would see a
lot in addiction treatment and that's that's not always a bad thing but it can
be a bad thing all right your mental health recovery should never be
dependent on somebody or something else right for example some people only go
get help so they can keep their job some people only get help so they can keep
their relationship right but what happens when that relationship goes away
what happens if you lose your job whatever that doesn't mean that your
mental health isn't still a priority right but what Amelia talks about is is
that the therapeutic process when she first went to therapy it was really
eye-opening and she realized like wow I need therapy more than just for my
relationship or for somebody else all right so like I don't I don't like
saying that you have to get better for you because when I first started working
on my mental health when I got clean over six and a half years ago I was
doing it for other people but I ended up doing it for myself right and that is a
topic that I can talk about for a while and if you want me to discuss that in a
video I'm still gonna send an email out about it at some point if you want me to
talk about that in a video about how you got to get better for yourself like let
me know down in the comments below because that's something I can talk
about for a while I don't know why but I was scared to say that I wanted anything
or that I thought I was capable of doing anything trying but if I did it would be
pathetic so I didn't want people around me to know that I wanted things so she
was the first person that I told and through that she helped me try and I
started making videos she was the one who said start making one a week then
she was the one who said start making two a week she was one of the main
reasons why my life has turned into something so beautiful to me that I'll
never be able to express how moved I am and how changed I am by what's happened
I absolutely love that clip I absolutely loved that so one of the reasons one of
the reasons that so many people need therapy is what Emilia Fart was just talking
about like a therapist a therapist can be your biggest cheerleader and that's
I try to do for people I am NOT a licensed therapist by the way I am just
somebody who tries to help people with their mental health I've worked in
mental health treatment and all that but so many of you are surrounded by for the
lack of better words like jerks right like you might come from an unsupportive
family you might have unsupportive friends you might have people who are
holding you back right and a lot of the negative thoughts that we have we got to
realize that a lot of those thoughts aren't even our own we are hard on
ourselves because of what our mom used to say to us so when I dad you save it
to us or what an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend used to say to us or all that
right there so a therapist can help give you a nudge in the right direction and
say no I think you could do this thing I think you could do it right so when
Emilia Fart was afraid of making a YouTube channel her therapist was right there
and say gone girl go do your thing get up on YouTube and look how it's working
out for all right so anyways a siphon therapy because a lot of you say look
but I can't afford therapy then join a Facebook group or join our discord
server they're always link down in the description because we are there to
support one another and pursue things that make us happy all right so once I
was able to turn you two into my job I kind of stopped going to her like oh I
have my footing I have my life you know we built this up I stopped going and
Here I am again told me Leah's talking about how she stopped going with Ruby
when things got better super common super common and again kind of like the
first topic I talked to strong this has its pros and cons one of the biggest
mistakes that I see a lot of people make is that they stop helping themselves
when things get good this is one of the worst things that you can do okay
because when it comes to our mental health like the analogy I always make is
this like you don't practice a fire drill when there's a fire alright you
practice a fire drill in case a fire happens this is why all of us need to be
proactive about our mental health we need to take care of our mental health
on a daily basis you know why I think there's at any moment without warning
life can come up and slap you right in the face all right life doesn't say you
know what hey Chris next week I'm gonna make some stuff go
down no that's not how it works that is not how it works you never know when
you're gonna lose a job you never know when you're gonna get that unexpected
bill in the mail you never know when like a family members gonna pass away or
a loved one you never know when that person's gonna break up with you
sometimes whatever it is this is why we need to take care of our mental health
on a daily basis not just when we're feeling bad all right another common
mistake I see people make is that they stop taking their mental health
medications when they feel good okay like let me let me make this perfectly
clear I'm gonna tell you a little secret just a little bit of a secret come here
come here real quick all right the reason you feel good is because your
medications are freakin working all right but anyways I will talk about the
other side of it to some people like you go through therapy and like cycles or
whatever like maybe you only need a month or two of therapy maybe you only
need six months of therapy maybe you only need a year of therapy right like a
