Hey guys!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
Today I just wanted to sit down and chat with you guys, get real.
Let's talk about success.
First off: Thank you so much for 800,000 subscribers.
That is amazing, and honestly, I'm able to live my dream
because of you guys who watch.
Thank you, thank you so much.
And at this point, I just want to share how it feels to live the life that I'm living,
because I honestly do feel like I'm living my dream life.
I'm on the right path,
and I've gotten to a point where I've achieved
most of the things that I've wanted to do in this life,
and I think maybe because I've set my goals too low or something,
I feel like I can chill…
I don't know, it's a weird part of being grateful
for everything that you have accomplished and not needing more.
You know what I mean?
Not needing to do more.
But the downside of not needing more is, I feel a little lazy.
I feel like I could just stop everything
and I'll be happy with my life where I am right now.
It's a little strange, but let's start with this:
Success should be defined on your terms.
You get to decide what success means to you because it is your life.
You get to live it, you get to enjoy it.
Nobody should be able to tell you or force you
to do something that you don't want to do.
I think, growing up, a lot of us tend to take the definition of success
from our parents or our teachers or our peers.
We think that we want certain things, when in reality, it's not what we want.
It's what other people want for us.
A big part of life is figuring out what success means to you.
Personally, success to me is:
Creating a life that is fulfilling and abundant,
a life where I can do something creatively fulfilling,
a life where I am genuinely helping people
and putting positive, good vibes out into the world,
helping others in some way,
but also reaping financial benefits, having financial freedom,
being about to do whatever I want, travel wherever I want,
and wake up whenever I want, because I love sleep.
I need that freedom to sleep and wake up whenever I want.
Back then, I used to look at YouTube channels
with hundreds of thousands of subscribers, millions of subscribers,
and be like, "Oh my gosh, that is the dream,"
and I just wasn't ever sure that I could ever get there,
but that was my goal, to be the YouTuber with a business and everything.
And I'm really lucky that my path has led me to where I am now
because I do feel like I have those things that I wanted back then.
And I think what I want to say is:
The more you grow and the more success you achieve,
at a certain point, the numbers stop mattering.
I think your first hundred, your first thousand subscribers,
or your first paycheck or whatever, those things are really meaningful to you.
And you're like, "Oh my god, I can pay for myself.
I'm making money. I'm growing."
All that stuff's amazing.
And I realize that back then, I was in survival mode,
wondering "Can I actually make it? Can I do this?
Will this be sustainable? Can I succeed as a business?"
After you get to that point, whatever number it may be for you –
I know it's different for everybody –
you realize that anything additional, anything more than that is just a perk.
And it's less of an "Oh my god," and more of like, "Okay, cool."
And I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything,
but the numbers really don't matter.
When I hit 500,000, 600,000, 700,000, 800,000, it all felt the same.
And it's not the number that matters, it's really how grateful,
how happy are you living the life that you're living right now.
There was something that Drake said at the Grammys recently.
It was a bit deal because the award show cut him off.
"Look, the point is: You've already won if have people
who are singing your songs word-for-word,
if you're a hero in your hometown.
Look, if there's people who have regular jobs,
who are coming out in the rain, in the snow,
spending their hard-earned money to buy tickets to come to your shows,
you don't need this right here, I promise you.
You already won."
Basically, he was saying that those awards don't matter
as much as you think they matter.
It's cool for a few minutes or a day or something.
But after you get that award, you're like, "…Okay."
It was just temporary, and what really matters are
whether you're doing something valuable and meaningful in the world.
If you're a performer, you have people coming to your shows,
people watching you, people listening to what you have to say,
that is more meaningful.
And as long as you're able to make a living off of something that you love to do
and you're having fun, you're living a good life, then you're set.
There really isn't a necessity
and you shouldn't focus on those awards
or attaining a certain number or anything like that.
You realize when you get there, that you feel the same
and it doesn't change who you are,
and what matters more is just the daily work that you put in,
how you feel on the daily.
What matters is really the stuff that people can't measure from the outside.
Yes, it is nice to get external validation.
It is nice to get people to recognize your achievements.
And it is nice to be able to show off a little bit to your peers or whatever.
