FELICIA DAY: A [BLEEP]
six-year-old could play this better than you.
Could you just--
RYON DAY: Boom.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RYON DAY: Blah, blah, blah, banter, banter, banter.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, hey, you guys.
Ryon, Felicia.
He's my brother.
RYON DAY: She's my sister.
FELICIA DAY: And we're going to play some retro games for
you in this show called "Co-Optitude."
That's what we do here.
And we are excited to be playing--
RYON DAY: Disney's "Goof Troop."
FELICIA DAY: So I've never played Goof Troop, and in
fact, I've never played a Disney game, because I kind of
have a problem with Disney.
I just feel like the way that girls are always princesses.
There are never any princes.
RYON DAY: There's Prince Charming.
FELICIA DAY: He is such a nothing, right?
RYON DAY: But what happened to Goofy's wife?
FELICIA DAY: Personally.
RYON DAY: Or is this some sort of kid he just kidnapped?
FELICIA DAY: OK, now we're going really dark and creepy.
RYON DAY: Like a ward.
Goofy's got a whole closet full of little shoes.
FELICIA DAY: All right, well--
RYON DAY: Little tiny bones in the cellar crawlspace.
FELICIA DAY: You guys suggested this game.
We're really excited.
OK, why do you keep--?
RYON DAY: Nothing.
FELICIA DAY: "Goofy was originally
known as Dippy Dawg.
He's a composite of an everlasting optimist, a
gullible good Samaritan, a halfwit, and a shiftless, good
natured hick."
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
That's a lot of really [BLEEP]
things to be at the same time.
FELICIA DAY: No, listen to this.
"Goofy's unnamed wife has appeared, but always with her
face unseen.
Goofy's wife later on dies, as he states to his son, Max, in
the 1995 film, 'A Goofy Movie.'"
RYON DAY: That's grim.
FELICIA DAY: "She's up there with the stars."
RYON DAY: Oh, god, did they take her to the farm?
[LAUGHS]
All right, let's play this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: All right, so "Goof Troop." I don't know
anything about "Goof Troop." I have to say that this
controller is easy to use, comfortable.
RYON DAY: This is a wonderful controller.
This is really one of the best controllers of all time.
FELICIA DAY: It's beautiful.
"Out to Spoonerville Island.
Pete and PJ were onboard."
RYON DAY: All right, just cut it out.
Do you want to be big and stupid, or do you want to be--
FELICIA DAY: I want to be small and clever.
Let's not insult Goofy.
He's a widower, all right?
RYON DAY: I don't want to be Goofy.
FELICIA DAY: Why, do you want to do Max?
RYON DAY: Look at that slouched shoulder.
FELICIA DAY: OK, I'll do it.
I'm cool with his posture.
RYON DAY: No, it's fine.
I'll be long suffering.
FELICIA DAY: You know what I don't like?
His rat tail.
It moves when he walks.
RYON DAY: No, wait, where?
Does he have a tail?
FELICIA DAY: Look, no, his rat tail.
Look at it.
His hair.
RYON DAY: Oh, god.
FELICIA DAY: What is that?
We're like--
RYON DAY: He is a hick.
Now I can't not look at it.
Look.
FELICIA DAY: It's awful.
RYON DAY: That's all I see now.
I can't--
Stick 'em up.
FELICIA DAY: Stick 'em up.
RYON DAY: Y.
FELICIA DAY: Y. M.
RYON DAY: C. Oh, I can't do A. We're limited to Y.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
OK, let's talk to this guy.
"Don't look now, mon." Oh, what?
RYON DAY: Oh, wow, I did not think it was that racial
stereotype.
I thought it was another one.
FELICIA DAY: Keelhaul Pete.
RYON DAY: OK, back story.
Look, look, we have to establish back story here.
FELICIA DAY: OK, no, "keelhaul" means to put a rope
around someone.
RYON DAY: Throw it over the front of the ship, and then
you drive over them with the shoe--
FELICIA DAY: It's true.
