(upbeat music)
- The Trump administration is currently celebrating
a Corona virus relief bill
that would send most Americans over $1,000 in cash,
which is an idea that sounds necessary
and strangely familiar.
(telephone chiming)
- [Ronny] Andrew, what the (beep)?
Yo the Republicans stole your idea.
- Oh it's not my idea
and I'm thrilled that they're, they're doing it.
- But dude this is your idea.
Literally your one idea,
you were running on this one thing
and they stole it.
- Well, you know, they're not going to do it in perpetuity.
That would be my idea.
They put it in place where we get it every month forever.
Then I would be up there.
Hope, just clapping and cheerleading
because all of this stuff's very, very overdue.
- Remember when you first started
and you were talking about UBI,
a lot of people called you crazy.
- It's a convoluted cockamamie idea.
- It's this move towards socialism.
- [Reporter] It's all going to stink.
You're going to lose your job.
You're not going to have anything.
So we're going to give you a big handout.
I mean I don't know that that's going to be inspiring
to a lot of Americans.
- Do you think Americans just needed to be pushed
to the brink of death
and economic collapse
to realize that hey,
maybe giving people a thousand dollars isn't a bad idea.
- On my campaign I was talking about how more and more of us
are going to get sent home
because technology, artificial intelligence,
robots are going to do more and more of our jobs.
And now we've all been sent home
and we see that it's obvious that we have no way
to help people survive this crisis,
but to put money directly into our own hands.
- Okay but how much do you believe
that this Corona virus is caused by AI?
Is this the first step in the global domination?
- AI had nothing to do with the Corona virus.
- Just a coincidence, just a coincidence
that now we depend on computers more than ever.
I'm talking to you on a computer.
I'm also looking at porn
on a computer at the same time,
because computers are great like that.
You can multitask.
- Computers are definitely transforming our way of life
in ways big and small,
but this virus is
(woman moaning)
a totally different phenomenon.
- Sorry, Andrew.
I didn't hear any of that I was multitasking.
So how do you stop this administration
from (beep) this idea up?
- Well, we tell them just to keep it as simple as possible,
money in our hands,
regardless of who we are,
every month until the crisis is over.
And then after the crisis is over, just keep going.
Just say, you know what, who knows?
There could be another crisis around the corner.
- Do you think we should add an extra $500
for all Asians as a racial profiling rebate?
You know, just each of us gets maybe venmoed a few bucks
every time a politician uses the term Chinese virus.
- I do not think so.
I think we should treat everyone the same Ronny.
- Right, gotcha.
Let's, let's talk about it in the chat,
after this.
I guess the last thing I'm wondering is
when you look at what's happening out there,
do you think it's too late?
- I wish we'd acted before Ronny,
but it's not never too late to do the right thing.
We just need to start doing the right thing for our people.
- What?
No, I meant is it too late for you to get back in the race,
to run for president,
as an independent.
- We need to defeat Donald Trump in the fall.
I'm dedicated to doing that
and helping the Democrats win in the fall.
- Okay, got it.
So we solve Corona virus first
and then vote for Andrew Yang as independent,
for president of the United States.
Got it.
- No, that's not right.
We take care of our people,
we get money into our hands,
and we get Donald Trump out of there in the fall.
- Whatever you say, President Yang.
- Thanks Ronny.
Not at all what I said,
but stay home.
- Sorry, sorry I can't hear you.
I gotta close this window.
(phone chimes)
(upbeat music)
- While we've been going through
this Corona crisis in America,
the Daily Show's Ronny Chieng
has been stuck in Australia.
(phone chimes)
There he is Ronny Chieng.
- Hey, what's up Trevor.
- Oh man so good to see you dude.
What's going on?
- I'm okay.
I was actually visiting Australia
when all this went down,
came here to pet a Koala Bear
and all this stuff's not happening,
so I'm stuck in a hotel room right now
and I spend like $2,000 on Mini Pop Peanuts.
- Damn.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You gotta be careful down there man
there's a lot of Corona cases down there.
- Yeah it's increasing just like everywhere,
but don't worry,
I've been tested.
- Wait are you being like,
are you being serious?
You've been tested, tested?
- Yeah I got tested for the Corona.
Yeah, yeah.
I just had the-
- I can't, I can't tell if you're being serious,
did you really get tested?
- Yeah I got tested.
- Oh, okay.
Like just, just because you like,
because like you're on TV or just,
they're just testing people.
- I think that just,
I matched the symptoms
because I had a cough
and I just came in from America-
- Wow
- and they gave me everything.
They tested me,
they gave me a pap smear,
they gave me a pregnancy test.
I had the whole, everything,
I did every exam I could in that place.
- Wow, okay.
That sounds unnecessary.
I don't know why you did the pregnancy test.
Oh but you you'll be glad to know that I'm not pregnant
by the way.
