- (Tom Cruise) I've got the need, the need for s--
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!!
- Wait, you got rid of those old VHS tapes, right?
- Well, yeah, I didn't want our new roommate
to find our VHS fort.
- Hey, guys.
I am so jazzed to be part of this whole normal life thing
with roommates and one ply toilet paper
and carpet and ferns!
- Holy sh*t.
Are you Tom Cruise?
- SAAAAH! Roommates!
(snickering)
- What the f*ck just happened?
♪ (humming Mission Impossible) ♪
- Tom, it's your turn.
- Is that a new couch?
- No, why? - 'Cause I love this couch.
- Thanks, Tom.
Yeah, it's really nice and smooth and brown.
- I really love this couch!
- What are you doing? - LOVE IT!
Love this couch! Couch! Couch, couch, couch.
- Get off the couch, Tom! Tom, get off the--
(Tom snickers)
♪ (humming Mission Impossible) ♪
- What the f*ck?
- (Ian) Did he just take everything out of our fridge
and replace it with a huge-ass bucket?
- It's magma. Pure magma.
- Magma? Really, dude?
Magma in a plastic bucket?
That's not possible.
- Not possible, kinda like all those missions you go on,
right, Tom Cruise?
(weak chuckle)
No?
- SAAAAAH! Roommates! Roomados!
Doing karate with my roomatie.
(snickers)
♪ (humming Mission Impossible) ♪
- F*CK!!
- I hope you don't mind. I hate using toilet paper.
- What? What? (giggles)
- What the--? - OH YEAH!
♪ (humming Mission Impossible) ♪
- Okay, what do you have that I don't have?
Why does he keep neck chopping you and not me?
- Do you think I want to be neck chopped?
- I don't know. - That was f*cking annoying!
- I'm a way better friend to him than you are.
I'm way nicer to him and he won't neck chop me.
- Hey, hey, Tom. You left your cellphone here.
(phone beeps)
Oh, Jesus!
- FYI, everything I own self-destructs after five seconds.
Five, four, three, two, uno. BOOM!
Boom, boom, boommates, roommates.
Yeah! (snickers)
WOO! Ha! Ha! Ha!
WOO! Roommates! YEAH!
- F*ck, he's so cool.
♪ Tom Cruise's my roommate ♪
(yawning)
- Hope you don't mind. My sheets were all stained.
(snickers)
- GET OUT!!!
- No.
♪ Tom Cruise, the boommate ♪
Well, it's great that I had to buy a new couch
because someone kept jumping on the old one!
- It's been three weeks and he still hasn't neck chopped me.
- WOO! Yes!
- Tom, stop it!
- (Tom) Yes! - What the F*CK?!
- (Tom snickers) ROOOOMIESS!
- Tom, get down. - (Tom) Yes! Yes!
- (Ian) Ow!
♪ (humming Mission Impossible) ♪
(snickering)
- What are you guys doing?
- I dunno.
All I did was tell him that we wash our clothes
instead of throwing them out and buying new ones.
(snickering)
It's-It's not funny!
(snickering)
- It's been 14 hours.
♪ Tom Cruise is my roommate ♪
- Look, I know you like the guy for some reason,
but I really think we need to start thinking about getting
a new roommate. - Okay, okay! Fine.
- Look, guys, this whole thing has been a blast,
and I really like your couches, but I have to go.
SAAAAAH!
(snickers)
- Where?
- Home.
- He-He finally neck chopped me.
- And he destroyed three of our couches.
- And he forgot his cat.
(beeping noise) (cat meows)
- Wait, wait, wait!
(explosion)
- (Ian) Hey, guys, thanks so much for subscribing.
Click the video on the left to check out bloopers and this:
- Just so you know, whenever I film any scene I get an erection.
- (Anthony) And click the video on the right to watch
our new Every [Blank] Ever: Every Break Up Ever.
- It's not what it looks like, babe!
- Oh, really? Because it looks like you're sleeping with another guy!
- Oh... then it's exactly what it looks like.
- (Ian) And if you're watching this on a TV
or a touchscreen device, all the links are in the description below.