Stick around and I’ll give you a lesson on how to be a sore winner.
It was 1573, and the three-year truce between Oda Nobunaga and Rokkaku Jotei
shattered.
You see, after Nobunaga rammed Ashikaga Yoshiaki into the shogun seat, they immediately butted
heads.
Nobunaga wanted his own muppet shogun, but Yoshiaki did not want to be a muppet.
He wanted to be a real boy.
He asked Nobunaga softly,
"Maybe you could be, like, my second-in-command?
Maybe?"
To which Nobunaga replied,
“Excuse me, b--ch?”
and forced Yoshiaki to sign a hilarious order,
an order that a proper leader had no business signing.
Among other things, the document said Nobunaga could read all of Yoshiaki’s letters, to
make sure he wasn’t running his mouth about Nobunaga to his friends.
The document also said that all previous orders by the shogun were null and void.
That’s right, he signed a document saying,
“Yeah, just forget everything I ever said in the past.”
And finally, the most important provision said that Nobunaga could make any and all
decisions without the approval of the shogun.
Nobunaga may as well have slept with Yoshiaki’s wife then cut off his shogunuts.
He was unmanned.
To be fair, Poor Yoshiaki really didn’t have a choice.
He had no army.
Now you would think that signing away all of your power would make you mad,
and you’d be right.
Yoshiaki was furious.
And all that bloodrage must have flowed down and enlarged his katanads, because he took
the initiative to secretly plot with Nobunaga’s enemies.
There were many.
Naturally, Nobunaga found out.
He wasn’t happy, and when Nobunaga wasn’t happy, he made sure his enemies weren’t
happy either.
Rokkaku Jotei took Yoshiaki’s side.
He brought along his allies, Iga and Koka.
In the 3 years of their truce, Iga and Koka replenished their forces and were eager for
a rematch with Nobunaga.
Omi Province was a battlefield that year.
At this point, besides Jotei, Nobunaga was fighting against an impressive list of enemies,
including the Takeda, Ikko-ikki, Azai, and Asakura.
Remember the leader of the Azai was Azai Nagamasa, Nobunaga’s own brother-in-law.
The Azai were long-time allies of the Asakura.
When Nobunaga decided to attack the Asakura, Azai Nagamasa turned on Nobunaga and came
to their defense.
Alright, now being a loser, Yoshiaki began to lose.
Yoshiaki lost a strategic castle in Ishiyama, then one in Nijo.
At some point Yoshiaki ran to Makinoshima Castle, hoping to hide there until Nobunaga’s
enemies defeated him.
It was a strong plan, until Nobunaga marched to his hideout and confronted him.
Yoshiaki fought for a day, decided it wasn’t worth it, and surrendered.
I’m not sure if he knew it at the time, but he didn’t just surrender the war, he
surrendered his clan’s greatest legacy.
His defeat marked the end of the 250-year-old Ashikaga shogunate.
So Yoshiaki did become famous for something after all.
Nobunaga went on to gain a string of victories.
Now if you were a warlord, of course you didn’t want to lose to anyone, but losing to this
prick Nobunaga was the worst, because he was the biggest sore winner.
After smashing the faces of the Azai and Asakura beyond all recognition, Nobunaga took off
the heads of their three leaders.
He displayed the heads on spears for the public to enjoy, quality family entertainment.
He then ordered the heads cleaned to the bone and lacquered with gold and silver so that
he could use them as sake cups.
Now the practicality of this is questionable, since there would be holes where the sake
could leak out of, and skulls are way too big, too cumbersome.
You’d have to slice the top of the skull and make that the cup.
But then you’d have to make sure that piece could balance on a table.
Depending on the skull shape, you may have to stick something to the bottom to ensure
it could stand.
I would’ve just coated the skulls in iron and used them as maces.
Nobunaga then beat the Koka into submission, ending the Koka Confederacy.
Surprisingly, he didn’t treat Koka that badly, he must’ve thought they were alright.
Well, he did go around destroying all their castles and forts, but other than that…
The Koka army joined Nobunaga’s military and from that point on, you hear glowing accounts
of Koka troops participating in Nobunaga’s country clobbering campaign.
We must note that Koka’s ally, the Iga Confederacy, did not submit to Nobunaga.
Their alliance was broken, and as we’ll see later, Koka will take part in Nobunaga’s
future invasion of Iga.
After the loss of his Koka ally, Jotei holed himself up in a castle in Ishibe.
Seeing a wounded enemy, Nobunaga pounced and laid siege to the castle.
After years of fighting losingly, Jotei secured one final loss and surrendered.
And Omi Province became firmly nestled in Nobunaga’s bloody fist.
After beating Jotei, Nobunaga decided it wasn’t enough.
The Rokkaku had a family temple that Jotei was super proud of, called Chojuji.
Everyone knew of this temple.
He would show guests around all the time.
His allies, the Koka, visited enough to be familiar with it.
So...it would’ve been a dick move for Nobunaga to torch this temple, right?
Don’t worry, he didn’t.
Instead, he dismantled the temple, and used its parts to create his own temple, Sokenji.
He recreated many buildings of the old temple in the Sokenji, so that Jotei would recognize
familiar sights as he walked through the new temple, reminders of what he had lost.
The Sokenji resided within a grand castle that Nobunaga built, his new seat of power,
the legendary Azuchi Castle.
It had a huge seven-story keep, a symbol of his might.
Now Nobunaga’s a massive dick to his enemies, but you gotta respect the thought he put into
his dickery.
One day, he held a new year’s banquet at his new Azuchi Castle, and invited the Koka
leaders.
This was an opportunity for the Koka leaders to visit Sokenji and see the familiar buildings
of the temple again.
It was nice, but at the end, Nobunaga charged them all a fee for the temple visit.
He himself collected the coins from each person.
The symbolism was perversely poetic.
The Koka previously had freedom, they lived under no one, the temple reminded them of
that.
But in the end, everyone had to pay up, and Oda Nobunaga always came to collect.
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