Whose ready for the annual Advanced Knife Bro channel’s trimming of the tree mixtape,
featuring special guests jugs, bamboo, marbles, tops, and Esee.
Ok so it’s a machete review thats longer than it needs to be because of slow motion…
So while we will get to the Christmas Tree dismemberment in half an hour or so, first
let’s read a few inspirational quotes from famous people about bamboo from terrible website
brainyquotes.com.
As you know I left my bamboo in Virginia and really kind of miss it, probably more than
a lot of people I’ve met?
Is there a name for that?
Ok so the quotes… first ohh this is a nice one from bruce lee, Brainyquotes totally swears
he said.
You have a problem with that?
Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives
by bending with the wind.
But fails when confronted by a simpleton with a machete.
Oh and here’s one attributed to Marlon Brando:
With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end.
I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close.
Like catching snakes.
Venomous ones that bite me, as I eat them.
And that is why I talk like this.
That Marlon Brando quote aged as well as Marlon Brando.
Rest in Peace creep.
Speaking of creeps, recently this guy posted a comment, saying I should talk about illuminatti
less.
So figured this intro would help.
Although now that I’ve said illuminati then I guess I’m talking about…
Hmm.
So in this uhh review we’ll compare three machetes, The marbles cost me $20, the Esse
about $60, and the Tops just under $100, and that folks is how I spend my money.
So let’s compare some dimensions, no blue lines.
Like the overall length and weight.
I’m doing slow mo, we can’t have everything.
Weight with the sheaths.
Ooh lots of pockets!
I have removed the sharpening stone from the Marbles sheathed weight in case you like to
roam into the wild unprepared except for knowledge gleaned from Youtube videos.
Blade size and chopping edge.
This here’s my Altoids tin filled with char cloth.
Around here somewhere’s my other altoids tin filled with fire steels.
Handle size and grip area.
To keep em straight- The Peppermint is the char cloth, and the cinnamon tin has the ferro
rods.
Spine thickness and handle thickness.
Uncle Tacticals BushCraft Knife Adventures said it’s best to separate your survival
gear by different flavors of altoids.
And that chemtrails are slowly shrinking our reproductive organs.
Tallnesses.
I’m still trying to locate a discontinued creme de menthe tin for my credit card sized
folding tactical tomahawk.
Ok so three machete’s here.
Let’s take a look at the blades.
First the Marbles model MA12718W, which I bought from Smokey Mountain Knife Works.
Who unfortunately did not sponsor this video.
Marbles makes a few machetes in this size, which would be referred to as a Latin Style
18 incher.
Like the title for that old VHS tape you own…
Made from a 1075 carbon steel with smooth sorta glossy orange coating to help resist
corrosion on the blade.
Orange of course the most corrosion resistant of all the colors.
Green would be the most resistant to the undead.
Red to assains.
The Marbles unlike cheap cold steel machetes I’ve dabbled in there is some tapering from
the spine to the edge and the handle to the tip, keeping it relatively light.
Known as distal tapering.
There’s quite a bit of flex to the blade.
Just like the Esee here.
The Esee is a rebranded Imacasa Machete with handles by Esee.
Imacasa makes condor tool and knife, and like a lot of their machetes it’s made from 1075
high carbon steel also like the Marbles.
The coating is a smooth anti rust finish, it’s a touch heavier than the Marbles, with
a little bit longer of a cutting edge despite being overall shorter.
And finally the tops .230 machete.
Don’t know what .230 means, other than it sounds like your blood alcohol level about
the time you decided buying 3 similar sized machetes was a good idea.
It’s blade is made from 1095 carbon steel, which in addition to being a bigger more tactical
number, has slightly more carbon than the 1075 in the marbles and esee.
This in theory gives it a little bit better edge retention, in anecdotal evidence on message
boards.
The trade off would be it’s a little harder to sharpen.
That’s why I throw my 1095s blades and buy new ones.
The coating is a matte textured black that seemed to hold up well to abuse.
The tops is about a millimeter thicker piece of steel than the other two, so it’s less
flexible overall, and heavier.
There’s some tapering too, so it’s not just sharpened piece of steel.
All three were usably sharp out of the box, with the tops and esee being only a hair sharper
than the marbles.
All three more than capable of taking off a finger clean while you swing them around
in your back yard, because you never developed proper social skills.
The handle.
First the marbles, it’s a tanged all the way through the handle and wrapped with wire.
While you may have never said, You know what would make this handle comfortable, wrapping
it with some steel wire- turns out it actually isn’t bad.
It gave an excellent grip in the snow, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the
wood underneath the wire and on the butt seems a little splintery.
With the thickest handle of the three it fit my hand well, and gots that lanyard hole.
Next the Esee.
I knew the Esee was discontinued, and bought it primarily because I knew it had the possibility
of being a collectors item after I’m dead so my children could flip on eBay in 70 years
for about the price I paid- because of my massive credit card debt due partially to
knives.
Also, The handle shape and material used was another consideration when purchasing.
Although the handle is not easily removable like most esee’s because those are no screws.
