- So if you're seeing a guy and he slowly starts
to pull away and you're wondering, is he losing interest?
He's not communicating with you the way he once was,
what can you do?
Today I'm gonna share with you three
of the main reasons why a man will pull away
but more importantly what you can do about it, check it out.
(gentle music)
Hey, there, this is Matt Boggs.
And I'm the founder
of the Love And Relationships Division here
at the Brave Thinking Institute
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love.
And that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, I encourage you
to click that little subscribe button and click that bell.
Because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And one of the most frustrating things
when we're dating especially when you like someone
you feel your heart finally open up.
You start to have attraction with this person.
There's chemistry, you've gone on like several great dates,
and then there's that like heart dropping moment
when you send a text
and they've been texting you, they've been regular.
And then at this moment,
they don't text you back, a few days go by,
they don't text you back.
You're like, no and you can just feel
like something shifted, something's changed.
And your wondering, your mind starts racing
because you want the relationship to work out.
I mean, after all this person
you finally have chemistry with, you really like them,
you could see that they're a great fit for you.
You just don't know if they reciprocate.
So what's going on in that moment, like what has happened.
So I'm gonna share with you three reasons, the most
common reasons why men pull away, but more importantly
I'm gonna give you three things that you can do
in that moment to claim power in your love life
and ultimately create what it is that you want.
So the number one reason why a man will not respond
to your texts,
why he will you'll feel him pull away emotionally,
you can feel the energetics can't you like,
there's just your intuitive faculty tells you
that something is off, the number one reason is
because something is off, his interest in you has changed.
Now there's a few reasons why that's happened.
He's gotten to know you more.
And the more he is gotten to know, he realizes, wow
this just isn't right fit for me.
Or he's met somebody else when we're all online dating
and we're swiping and we're liking someone else has
come into the picture that he has more interest for.
Right, but all of those reasons means
that he's just not that into you.
Now, in a moment, I'm gonna share with you what you can do
but that's really the first overarching reason.
And I know that reason sucks, but know this.
If he's not that into you, he's not your man by definition
because your man by definition is gonna be super into you.
He's gonna adore you.
He's gonna cherish you.
You are gonna be his queen
as he's gonna be your king right.
Now the second reason that a man pulls away
is that he is feeling you there's chemistry there
but your vision for what you want in a relationship
and his vision for what he wants don't match.
You guys don't want the same thing.
So you might be in the in the spot
where you want something serious,
you want something committed,
and he just wants to date, keep things casual.
There's nothing wrong with either one of those.
You all get to want what you want, but if he feels
that it's not a match, he's gonna be pulling away looking
for someone who wants what he wants, in that case,
good riddance you want him to move to the side
to make room for someone who wants what you want.
And the third reason is
that he's dealing with personal matters.
So he may have someone in his life that's passed away.
A major change that's happened.
Something going on with his job
that has really been tough, really been stressful.
And what happens is he doesn't see you
as his partner in life yet.
So he's not willing to open
up and share that stuff with you.
And so, because these other things take priority.
He's just really everything else
in his life is taking a backseat, including you
and dating you to this other thing going on in his life.
So what do you do?
Because all of these three things put you
in a tough position where you like someone, you want to see
if it's got a chance you want to see if you can breathe life
into this relationship, but he either isn't interested.
He either doesn't want what you want
or he is dealing with personal matters.
What can you do?
So the first thing that you do is you hold him accountable.
Now, what does this mean?
What this means is in all three scenarios
I just gave you, the man didn't communicate well.
He told you he was gonna take you out on the weekend.
He didn't follow through.
He said he was gonna call you,
he didn't follow through, all of these examples,
he's not communicating well.
And so what you want to do is you wanna hold him accountable
for the kind of communication that you both expect
and deserve in a relationship.
I don't care, even when it comes to personal matters,
if a guy has lost somebody in his life
or he is had a major challenge at work, it doesn't matter
what's going down, he at least can text you back
if he's made a commitment to you and say, Hey, look
stuff's going down in my personal life.
Or I've got this major thing going on at work.
I can't meet up.
I wanna circle back with you in about 30 days.
I'm sorry, but that's, what's going on for me.
A man who is self respecting and respects
the woman he's with is gonna communicate like that.
The challenge is what most women do is they
hold themselves responsible for his communication.
And here's what that looks like.
He doesn't text back.
He doesn't follow through
and they think what did I do wrong on that date?
Did I say something wrong on that date?
Did I act something wrong on that date?
Like, they'll start going through
and analyzing their own behavior
and judging themselves
and think that their flawed because of his lack
of communication, that is absolutely the wrong approach.
Don't hold yourself accountable for his behavior.
You are never accountable or responsible for his behavior.
He is always 100% responsible for his behavior.