RYON DAY: And you float over them with the ship.
FELICIA DAY: It's true.
RYON DAY: And then the barnacles strip
the flesh from them.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I don't think children who play "Goof
Troop" really appreciate all the multilayered tores.
I'm taking all the cherries.
RYON DAY: Nope.
FELICIA DAY: You [BLEEP].
RYON DAY: [BLEEP].
I don't know where they went.
I don't know.
Where did the cherries go, Goofy?
FELICIA DAY: Where'd they go?
Where'd they go?
RYON DAY: I want a--
Oh.
FELICIA DAY: No, I wanted that.
RYON DAY: I picked it up.
FELICIA DAY: Is that a weapon?
You got a harpoon.
RYON DAY: I thought I picked it up.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, [BEEP].
RYON DAY: OK, what's happening?
Oh, oh, whoa.
FELICIA DAY: Whoa.
I have nothing.
I have no defenses.
RYON DAY: Oh yeah, uh, uh uh.
FELICIA DAY: That looks so weird.
RYON DAY: Are these guys even done?
FELICIA DAY: What?
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: I don't like that.
RYON DAY: Whoa.
FELICIA DAY: I just got a bell.
Oh, this is useful.
[BLEEP]
dinner is served.
RYON DAY: This is like the worst--
God forbid we let anybody die in a game.
Get back.
FELICIA DAY: Max, is this annoying dad?
RYON DAY: Oh, there we go.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, there we go.
RYON DAY: All right.
FELICIA DAY: OK, you need a bell, dude.
Everybody needs a bell for some apparent reason.
RYON DAY: Whoa.
FELICIA DAY: Whoa, oh.
RYON DAY: Extends.
Oh, you little [BEEP].
If your mom were still alive, she would be really
disappointed in you, son.
FELICIA DAY: Dad, why do you have to remind me mom's dead?
RYON DAY: Ow.
Oh, wait.
FELICIA DAY: We don't have a key.
Wait, maybe--
RYON DAY: We don't have a key.
FELICIA DAY: Hey, man, maybe this bell opens it.
Nope.
RYON DAY: No, that did not do anything.
FELICIA DAY: How are we supposed to get this guy?
How are we supposed to get this guy?
How are we supposed to get him?
RYON DAY: With the pot.
With the pot, how you kill every bee.
That's how everyone kills bees.
All right.
FELICIA DAY: What are you doing with that board?
You're leaving your harpoon for a board?
What a [BLEEP]
moronic thing to do, dude.
I mean, that's just [BLEEP]
common video game sense.
RYON DAY: Oh, hey, look at this.
Look at this, look at this, look at this.
I got the board.
FELICIA DAY: You have a board.
RYON DAY: Boom, what's up?
FELICIA DAY: Hey, let's talk to the natives. "You're gonna
need a bridge to make it across here."
RYON DAY: Wow, we did this in the exact reverse
order, didn't we?
Oh, look at this.
FELICIA DAY: You know what I love is--
RYON DAY: More puzzles.
FELICIA DAY: Gotta go here.
RYON DAY: And you got to go--
wow, that was--
OK, and then you got to go there.
And go there.
FELICIA DAY: Got to go there.
It's really not that hard, actually.
RYON DAY: All right.
Oh, that was not right.
[LAUGHS]
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: This one does not work.
RYON DAY: That guy's there.
FELICIA DAY: Look.
RYON DAY: That's wrong.
[BLEEP].
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
This one goes there.
FELICIA DAY: OK, this one goes here.
RYON DAY: You're a [BLEEP]
[BLEEP].
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: He's a single dad.
RYON DAY: And then there.
He's really a [BLEEP]
dad.
FELICIA DAY: Goofy's a--
RYON DAY: He's taking his kid to a [BLEEP]
island inhabited with bloodthirsty pirates.
FELICIA DAY: I don't understand where this one's
supposed to go.
RYON DAY: I think it's supposed to go right here,
right here.
See, look here.
I wonder if he rings the bell, if Max starts
salivating or not.