lot of therapists what they what they should do a responsible good therapist
is going to have some kind of exit plan for you all right it's actually
something that I thought was really good that Katie Moore and talked about in her
book but when you first meet with a therapist and you're going through the
consultation right or even in one of the first sessions you're gonna talk about
goals that you have like what do you want to do what do you want to chief why
are you sitting in this office right now right and when you get to that point you
know a therapist isn't gonna just sit there and just milk you for money or
more sessions if you've gotten to a healthy place so sometimes you won't
need therapy anymore but it's kind of like training wheels okay so therapy is
your training wheels like eventually you get to a point where you're just going
you're just doing things out of habit now you're meditating regularly you're
taking your medications your journaling your doing whatever it takes to keep
your mental health on point but the therapist was just there as kind of like
a coach and somebody who was guiding you along that journey all right but the
biggest tip I can give you for this is two tips actually self awareness and
honesty all right like a lot of people just like oh I'm doing fine I don't need
therapy anymore but you're really still screwed up okay so this is why it's good
to have a therapist to tell you if they think that you're ready so my suggestion
is if you're somebody therapy right now don't think you need
anymore ask your therapist and if you trust your therapist if they're honest
therapist they'll be like yeah you don't need to be in here anymore
for example what like working in addiction treatment like some people
would want to stay in addiction treatment forever and not go face their
problems I'm like listen man or listen or lady or whoever it is like listen
it's time for you to go you've learned everything that you can it's time for
you to go put these skills to use out in the real world all right and when I
leave being around the people that I love I feel like I was just insufferable
the entire time I was around them I feel like I'm so self-absorbed
and it's disgusting I just feel like gross monster this is something that so
many people struggle with I remember I did my meditation the other day the
YouTuber expired one by the way I'm so so so glad I had such a positive
response I have a really cool meditation coming up for you this weekend but
anyways negative self-talk this is huge I'm gonna give you two quick tips for
this two tips okay one of the best suggestions that anybody can give you
this is a suggestion that was given to me when you find yourself a negative
self-talk saying that you're not good enough you're not this your garbage your
piece of baba right ask yourself what would you tell a friend what would you
tell a fun if your best friend in the world
came to its head I'm terrible I'm awful down it out like what would you tell
that person okay something that you need to practice is talking to yourself like
you would a friend okay that intro clip that I showed you like therapy and
working on yourself it's not just for you okay it's the most selfish and
selfless action that you can take working on yourself
makes everybody else's life around you better alright because I don't struggle
with the anger issues that I use to the life of my son is better the life of my
beautiful girlfriend Tristen is better you see what I mean
so learn how to talk to yourself with some kindness and compassion like
forgive yourself in the same way that you would forgive a friend something
that you can think about it is is like forgiving your pet I know I have a lot
of animal lovers out there right like would you like be mad at your Peck
forever for something know you would forgive your pet okay so learn how to
forgive yourself second thing that I'm talking gonna talk
about it's not so much a tip but something I've been teaching guys a lot
about lately is something called selective attention okay I talked about
in my jennamarbles video I talked about in one of the Gabi videos we train our
brains to focus on whatever we tell it to focus on right so if all you're doing
is focusing on your negative qualities you are training your brain to focus on
nothing but your negative qualities so one recommendation I would have is
positive affirmations okay so some of you have asked me to go into the science
of it this is just a little bit of it but based on what we know about the
psychology of selective attention if you do daily positive affirmations I thought
they were corny and stupid at first but if you're training yourself to say nice
things to yourself then you're gonna start focusing on that then all of your
negative qualities alright give it a try I've just been closed and terrified
terrified terrified of really being vulnerable with someone else in a
romantic way I don't know why it's been my entire life it's not like there was a
point where I was open and trusting and then and something happened and stopped
no my entire life I can trust friends I can trust family but something about
being romantically connected somewhat of roadable know just know how many of you
can relate to that so this this is another thing where it's
not necessarily bad because something that I try to preach to you guys all the
time and this is like this is I'm proud of
Amelia I'm proud of a million art for this because she has a self-awareness
like she knows she is in a bad place to date somebody else one of the most
selfish things that you can do is know that you are messed up and date somebody