Rivets.
The handle is a smooth micarta, and also fit my hand well.
It’s my favorite shaped handle of the three but in my heart I wished the micarta was a
little more fabricy.
It has a lanyard loop and the handle is made in the USA by Esee, even though it’s an
Imacasa blade.
And now the Tops.
I’m a little torn, while the micarta for the handle is the right texture, a metaphorical
butterfly in a polypropylene world, and is removable with hex screws- it’s kind of
a weird shape.
It’s not that it’s uncomfortable, but it’s a thin handle and the finger groove
is kinda shallow.
I would have also preferred a more pronounced front finger guard, thicker scales, and maybe
a punisher skull type engraving somewhere to let everyone know you aren’t fucking
around.
Of course unless thats a trademark violation.
The sheaths…
First if you’ve ever bitched about your machete not coming with a goddamn whistle,
drop everything and buy the tops.
Just go right now.
You can scare away bears, attract mates, attract bears to mate with, and let everyone know
whose the king of this fucking jungle.
Conversely if you were looking for a perfect sheath well, keep wishing with one foot and
while stepping in bear shit with the other.
The tops has two pockets with slightly overkill tactical buckles.
What do you mean slightly??
It’s a right handed sheath, and not a drop sheath.
Retention isn’t great, and it might could do with a handle loop to secure the blade
as you swing through the jungle.
I would have preferred a drop sheath with better retention versus the buckles shit-
but no one asked me.
It’s sturdy and thick.
The marbles comes with a sharpening stone, and a few extra pockets to put your weed into.
They are held by velcro, and it’s actually a drop sheath with a cheap feeling loop.
The machete retention here is the best among the three just shove it way the hell down
in it.
Busy but it’s functional- although made for righties, or just cross draw and stop
whining.
Now the Esee sheath also isn’t great.
It’s ambidextrous though.
But retention is worst among the three, it sort of rattles around.
All three are nylon or polyester or cordura or some petroleum based product that takes
300 years to break down in a landfill.
I would have preferred dyed dead cow.
That should take only 250 years.
Comparisons.
I have quite a few machetes- a phrase more of self examination than a brag, but let’s
compare just a few because most were packed away at the time.
First the marbles.
Dare I say, the cheapest one is the most well rounded?
Handle is ok… micarta would be better but there ain’t no nice Micarta handles in the
$20 range.
You could steal them if you’re on a budget…
It’s light, and good for greener thinner bushwhacking.
Also I like the blade shape.
Now the Tops.
Fit and finish and materials on the tops are the uh tops… but like I said earlier the
sheath is busy but kinda half assed, the handle is a little too overthought, going for flashy
over functional… and I prefer a pointier tip on a machete too.
But it’s stout, and can handle chopping with less blade flex while whacking… it’s
a good effort, and I might grow to love it in the future.
But why spend under $50 on a good machete when this $100 one has the tactical lifestyle
marketing campaign.
Now the Esee.
Or Imacasa.
Some people might ask why didn’t I just get a condor latin machete.
If I bought a $100 tops micarta handled machete, buy the $100 condor too.
My money is no object.
I dunno good question.
I like the handle- that’s mostly it really and as you’ll see at the end of the video…
a lot left to be desired on that heat treat.
Or maybe there wasn’t one.
Also would have liked a removable handle, for cleaning, and rust inspection, but at
least I have something to bitch about.
Now the Ontario military 18”- I reviewed last year.
You can get this for about the same price as the Marbles, but it’s a bit stouter of
a machete, like the tops.
This one is well built and cheap… better budget alternative than maybe the Esee or
the Tops.
The handle is kind of cheap and slick but it works, it chops, and holds up well to abuse.
Now if you’re looking for something a bit more suited for woodier chopping the Condor
Golok which I review in an upcoming video, excells.
Nice big lumpy backend, like we all like, so it stays in the hand well.
Thick blade stock and kind of heavy.
If you often battle thicker woodier cellose based foes, rather than hack at thin branches,
this works better as your kinda not socially acceptible sidepiece.
Alright let’s wrap it up.
Out of the three the easiest recommendation is the Marbles.
I am well aware of Tramontinas, regular old Imacasas, Martindales, and more.
The tops is a nice try, but a little too odd to fall in love with at $100.
And well the Esee, spoiler alert, some bad edge rolling.
I own quite a few choppers and machetes, and never seen anything quite like this, in all
my years of whacking.
The other machetes did not exhibit any edge rolling, or damage during the making of this
video.
My guess is this one skipped the heat treat- and I don’t think it’s overall reflective
of Imacasa Condor, or even least of all Esee.
Just you know sometimes you have shit luck.
I cant say, when it happened, other than somewhere during this video, the edges rolled.
Batoning?
Anyway if you like this sort of review, subscribe, comment, like… follow me on Instagram…
maybe think of donating to my Patreon….
It helps me afford the $200 worth of Machetes seen here to make a dumbass video with slow
motion and music.
Thanks for watching.
(Music) Hall of the Mountain King by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons
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