Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'What's gotten into him now?'
We’re looking at The Return of the Exorcist,
also known as Exorcist 3,
and, more accurately Naked Exorcism.
'Glory to thy name oh Satan, Prince of Darkness.'
Aside from shameless plagiarism, two problems are evident right from the start.
‘You whore! Filthy slut!’
Firstly, no build up, we’re straight into young Peter possessed and ranting.
‘I was obliged to tie him to the bed’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Secondly, this is an oddly petulant devil.
‘I hate you! I hate you!’
You’re not my real Mom!
Peter’s sister, Elena is a nun, and talks to a priest about her brother,
leading us into a flashback of earlier events. So...
Peter was out walking one day when....
It would be rude to stare.
This’ll last longer. Should be noted, Peter is accompanied by his girlfriend, Sherry.
‘Sherry, you know what I saw by the waterfall? A naked girl.’
You just flat out get women, don’t you?
‘No, I took some pictures, she was right over there.’
'Naked girl, you're crazy.'
Why are you acting like I’m the weird one?
‘I got some photos of her I tell you’
But when he gets the images developed, there is no sign of the girl.
‘Anyway, I suppose that by the time you took the picture she’d rushed off.’
Cos some little perv was taking pictures of her.
Peter’s subtle courtship of Sherry continues.
‘Hey everybody, Sherry reached adulthood ten minutes ago!’
If you know what I mean.
Unfortunately, Peter gets over-excited.
Happens to every man, but Sherry takes it badly.
#motorbike revving and driving off#
Can’t help thinking she was not dressed for a motorbike.
The gulf between Peter and Sherry grows; she goes out dancing,
while he imagines strangling a naked woman in his bedroom,
but then…
One of the small differences between this and The Exorcist is that rather turning into a demon,
Peter keeps becoming a naked woman.
'Let me into you.'
understandably confusing his mother.
‘There was someone there. In your bed. A woman. At first I thought it was you.’
You should really get a haircut.
After killing his mother.
Peter is cared for by Elena, but she too is visited by satanic forces.
Feels like part of the pitch for this film was; what if the devil was a naked lesbian.
'Your virginity is now mine.'
Elena takes Peter to a doctor,
'The only conclusion we can draw is these troubles stem from some paranormal phenomenon.'
in my medical opinion. Although this does seem quite a low grade possession.
Sometimes I think he’s just yawning.
#Devil may yawn#
Also…
'No don't touch me with your amulet.'
If I remember rightly, Regan’s attitude towards the cross was more… disdainful.
And it is now that the film starts to more closely ape Friedkin’s classic.
Enter the Exorcist. Let’s see what they can do with the most iconic image of the original.
‘Accursed Interferer. Go away. Go away’
Not sure having the devil yell ‘go away’ makes it more suspenseful.
Something notable about this Exorcist.
‘Dirty bastard! I shit upon you.’
He seems constantly surprised that the devil is rude.
‘Foul priest, go lick your master’s feet.’
Right from the moment he arrives.
‘Bastard spawn. Go away. Do not come in. Go.’
Well I’m not staying if I’m going to be insulted.
'I spit in you and your Mumbo Jumbo.'
Now we’re into the exorcism itself, so shocking that Elena has to leave and listen from outside.
#Crashing and Smashing#
Not the good china!
#More violent smashing of breakables#
My Royal Doulton figurines!
#Even more smashing - seriously so much stuff getting smashed, it's more like a Greek wedding than an Exorcism.#
Did they store everything fragile in Peter’s room?
He’s been smoking pot in bed again. Actually that was the devil leaving.
And that’s the thing, like I said this has no build, it also has no climax.
He was possessed, now he’s exorcised, and it’s also notable that, for the last twenty minutes,
the naked lesbian devil vanishes completely.
‘Give me your lips.’
What I think happened;
We want to rip off the Exorcist;
Great, so we’ve got possession at the start, exorcism at the end,
I don’t think we need any of that domestic drama, it just clutters it up,
gets in the way, makes you actually care about the characters, leave that out.
What can we replace it with?
How about a naked chick?
Great. Is there room for an orgy scene?
'Let yourself go.'
Sure, why not.
Should any of this tie into the exorcism in a clear and unambiguous way?
‘Why do you ask that question?’
That sounds like a lot of work. The end.
'It's just not possible.'
Thanks for watching. To see an uncensored version of this review, join us on Patreon as an acolyte.
This was released under a bunch of different titles, what are your favourite alternative titles for films?
Let us know in the comments below.
#DUH DUH!!!!!#