There are often times in our lives when we risk letting our social skills get rusty.
I’m not just talking about social isolation during pandemics. I’m also talking about
“hermiting” in the deep of winter, when we like to hole up in our houses and wait
it out for spring, or when we seek solitude in a remote location to write our next novel.
As we’ve discussed on this channel, strategic social distancing can have its benefits. It
offers space for creativity and “deep work” (to borrow a term from the professor and author
Cal Newport). But don’t let that period of social distancing
become an excuse to let your social skills atrophy. While it’s perfectly fine to dial
down the social interaction level for a period of time, you should still seek out opportunities
to keep your social skills sharp. Putting in the effort to stay on top of your
social skills game will ensure a smooth transition back into society when your period of distancing
ends, and it will also supply your brain with some healthy social stimulation, which even
the most determined hermit benefits from. Today I’m going to share some strategies
to keep your social skills honed during periods of social distancing. These are strategies
that you can practice with others in your close proximity, or if you are going full-on
recluse, you can perform these virtually. Let’s get into it.
What’s up Explearners. Mary Daphne here of explearning.co where we believe social
skills are the key to the Good Life. What’s the Good Life? It’s where you call the shots,
you have a crew you can count on, and you’re on a mission you care about.
Before I jump in, I wanted to tell you about a great free resource we’ve created for
the Explearning community. It’s a comprehensive small talk guide. So, if you find yourself
grasping at thin air when you’re in unfamiliar social situations, then our small talk guide
is for you! Just click the link in the description box below to get the downloadable delivered
to your inbox. Ok, now onto the strategies for stretching
those social skills muscles: (1) Practice Empathetic Listening
Too often, in our world of smartphones and constant distractions, when we listen to someone
speaking to us, we do so only partially. We’re trained to multi-task.
So I’m going to challenge you to do the exact opposite.
The next time someone says something to you, listen to what they are saying with all your
might. Employ your full sensory faculties. Listen without judgment or forming an opinion
or composing a pithy response or quipping something clever. Allow for there to be pauses
and silence because that will allow the other person to continue speaking.
Only once they have finished saying what they planned to say should you respond.
Make sure your response demonstrates that you truly listened. You don’t have to agree
with them if you don’t feel like it, but you do need to demonstrate that you understand
why they feel the way they feel. If you don’t understand their position, encourage them
to share more. Show that you care. The idea here is to practice active and empathetic
listening, so let the other person do the driving. We have a video about active listening
and empathetic listening so check those out for some more information.
(2) Make Eye Contact The next time you speak with someone, make
a concerted effort to look them in the eye. And I’m not talking about furtive, millisecond
glances. I’m talking about holding their gaze for a few full seconds. Prove that it
is deliberate. This kind of eye contact demonstrates that
you care about what the other person is saying and that you respect them enough to give them
your full undivided attention. If you are relying on video chat, this is
a bit tricky, because to look someone in the eye on video chat, you actually need to look
into the camera lens. But just imagine the lens is an eyeball, and the effort of looking
into it will achieve the same purpose because you are doing it deliberately.
You’d be surprised how uncomfortable eye contact can be. Right, it feels much safer
to look at our phones or anywhere but someone’s eye. This is particularly the case after extended
periods of social distancing. And this is why it is an important skill to
keep practicing. (3) Compose Two Emails
Written communication is a form of social interaction, and you don’t want that to
go dull either. So let’s write a couple of emails:
Make the first email professional or work-related. It can be about exploring a new business opportunity
or checking in on an existing client. The point here is to use appropriately professional
language and a more formal structure. We have an entire guideline for how to email like
a boss, check that video out here. The second email should be addressed to a
friend or family member. Make it warm and friendly. The goal here is to practice your
empathetic writing. So you want to show some emotion. Make your personality shine through
in it. Put a smile on the recipient’s face. It’s important to do both types of emails
because each requires a slightly different style of communicating, and you’ll want
to exercise both of those muscles. (4) Get into a Tiff and Resolve it
Ok that might sound funny, but I want you to get into a bit of an argument with someone.
Nothing out of control or totally crazy, just take a position that you know the other person
will disagree with. Raise the tempo just a bit above average.
And once you’ve done that, it’s time to bring it back down. Demonstrate that you see
the other person’s point of view, find a middle ground, and settle the dispute.
The process of managing conflict forces you to use a wide range of important social skills,
all of which you’ll want to keep sharp during your social distancing. Rehearsing the conflict
management routine every now and then will allow you to keep the machine well oiled.
Abd if you’d like a few tips on that process, check out our strategies for resolving conflict
right over here. ----
So there you have it: four easily implementable strategies for maintaining your social skills
fitness levels. Let’s quickly recap:
- Practice listening to someone with all of your senses
- Lock onto the eyes and hold the gaze - Send a mix of professional and personal
written correspondence - Get into a squabble and resolve it
The reality is that you probably have a lot of experience with all of these activities.
But you might be surprised at how quickly these abilities gather dust when you go through
periods of social distancing. So run through the list and do them with more
focus and deliberation than you might otherwise. These strategies will give the social part
of your brain some healthy stimulation and help you ease back into a more active social
routine when you’re ready for it. So now that I've shared our thoughts, I’d
love to hear your own ideas for maintaining your social skills while social distancing.
What are some other things you can think of? If you haven’t yet, what steps are you going
to take to keep up your social skills? Share that with me and the Explearning community
in the comments below. And, if you loved this lesson, please be sure
to let me know. You can give this video a thumb’s up on YouTube and if you haven’t
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Email this video to a friend or coworker who also wants to supercharge their social skills.
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as well! And remember, the writeup of these lessons
are always available on our blog at explearning.co/blog. With that, have an awesome week, Explearners.
Thank you so much for joining me and I’ll see you next time for your next Explearning
lesson. Happy Explearning ⚡