Can I ride this?
Oh, I can.
Oh, my gosh, what was I doing this whole time?
Oh, no, I don't want to kill him.
I just want to take his camel.
I'm sorry, man.
(energetic music)
Today, we're playing Assassin's Creed Origins.
And trying not to break any laws.
I think it's going to be fairly difficult
told hold because I'm gonna want
to do knife-y fight combat stuff.
I don't know how I'm gonna do with this.
Not breaking any laws is gonna
make me feel a lot like Dexter Morgan
from the series Dexter.
Where I'm walking around and I'm like,
"Oh, if only you knew what I could do."
I just love the sneaky assassinations.
Not today I guess.
Today, I'll just be focusing on
riding a horse and walking around.
What else is there in this game?
Lucky for me, I've got a very well designed
list of fun activities (laughs) to go through.
Sell some stuff.
Go for a swim.
Stargaze. Enjoy some parkour.
Visit the temple.
It's time to go to Egypt.
I'm just gonna go into town.
If I happen to find a merchant,
then I'll try and sell some shit.
Oh, I just pushed her, is that crime?
I'm gonna check out my character.
I know that's not on your list of activities.
But it's the activity I always do (laughs).
Everybody's screaming at me.
Why is someone screaming?
I'm carrying this man, he's exhausted.
Do I get bonus points if I'm a good Samaritan?
(laughs) That thought didn't really cross my mind.
All right, let's find some water.
♪ Daddy's gotta find some water ♪
There's like nothing to parkour.
Climb it, climb it, sir.
Look at all these people.
I wonder if they wanna buy my stuff.
Yeah, climb it, climb it good.
Look at me go.
(gasps) Look at me.
Look, I did a roll!
Oh, I'm so good.
See, I could run as fast as a camel.
This is some whole hearted fun.
Okay (groans).
I'm gonna turn around because they don't want me there.
And that's okay with me.
Go, go, go, go, go, desynchronization?
Oh, okay, so I didn't parkour like super well.
If you thought you'd only play Assassin's Creed Origins
and not break the law and not have fun,
boy, were you wrong 'cause I'm gonna chase--
That camel just ran over a donkey!
That was the most insane thing I've ever seen.
The donkey's just going.
I am a good assassin.
Look at me, I'm reformed.
I feel like my destiny has been stolen from me.
I was meant to be an assassin.
There's a lot of running if you decide
you're not gonna assassinate people.
Okay, here's the ocean.
All right, so there's a boat.
I wanna get in the boat.
Because I feel like if I'm gonna swim,
I wanna swim in the center of the ocean.
I just stole--
(censor beeps)
I stole a boat.
(gentle music)
I was trying to be such a good citizen.
And I just stole a boat.
And that's not what I was trying to do.
And honestly, I'm gonna return it where I got it.
I'd love to sell you my shit.
Eight tokens for a broken pot?
That seems like a great deal.
I will sell that to you.
Let's go for a swim now.
We've done our parkour, it was boring.
Parkour's only fun when like evading someone.
I read that if you steal and they don't know you did it,
that's actually not a crime.
It's considered quite polite.
Okay, I didn't go swimming yet.
There we go.
♪ Swimming in the dirtiest water ♪
♪ that I've ever seen ♪
Got into town.
Everyone's kind of losing their shit a little bit.
I am really not a nice citizen.
I feel like I just keep pushing people.
Like, if they're in my way, I just like push them.
I'm a boat captain.
This is beautiful.
This surrounding is quite nice, look at that.
All the things I can enjoy
'cause I literally have nothing better to do (laughs).
It's time for bonus parkour.
♪ Jumping on stuff, by the dude ♪
This is why he's so yolked.
He's just jumping all over the place.
Having not assassinated anyone,
and having played Assassin's Creed
for a good solid amount of time,
I don't feel good about it, man.
Yeah, baby (yells).
I wonder if I can run people over with this guy.
Oh, you can.
Can I ride the camel?
The laws were mostly suggestions.
And by the way, while I was saying that,
I kicked somebody in the face with my camel.
I feel like the best way to get
into the temple to avoid conflict
would be just to go through the front doors.
- [Assassin] I should not be seen in this area.
I should not been seen in this area?
But I gotta go to the temple.
Everyone should be allowed in the temple.
I am fighting for basic
rights in this establishment.
- [Character] Hey, you, stop!
No!
- [Assassin] I should be cautious around here.
Oh, man, it just warned me to be cautious.
Oh, no, shit!
Guys, I'm sorry!
Oh, they've seen me, I gotta go.
Zing, that was so dope.
- [Man] I caught you, dog.
Oh, man, oh, I'm gonna die.
Oh, (censor beeps).
This is the temple.
Wait, no, I don't wanna fight you, okay?
They'll attack on site?
I've not done anything wrong.
I have not done anything wrong.
This is an act of defense (chuckles).
Well, I'm dead.
I did get sort of into the temple.
I am almost dead.
Wait, hang on, I'm running away.
Oh, no, oh, no, no, no, no.
This is so pretty. (gentle music)
You know what?
No, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
This guy, see, I'm just rolling around.
Oh, do you like this?
Yeah, that's right (chuckles).
Okay, this is boring.
I'm just gonna commandeer the boat for like a second.
Oh, man, I love this.
All right, all right, listen, son.
Come on.
If you only knew what I could do to you.
How's it going?
Cool boat.
I'm just gonna jump on your boat!
And assassinate you!
All right, sirs, listen.
I'm just trying to be here, okay?
I'm just trying to go to the--
Hey, now!
Now I'm just rolling around.
(chuckles) Ring around the rosie much, huh?
You are being quite mean.
Did something not on the list,
which is acquire a ship.
This has improved my experience tenfold.
Fight, okay, I died.
There you go, that was nice.
Okay, I might be covered in blood.
I did it, I did three tasks and I did break some laws.
It was hard.
I feel like I expected this to be way easier.
I'm just gonna vote for playing the game
as an assassin as the name would suggest.
I think I did great, better than I expected.
Honestly, I thought I would kill more people.
The things I didn't think about
are the things that I just do in my natural life
that I don't consider breaking laws.
Like, stealing boats, and stealing camels,
and using camels just to kick people in the face.
(upbeat music)