Oh, wrong.
[LAUGHS]
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Any six-year-old knows how to do this.
RYON DAY: Well, then bring a six-year-old so we
can get past this.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god, I'm sorry.
RYON DAY: Have some dinner.
God [BLEEP].
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: No, here's the thing about Max.
RYON DAY: Oh, yup.
FELICIA DAY: He has--
get the [BLEEP]
out of my way.
RYON DAY: All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Here's the thing.
Max has anger issues.
RYON DAY: This one goes there.
This one goes there, and then it goes over here.
FELICIA DAY: No.
RYON DAY: [BLEEP]
you.
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
Oh look at that.
FELICIA DAY: Get that one out of there.
RYON DAY: That's not going to--
FELICIA DAY: Get that one out of there.
RYON DAY: All right, catch.
[LAUGHS]
All right, reset this [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: All right, listen.
This one has to go here.
Get out of the way.
RYON DAY: All right, reset this [BLEEP]. (GOOFY VOICE)
I'm sorry, son.
I guess I'm a tremendous disappointment to you.
Oh, yup.
[LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: I hate your Goofy voice more
than your Chicky voice.
That one goes there, OK.
We're good for those.
Now what the [BLEEP]
do we do now?
RYON DAY: [SMACKING LIPS]
I don't know.
FELICIA DAY: This is for children.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: This is for the lamest of children.
Oh, wait.
RYON DAY: Oh, I got this [BLEEP].
Oh, what?
What?
What, what, what?
FELICIA DAY: Get me a solution for this way.
RYON DAY: Oh wait, that's not going to work.
No, that's wrong.
FELICIA DAY: We're smarter than this, man.
It's so condescending.
The bell is so condescending.
I mean, there's no winning at this point.
RYON DAY: Nope.
FELICIA DAY: I hate these puzzles more than anything.
I hate them.
A [BLEEP]
six-year-old could play this better than you.
Could you just--
RYON DAY: Boom.
FELICIA DAY: Can you please?
RYON DAY: Nope.
FELICIA DAY: That one cannot go up there.
RYON DAY: Well, where can it go?
FELICIA DAY: Listen, you stupid [BLEEP], listen.
RYON DAY: Nothing, I'm out of ideas.
FELICIA DAY: OK, that works.
That works.
Move out of the way.
RYON DAY: God damnit.
FELICIA DAY: That one goes up there, OK.
RYON DAY: Good, we're halfway done.
FELICIA DAY: Put that one on the left.
Oh, here we go.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: This is the endless awfulness.
This one goes here.
Move out of the way.
What are you doing?
Let me do this corner.
Get out of the way.
RYON DAY: All right, go.
Kick it.
FELICIA DAY: No, it's going to run into you.
RYON DAY: No, no, I'll move.
Kick it.
I'll move, I promise.
FELICIA DAY: No, this is not chicken.
We don't want to play [BLEEP]
Goofy chicken.
RYON DAY: I promise I'll move.
Go.
Kick it.
Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: What?
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: Why would you do that?
Why was that a game?
RYON DAY: For the [BLEEP]
[BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: I'm begging you.
RYON DAY: Fine.
FELICIA DAY: I'm begging you.
I'm begging you.
RYON DAY: Do your thing.
FELICIA DAY: I'm begging you, man.
I'm begging you.
Send it up there.
I'm out of the way.
Wait.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
That was your fault that time.
FELICIA DAY: I know, I know.
I got confused.
Over.
Don't help.
Why are you helping?
Get out of the way.
RYON DAY: Just trying to.
Does that ring a bell?
FELICIA DAY: I hate you.
I hate you.
Is this going to work?
This won't work.
I smell the failure all over this plan.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: I smell failure.
This one goes, OK.
RYON DAY: So fun fact--
a young chimpanzee solved this in five minutes.
FELICIA DAY: I got a key.
OK, now we know where that key goes, right?
RYON DAY: No, you're neutered, Max, you don't have an--
FELICIA DAY: He's not neutered yet.