Well I mean that, that's obvious
you wouldn't have ever been pregnant.
- I'm also not, whatever the pap smear test,
I'm not that either.
- I don't think it's testing for a thing to be,
I think that-
- Yeah, well look.
- Anyway, anyway I'm just saying.
- The point is I'm perfectly healthy.
The point is I'm perfectly healthy.
- Yeah and the point is it seems like it's really easy
to get tested in Australia,
much easier than it is in America.
- Yeah well.
- It's like, it's impossible to get a test out here.
- Yeah I'm hearing stories,
again I haven't been in America for like four weeks now,
but if it makes you feel any better,
the Corona test doesn't feel great.
Okay?
They stick that swab way up your nose.
It touches the back of your,
back of your nasal passage.
It's like an anal probe on your nose, man.
It's not good.
- Wait, so they just like stick the thing up your nose,
- They stick it up and then twist it like that.
- Like they're digging your nose for you.
- Yeah.
But not,
it feels like,
it feels like someone's trying to scratch your brain.
- Damn.
Oh, that sucks.
Well I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry that you had to get the test.
I'm also sorry
that now you're stuck in a hotel social distancing.
That must like be double the pain.
- No, no, I'm fine, man.
I love social distancing.
I love, this is my jam.
I love this stuff.
I get to watch TV all day and eat whatever I want.
Wake up whenever I want.
I didn't have to wear pants.
I'm not wearing pants right now.
It's the best.
- Yeah but what about all the people who love you?
You don't get to see them.
- And those, those people are the worse by the way,
people who love you are the worse,
hugging and kissing and rubbing is,
every, every form of affection is like a Corona bomb.
No thanks.
- Wow, okay.
So if it was up to you,
you would just be interacting over like
video calls and stuff.
That would be your life.
- Absolutely.
In fact when this thing is over,
I hope this is the only way we interact.
I mean, I don't have to smell your breath.
You know, I don't have to,
I don't have to like be in contact with your bodily fluids.
And if I get bored,
I can just pretend I'm having problems with the wifi.
- Wow, okay.
I mean that's one way to look at it,
but then like what about like work
and hanging out with your friends?
You always said you loved having lunch
with me every day.
So I mean that's-
- I'm sorry, Trevor, I'm sorry.
The wifi in Australia is actually really, really bad.
So I, I can't hear you anymore.
I'll just talk to you later, man.
See you later.
- Oh okay. Bye.
(phone chimes)
(upbeat modern music)
- Do you want to know what I miss about life
before quarantine?
I miss sports.
I just miss going to a bar and just watching a game.
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I, for me personally,
I don't miss sports,
but I just miss the normal things
of just hanging out with friends.
- Do you know what I miss the most?
Eating anything outside my home.
- Oh my God.
Yes just go into a restaurant and like holding a menu.
- Oh I definitely miss restaurants man.
I miss excusing myself to go to the bathroom
and then crawling up in the ceiling
and just living in the air duct for three days.
- Ugh, it's the best.
So snug.
- You know?
What I really miss?
Is just seeing new things.
- Yeah man going new places, traveling.
- Packing a suitcase,
strapping a weapon to your leg,
and just going through TSA checkpoint
just to get that thrill when they don't find it.
- I miss going outside and just seeing a dog
and then thinking,
if I was a dog would I find that dog sexy?
And would the dog find me sexy?
- Do y'all remember going to the park on Saturdays
with your friend
and you bring a big five pound ham to the park
and you're having a good ole fashion ham toss.
Where the only rule is
first one who drops the ham...
- [All] Eats the ham.
- I really miss getting thrown out of old Navy.
- I miss going to the zoo and telling the seals
that I'm disappointed in them,
- Handing rocks to people on the subway
and just whispering one day,
you will know what this means.
- I miss going down to the beach
and just breathing in that fresh salty air
and strapping a cinder block to myself.
And then just walking straight into the ocean.
- Dressing up like Elmo in Times Square
and whispering into kids' ears that God isn't real.
- Or Going to the zoo and telling the seals
that I'm disappointed in them.
- I said that already.
- I miss going to the DMV in a diaper,
dressing up like a big baby going,
"Big baby needs a driver's license".
- Yes!
- You know what I miss?
I miss gradually displacing the household staff
of a wealthy Korean family
and killing the dad and living in the basement.
- Oh yes.
Totally.
Totally
- I miss going to the movies.
- Ronny, what the (beep)?
- What the hell is wrong with you, Ronny?
- You're some kind of freak man.
- I think I gotta, I gotta water myself or something.
- I gotta go.
- No, guys.
No, no, no, no, no.
No don't go I was just joking.
- Weird. You're being weird.
- No no guys don't go, don't go.
I can be weirder.
I don't, I don't just go to the movies.
I, I also take a dump in the popcorn and I eat it.
Guys.
Guys?
(upbeat music)