But really, that is all just boosting your ego,
and it really doesn't matter in the end.
What really matters is your internal validation,
whether you love yourself, whether you think that you're great,
and whether you genuinely love your life.
To be honest, I've kind of had this internal conflict in myself for a while
because I feel like I love where I am
and I feel like I've achieved everything that I want.
Currently in my life, I am happy with the amount of money that I make.
I'm happy with the work that I'm doing,
and there really doesn't need to be more.
I don't feel like I need more recognition or more outward success.
I don't feel like I need it, and some days,
I just feel like it makes me happier to live my regular life
without posting and creating so much on social media
because social media can sometimes make you go crazy, as you all know –
not crazy, but it's just a cycle that never ends.
And when I've tried those social media detoxes, it's so nice.
I don't know if you guys notice, but I post less on Instagram.
And the conflict is: It makes me happy to not post,
and it makes me happy to have more free time
and not have to force myself to make videos or post things on Instagram.
It makes me happy to not post,
and yet my job is to post stuff consistently
because if you're on social media, you need to be consistent.
People need to see you.
You need to share your message and your voice constantly.
And so that's my internal battle
because if I were to keep building, growing the business –
it is 'smart' to keep posting consistently and doing all of that,
but I'm asking myself: What am I doing it for?
Do I really need more followers on Instagram?
I don't think it really matters as much.
I might sound like I'm setting my goals too low,
but I think a lot of the life that I want to live is about finding the balance.
It's not about really striving to be the best,
because if you're purely striving for that outward, external success,
there's no meaning in that.
And I think I'm always in tune with my intuition
and I want to listen to my intuition and go towards what brings me joy,
go towards what's more meaningful to me in life.
And sometimes that might mean, "Okay, I won't grow my business as fast."
Or maybe I'll disappear for a little bit because it makes me happy.
Or maybe sometimes I'll get really inspired and I'll create a bunch at a time.
It is just very inconsistent.
Basically what I'm trying to say is:
My heart is in conflict with my business-practical brain,
and that's where it's at right now.
But just letting you guys know that I'm happy with where I am.
I feel like I've reached my definition of success, and the rest, it will come.
I know that more good things will come in time, and I don't have to rush.
I don't have to hustle myself to death to get there,
because I'm already there and the rest is chill.
And this might change because –
say I stop posting and everything starts going downwards
and then I'll start getting panicky like,
"Oh my god, I need to do something with my life again."
But that time will come when it comes.
Not saying that I'm going to stop posting.
I still like making videos and I still love creating and everything.
It's just, there was this internal pressure of making myself –
"You gotta post on this daily calendar on social media."
And when you get started, you do have to do that, let me tell you.
When you get started, you have to be consistent and doing it all.
And my question is, I don't know if I want to do that forever, though.
I feel like I've built it up to here,
and now I'm trying to still have the business run
without me putting as much effort into it.
I'm trying to create more passive income,
put my time towards focusing on the things that make me happy,
the things that I like to do, create for fun,
and figure out how to keep it running without stressing myself out.
That is my goal.
Because I think the ultimate goal of having your own business is:
You get to decide how to run your business on your terms.
And I'm not trying to be the #1 company or brand in the world.
I'm just trying to live a life that makes me happy,
and that's what success means to me.
I know that people might have different views on this,
and even sometimes I go back and forth between
wanting to be a super achiever, super ambitious person,
vs. a person that's like,
"I could just become quiet and just live a happy life
without telling anybody about what I'm doing, and I'll be happy."
But there's a balance there.
I think that's also why, this year, I've made it a point to travel more,
because I just want to experience life at its fullest, rather than working so much.
I guess I want to live out those other areas of my life,
focus on my health, focus on my relationships,
focus on feeling inspired in life.
And my ideal life is – I just want to keep learning.
I love the idea of not having to work and just reading books all day,
doing yoga all day, taking photos, making videos all day.
And I know – photos and videos is my work, but I genuinely have fun doing it.
This is why I would not last in a regular corporate job.
I just get lazy quick – not lazy – unmotivated, quick.
If there's something that I genuinely love to do, I get excited about it.
I work so many hours non-stop on something that I genuinely love,
but I genuinely have to love it.