This is what he's taken him to the island for.
RYON DAY: It's like a voyage of self discovery.
Unlock the door, son.
FELICIA DAY: Maybe we need to talk about our
back story a little.
RYON DAY: You were father, but you were never my dad.
FELICIA DAY: Cherries, cherries, heavy peaches.
RYON DAY: Heavy peaches?
It's like a really big breasted stripper's name.
FELICIA DAY: Heavy peaches.
RYON DAY: Heavy peaches.
FELICIA DAY: Awful.
You're awful.
RYON DAY: Oh, with this [INAUDIBLE], we can
have more fun now.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god.
Oh, this is easy.
I did my work.
What the [BLEEP]
did you do over here?
RYON DAY: (GOOFY VOICE) I don't know.
I'm just a dog.
How the [BLEEP]
do I know?
FELICIA DAY: This is easy, look.
Oh no.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: Wow.
All right, that's not the way that goes.
RYON DAY: [SNIFFING]
FELICIA DAY: What is that--
RYON DAY: I'm sniffing your ass.
I'm sniffing your ass.
FELICIA DAY: Stop sniffing my ass.
Stop it.
It's such a creepy sound.
RYON DAY: Yours looks closer to my ass.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
RYON DAY: See, look.
[LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: This one is useless.
Look.
Hey, let me demonstrate to you how--
RYON DAY: You [BLEEP]
idiot.
[LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: OK, stop.
All right.
Look at that.
We did it together.
RYON DAY: (GOOFY VOICE) How do you feel about
your own pop, now?
Hyuk.
Pretty good, huh?
FELICIA DAY: Oh god.
All right.
Oh, you left before I could get the key.
Left before I could get the key, you stupid man.
RYON DAY: But look how much fun we're having.
FELICIA DAY: You are so stupid.
Oh, let's leave.
RYON DAY: Goofy's going to spend all of
this money on drink.
All of the gem money is going to booze.
Oh, don't you even [BLEEP]
get there.
FELICIA DAY: Don't get in the way.
Oh, look, the key's open.
It's open.
We didn't--
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Escaped as reward.
Yay.
RYON DAY: Oh, it's whack-a-mole?
Boom.
FELICIA DAY: Boom.
RYON DAY: Oh, you caught it?
FELICIA DAY: You can catch them.
All right.
RYON DAY: [LAUGHS]
FELICIA DAY: Well.
RYON DAY: Oh no.
We'd better have some [BLEEP]
contin--
You [BLEEP]
piece of [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Oh, password.
"Goof Troop" codes.
Banana, cherry, blue diamond, red diamond, banana.
What?
Banana, cherry, blue diamond, red diamond, banana.
OK, here we go.
RYON DAY: Oh, sweet.
FELICIA DAY: OK, last level.
RYON DAY: Bad ass.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
RYON DAY: Let's just pick up some barrels.
FELICIA DAY: Always pick up barrels.
RYON DAY: If you can, you should.
FELICIA DAY: You know what's under them?
Cherries.
One step closer to death.
RYON DAY: The secret here is that Goofy has cancer and
wanted to spend one last adventure with
his son before dying.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god/
RYON DAY: Whoa, it takes two.
FELICIA DAY: It takes two.
Oh, that's the [BLEEP]
moral of this story.
[SINGING]
Oh, bananas.
RYON DAY: (GOOFY VOICE) Come on, buddy.
Hyuk.
FELICIA DAY: Don't use your Goofy voice.
It's the worst.
What is this guy with the beach ball?
What kind of [BLEEP]
special power is that, being a beach ball?
That is the worst kind of pirate ever.
RYON DAY: Dah!
There should be a railing or something there.
[BLEEP]
this game.
FELICIA DAY: It's a pirate.
OK.
RYON DAY: Again.
Oh, yup.
FELICIA DAY: So how do you get over there?
RYON DAY: Not like that.
FELICIA DAY: Wow, that was pro.
RYON DAY: Throw it.