else and bring them into that mess now a lot of a lot of people not a lot of
people some people twist this and say like oh I'm broken so I can never date
again or broken people need love too that's not what I'm saying
we're all broken every single one of us is broken the person that you work with
that seems like the happiest person on earth they're broken I promise you the
difference is are you working on yourself or are you not working on
yourself so I'm glad that Amelia Ford doesn't want to bring somebody into that
chaos until she gets to a good place that is awesome
very very awesome but one of the points of therapy is is to get to that good
place okay and something else that you should ask your therapist is do you
think I'm ready to date yet alright do you think this is a good idea for me
today yeah but the other thing that we're gonna talk about with some of you
have seen me talk about in recent videos is avoidance alright so Amelia for its
fear of getting in a relationship fear of being hurt and all of that that is
making her lonely possibly making her depressed as well so this is something
that I would have to do an entire new video on but you need to take baby steps
okay I talked about this in my video the other day about avoidance but you need
to try things you need to practice things you need to train your brain
because what's happening is that you are making things worse for yourself I go
out start casually dating you know whatever it is like hop on the tinder
app I don't really care go on OkCupid whatever you crazy kids are into these
days I go on those things talk to people even if you're not going on a date just
train yourself to talk to people okay like I have never ever ever ever met
somebody who just like had to go to the emergency room because someone didn't
reply to their message on tinder unless something really crazy and odd happened
all right like you guys heartbreak is a part of
life the best thing that we can do is build a resilience towards this thing
that's something that you could do is start building practice and quit being
so afraid that you're gonna get hurt because I hate to break it to you but
life is going to happen people are going to hurt you okay it's not about avoiding
it it's about learning how to deal with it but being here in itself knowing that
I'm here because I'm gonna try to do something for myself this is a kind
thing to do for me and in turn it's a kind thing to do for the people around
me because they won't have to deal with this hell yeah girl that's my girl
Amelia fart right there this is a great way to close out this video right there
try-try okay the whole point of my channel is to get into the solution just
try that's it just try just give it a try alright there's something that we
talked about which is contempt prior to investigation okay
and a lot of us have get into this thing because it's part of terminal uniqueness
we think they were so different we're so special we're this precious little
unicorn nobody will ever get it nobody will ever understand but you've never
tried it right what where is the logic in saying this isn't gonna work for me
but you've never even given in to try you know what I mean it's like a child
who is like no I don't like this vegetable have you ever tried it no so a
lot of us are just some big-ass grown-ass babies all you can do is try
okay like trust me there are people who are worse than you who have been able to
get better that is a bold statement but I'm letting you know right now there are
people worse than you who have gotten better all right I was thinking about
making a video on this just pulling comments from my comment section and
just letting you know if you came to my channel to leave a comment about how
hopeless you are let me let me tell you this you are not alright I know that you
think that your situation is different than everybody else's but it's not this
is another reason to join the Facebook group or the discord server okay and get
a little glimpse of hope and give something a try if you can't try therapy
give journaling a try if journal is not working give meditation to try if
meditations not working give exercise a try if exercise isn't working give just
going out to a coffee shop and reading a book a try do different things try
everything your mental health is so so so damn important there are a million
different options that's why I'm here at this channel to give you options what I
always say is I don't care what you do just do something all right
but anyways again give therapy a try if you can what I try to say is I don't
care how you get therapy just give it a try best things you could do
talk to your doctor see if they can recommend anybody talk to your insurance
provider see if they can recommend anybody in your network you can go to
Psychology Today look up therapists in your area who specialize in different
things the other thing is my channel is supported by better health online
therapy so if you want to give that a try
Tristan uses it I have a bunch of friends who use it link is always down
in the description sometimes in the pin comment give that a try just try
something alright anyways that's all I got for this video if you liked this
video please give thumbs up if you knew make sure you
subscribe and bring that notification bell alright and a huge huge thank you
to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing if you
would like to get access to exclusive stuff like extra videos Q&A type stuff
all that click the top on that patreon icon right there alright thanks so much
for watching I'll see you next time