I'm not the type of person to sacrifice myself
and do a good job at something I hate doing.
So here's me continuing to follow my heart
and continuing to follow the things that bring me joy, make me happy.
I guess it's pretty simple, but I was just afraid to say it out loud
because people would say,
"You're ungrateful.
You have this YouTube channel that's doing so well
and yet you're lazy about it."
It's my life.
It's my channel.
And I get to define success on my terms.
I've said this quote in an older video, but I'll say it again.
Success at the speed of balance.
I do care about achieving and being successful,
but I want to do it at a pace that is not stressful at all.
I want to do it at a pace that brings me joy.
I want to be able to do all the other things in life that I want to do.
I want to be able to take a break if I want to and not feel guilty about it.
I want to be able to move at the pace that makes me happy.
That is something that I am still figuring out, still working on.
And I think the big part is learning not to feel guilty
or learning not to feel less than other people,
because if you look on social media or the world as a whole,
you will see people who are sprinting, people going super fast,
achieving so much, doing amazing things, and I don't know.
Yes, they may be doing that,
but maybe their love life or their family life
or their health is suffering because of that.
You never know the full story and you never know the full picture.
So I think, as I continue on, I'm trying to be as balanced and holistic as possible,
and always put my self care and my happiness first.
Lastly: Does success change you?
Does it change who you are?
I just want to touch on that.
Success makes you a more confident person, yes.
At the heart of it, at the core of it,
you're still the same person that you used to be,
but maybe your successful version of yourself has overcome more obstacles.
So you are a better version of yourself after going through a lot of hustle,
a lot of hard work and hardships, and you're more confident because of it.
It does feel good to be where I am now, because back then, I was like a mush.
And now I've become a little stronger of a mush, but I'm still soft.
I'm still the same person as I was before.
But I don't let myself get stepped on by other people.
The difference is: You are so much stronger in your self love and your self worth,
that it's easier to say no to people.
It's easier to not feel bad, not be a people pleaser
and not let others step on you or overshadow you.
And another random things is that people are a lot nicer to you
if they see you as successful.
This includes family members who used to criticize you and hate on you.
Same thing with peers who see what you're doing.
And people in general are nicer to you, maybe.
I know it's not fair.
You should be nice to everyone equally,
but people are nicer if they see you as a successful person.
On the other hand, even though I may seem
outwardly successful to other people,
and I am happy with where I am in life, there are still challenges.
Life is still tough.
There are still things that I have not yet overcome:
some fears, my sleeping schedule.
I still woke up at like 2:00 PM today – and hence, the sun is setting.
I couldn't get ready in time to film before the sun sets.
But I still have my struggles, my personal struggles.
And I'm still a regular person.
I know it's obvious, but I see so many people judging celebrities
or successful influencers or whatever,
thinking that everything is perfect for them
and they have no right or reason to complain or be sad about their lives.
But there are still struggles.
I think my high school self would be really proud
and really [snaps] at the fact that I could wake up at 2:00 PM
and still make money while I'm sleeping a lot.
I still am proud of who I am regardless of my weaknesses
and those flaws that I have.
And it's just … life goes on.
There's still more to conquer, there's still more to learn,
still more challenges to go through.
I think I will leave it at that.
I hope that you got something from this video.
I know it's quite messy.
But I just want to encourage you to define success on your terms.
And whatever it is, make sure you're listening to your intuition
and you're following your heart.
I know that we have the practical side and the heart side,
and you do have to find a balance between the two.
And I'm positive, I'm confident that you will be able to make it work.
Don't forget that this is your life and your life only.
You get to decide what you want to do,
so it's best if you do something that brings you joy.
Do something that you love.
Create a life that you're proud of.
Create a life where you will have no regrets looking back.
Because I can say that about my life,
that I'm proud of what I've done, everything I've created,
I feel like the flaws are easier to deal with,
and I'm not as hard on myself for them,
because the important things are good.
My foundation is good, and nothing's going to be perfect.
So you just deal with it, be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself.
And always remember to love yourself first, give love to others.
On that note, I am signing off.
I love you guys so much and I'll see you guys in the next one.
Bye!