Throw it.
FELICIA DAY: Yay.
RYON DAY: All right, here we go.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
Yay, triumph.
I'm on my own, dad.
I don't know if I have the tools to make it. (GOOFY
VOICE) You can do it.
I've got the cancer.
Oh, there's a hook.
Oh, this [BLEEP]
is real.
RYON DAY: What?
FELICIA DAY: What?
Oh, [BLEEP].
RYON DAY: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, maybe go to the top one.
Tick.
Oh, just a tip.
FELICIA DAY: Nice one.
What do I do now?
RYON DAY: Walk over it.
Whoa.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
I did it, dad, with the help of a committee.
Oh, goddammit.
RYON DAY: Oh, god damn, what is going on here?
Kick that one down.
No, no.
FELICIA DAY: This D-pad is very sensitive.
I have to say that this controller is easy to use,
comfortable.
RYON DAY: This is a wonderful controller.
This is really one of the best controllers of all time.
FELICIA DAY: It's beautiful.
RYON DAY: Oh, god, just shut the [BLEEP]
up.
Just shut your mouth, just please.
FELICIA DAY: No, we got to exit.
RYON DAY: Silence, silence.
FELICIA DAY: Let's go.
RYON DAY: All right.
Wow, we made it back.
FELICIA DAY: Any suggestions?
RYON DAY: No, [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: I'll stay out here, dad.
Yay, look at that.
RYON DAY: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: God, where is the big box?
Oh, [BLEEP].
RYON DAY: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, hey now.
Oh, why does that eagle eye [BLEEP]
hate me?
Boom.
FELICIA DAY: Nice job.
RYON DAY: Oh, for [BLEEP]
off.
FELICIA DAY: All right, there's the key we need to get
to the box.
RYON DAY: Oh, and it kills you too.
FELICIA DAY: That one goes up.
OK.
RYON DAY: That one goes up.
This one--
no, goddamn it, you're dumb.
FELICIA DAY: Goofy, kick it to the--
RYON DAY: Oh.
Oh, huyk.
Oh, but we can get the goodies.
FELICIA DAY: All right, let's get out of here.
I don't give a [BLEEP]
about goodies.
RYON DAY: You have no life left.
We need to get goodies if we're going to live.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god.
RYON DAY: Good job, good job, really good work.
FELICIA DAY: No, let me get to the--
RYON DAY: Good work.
Good work.
FELICIA DAY: You have five lives.
I have zero.
Maybe let me get some cherries.
You don't need six [BLEEP]
lives.
I'm a child.
RYON DAY: Oh, wow, well, that was almost a death trap.
What the [BLEEP]?
[SCREAMING]
FELICIA DAY: [BLEEP].
Yay, great.
This has got to be the end of this game.
Because honest to god, no six-year-old could make it
through this thing.
RYON DAY: [BLEEP]
[BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Dude, there's no way to get across.
I have the hook shot.
So basically, you're [BLEEP].
RYON DAY: [SIGH]
FELICIA DAY: OK, you guys.
RYON DAY: OK, good game.
Good game.
FELICIA DAY: I think that's enough.
We got a good sampling of how "Goof Troop" works, and thanks
for suggesting it.
RYON DAY: Got a beautiful father and son adventure
through a [BLEEP]
up island of [BLEEP]
up pirates.
FELICIA DAY: I would give this three nebulous canines.
RYON DAY: Wow, I would say five goofy rat tails, pointing
straight to the sky.
FELICIA DAY: Thumbs up, share and scribe.
Subscribe to everything.
Follow us on Twitter and Facebook.
RYON DAY: Subscroshare.
FELICIA DAY: Shibscripschibook.
We would love to hear from you what your favorite Disney
characters were, or if you had a dismal video game spin off
of a favorite cartoon.
RYON DAY: Or if you had an adventure with your dad with
cancer through a pirate infested island.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, if you had that experience, please share
that in the comments.
All right, we'll see you next week.
Bye.
RYON DAY: Thanks, bye.