So hold him accountable to that.
And here's what that means.
That means that in your own mind
if he doesn't follow through,
if he's pulled back and he's got bad communication
about it, then you dock him points in your own mind.
You're like, oh man
I don't even know if I would want this guy.
Even if he comes back, you might be the kind
of woman where he doesn't communicate back.
That's it, he's done.
Let him move on. Good riddance.
And that's completely okay.
But absolutely in your mind, dock him points
for bad communication because here's what happens.
However, he's showing up, he's showing up
with his best early in the relationship.
And you might think he's got 16 ounces,
one of my friends, Lisa Nichols puts it this way,
I think this is a beautiful example.
You might think he's got 16 ounces
of love to give but he's only given you four ounces
of love, four ounces of attention.
And you're like, what am I doing wrong?
Why isn't he not giving me the full 16 ounces
that he has to give?
Imagine that he doesn't have 16 ounces to give.
He only has four ounces.
He's giving you his best.
And if this kind of communication is his best,
then good riddance and time to move on.
So that's step number one is hold him accountable.
Let's talk about step number two.
Now I want to preface this by saying there's a gray area
in this ignoring and man kind of pulling away
where you're not sure if he's fully pulling away
you didn't really have a strong agreement
about when you were gonna talk next.
And so you're wondering, what do you do?
You can feel he's pulled away.
His tempo and cadence
of communication has definitely slowed down
but he hasn't really broken any agreements.
He didn't say he was gonna take you out
and then blew you off.
Those cases is easy.
You're like, no, dude, I'm not talking to you again.
Like I'm moving on
but it's that gray area where you're not sure what to do
that can be the hardest.
So number one is hold him accountable
for the slowing down of his communication.
But number two is be very clear
in your standards for what you expect.
Be very clear in your standards for what you expect.
If it's gone, let's just say five
or six days or another weekend,
you haven't heard from him.
And he said he was gonna call or text.
Here's a great text that you can send, just one text to see
is there any interest there?
If you wanna not text him again and move on, be my guest.
But if you're wondering, Hmm, what can I send him?
Here's a great one.
Send him this, say, Hey, there missed you this weekend.
Have you given up on us?
That is a great text.
In fact, I actually learned that phrase
from a book called "Never Split The Difference"
written by a terrorist negotiator, a hostage negotiator.
And he said that, have you given up on this deal
is a great text that most people respond to.
If you haven't heard from someone in a long time
in any area of life that you were trying to negotiate a
deal with a business relationship or even relationship..
Have you given up on us,
they will almost always give you your response back.
A client of mine recently was dating this guy.
She didn't hear from him after a little bit.
And she was like, Hmm,
he didn't say he was gonna text, but his texts slowed down.
And so she sent him saying, Hey, there missing you,
have you given up on us, question mark.
That same day he texted back and was like, no
just things got really busy
at work and this and this and that.
And so this is a two step strategy here,
number two, is send that text,
have you given up on us?
And then when he does say, no
I love to hang out and let's do this.
That's when you can set your standards
for how you want him to communicate
and you can either let him choose in or choose out.
If he comes back and says, Hey, I totally want to go out,
let's go out this Friday.
You say, yeah, gimme a quick call, on the phone,
then you say, Hey, look, I really am interested in you,
this could go someplace.
I'm not sure, we still need to learn more.
But what I would love is an agreement
that if we say we're gonna hang out, we follow through.
And if we're not gonna hang out
you at least text me and let me know.
I'm a woman. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.
But I would much rather have direct communication.
Are you in for that?
Let me tell you, you get that agreement
with a man your entire communication changes.
He now knows that he has your permission to be direct,
be upfront and that you're gonna handle it okay.
He will absolutely live into that agreement.
This is a game changer.
And number three is this, focus on you do not focus on him.
In other words, we can get in that trap
when you really like somebody that can be easy just
to overthink about them and get overly focused on them,
and that throws the energetics way off balance.
When you finally do talk to him
there's this kind of desperation energy.
Instead, remind yourself that you've got lots of options.
You've got lots of opportunities out there.
Even if you don't see them in your physical world
yet there are beautiful, amazing options out there.
There isn't just this one guy.
So remind yourself of that.
Get focused on you, doing what you would love
go on other dates and that dissipates any
of that frantic kind of attachment energy
that you have for one particular person.
So there you have it, three steps
for what you can do when a man starts pulling away
that puts you in a state of power,
puts you in a state of owning yourself.
It puts you in a state of being
the most attractive version of you, but also creating
and attracting what you would love in your life.
So my question for you is this.
If you're in a situation where a guy pulls back
and stops communicating at the same tempo
or same time, what have you found as a great strategy
that's really served you in that moment?
Go ahead and post those comments
in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
I hope this serves you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)