- Like those are dope.
- These are doing good.
- The new ones are weird.
- Yeah, these are MA-100's though, they're the knock offs.
- MA-100's (laughter).
- You can get these at Walmart.
- You get those at the South Side of Chicago and Walmart.
- Walmart, Ventures...
- Pay the man his money Comedy Central, Jesus Christ!
- ♪ I was born on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪
♪ Everybody sticks together like we in the ♪
♪ Ain't no side like the South Side ♪
- Welcome back to Cooler by the Lake.
(group cheers)
- Where we talk all things South Side
and ask the important questions like
when Mayor Lore Lightfoot gets on
will she leave your ass for a white girl
she already did.
(group cheer)
I'm your host Will Miles
- And I'm your host Langston Kerman
- And today we're joined by stars of southside
you've seen em on the billboard
Sutan and Kareme
welcome to the show
Sutan Salahuddin and Kareme-- yes
thank you for coming.
- As you see we're joined at the hip.
- I can see that you're very close.
- Very close
- It's uncomfortably close
- Very first friends and costars
(laughter)
okay I'll scoot over
- There's no where else for me to go.
- I'll move over.
- All right so, in the finale
we just saw the finale of southside
and in the finale
we saw to when everyone hits it big.
- Yeah.
- Dude, you almost have almost 7,000 dollars man.
(group cheering)
- I'm gunna take a weekend trip to Milwaukee!
Wisconsin here I come!
- So the big question we want to ask today is
what would you all do if you hit the jackpot
if you got paid, what're you doing with your money?
- Oh, I'd buy a bunch of kittens.
- Okay.
- A bunch of shit
probably a boat load of kittens
- Sure.
- And then I would take them to a different country
and just set them free.
Just kind of mess up their college.
- Okay.
(laughter)
- We got to win somehow you know.
(laughter)
Kids for everyone.
- Yeah.
I just like that mayhem
(laughter)
- Oh my God, Yeah
I'm gunna buy a non fat dairy ice cream.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- That's a sensible purchase.
- Ice cream that's not fattening.
Yes, that's what I'd do.
- Can it be real? You know?
- Yeah.
- Just add more detergent.
(laughter)
- It's like take out the fat.
(laughter)
- A little bit of tide!
(laughter)
- If you hit the jackpot what would you do?
- I want to live like Clay Thompson
I just want to live the way that he lives
whatever that means.
- Yep.
- I want a dog
I want to not learn how to talk anymore
- Yeah.
- Just be a weird uncomfortable dude
who gets to shoot jump shots all day
that would be beautiful.
- You could play Clay Thompson.
- You could I could see you playing Clay Thomson.
- Wow, that's gunna be the Lifetime movie.
- Yeah, aw man.
I'll write it.
(laughter)
- Lifetime movie of Clay Thompson.
(laughter)
lightskin wonder.
(laughter)
- All I like to do is dribble
that's all I like to do.
(laughter)
- JK Rowling would be my choice, you know
(laughter)
if I could have that life and that idea of Harry Potter
she must've been high and she said she was I think
she was on ecstasy.
- Been in her car.
- Yeah doing ecstasy and then came up with Harry Potter.
(laughter)
- Doing ecstasy!
Why was she in her car doing ecstasy?
(laughter)
- I'd like to be known when I feel like touching myself.
- What if a little boy had powers.
(laughter)
- And there was a lightning bolt on his forehead!
- Ugh, ugh!
- Oh imagine a bitch named Hermione! Ohhh!
- Yeah yeah. That's the life.
(laughter)
- Question.
- Yeah.
- Would you use your money
to put a stop to any major issues in the world?
Many of the world's problems?
- Yes. Homelessness and hunger. Yeah.
Yeah. A lot of people are hungry
a lot of people are homeless.
- Are you just feeding them? or are you just uh--
What're you gunna do with the money?
- Well actually I would like to um
you know go around and set of tables and barbecue
um, stations. Yeah, and uh--
- Barbecue!
- Barbecue.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Healthy food like barbecue.
- Bread brings people together better.
- What you all need is ribs.
(laughter)
- Exactly.
- Ribs, dogs, burgers, you know.
- Yeah, white bread.
- I would put a stop to people
who are sitting at the light too long
while they're on their phone.
- Aww.
- Sure.
- I would have an execution squad just come straight out
Oh you're on your phone? Whoop!
And we're rid of them.
That's what I would do.
- That's what I put my money to.
- Does it frustrate you like it frustrates me everyday?
- And that's population control.
- Well, that's a whole nother--
- We need that.
- We do.
- I think that's a solid idea
if I can endure some murder
I just want to say I love--
- Heard it here first folks!
- Yeah.
- But it has to be with a cell phone
otherwise it's just regular murder.
- You got to have cell phone murder.
- Yeah.
This episode also involves lid coin
which is quite similar
but contractually not related to bit coin
- Mhm.
- In any way shape or form.
- Yeah.
(laughter)
So uh, yeah what're you guys thoughts on bit coin?
Is it the future?
- I think it is to a certain degree.
- Yeah.
- This is why I think it is to a certain degree
as long as the power is on bit coin, lid coin will survive.
Soon as somebody pulls the plug
- Sure.
- Once we're off the grid--
- Yeah.
- I mean once the power goes out
every man for himself.
- First time I heard about it was on southside so
I don't know--
- You had never heard of bitcoin before?
- - Yeah, I didn't I didn't , yeah.
- Oh that's awesome.
- Yeah.
I heard of uh, foodstamps, link cards, uh--
- Very similar to currency exchange
- Yeah.
- It's not un-- it's kind of the same.
- You're familiar.
- Yeah.
- It's money that's just out there.
- Yeah, just out there.
- All right, how much is lyft?
- And you can trade it, but you ain't sposed to.
- Right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah people trade it all the time.
- If there's one thing you would do
what would you try to invent with your riches?
- Well it's 2019 and um
you know we like to watch our kids play sports
and do things like that.
I would invent a more comfortable bleacher seat.
- Good call.
- Yeah, I'm tired of my ass
always feeling like I'm uh sitting on bricks.
Uh, and airplane seats as well
because they suck, you know.
For the price I'm paying my ass should be warmed
and should be massaged while I'm--
- Oh you want a hot ass?
(laughter)
- And a massage, yes.
- And massage?
- The chair should massage your ass and warm it
while you fly.
- Massaged and tenderized.
- All right, interesting.
- I need one of those Iron Man suits.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- So If I can get like some alien shit
and put it right here.
I just I'm tired of walking.
(laughter)
- That shits exhausting, you got to do it your whole life.
- C'mon.
- God damn.
- Just here walking like a broke bitch.
- One foot in front of the other
back and forth several times.
- Right? What is this.
- We did it, that's the end.
That's the final episode of Cooler by the Lake.
- Final episode.
Give it up,this has been great.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
(clapping)
- One more time for the gentlemen
Sultan and Kareme for coming through
they killed it.
And uh, we don't know if we'll be back.
- I do. We'll be back season two
whenever that happens.
(laughter)
- What he's saying!
- Goodnight everybody thanks for watching
Cooler by the Lake.
- You guys are sweet baby angels and we love you.
- We love you.
- Goodnight.
♪ I was born on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪
♪ erybody sticks together like we in the land ♪
♪ Cause it ain't no side like the South Side. ♪