>> Yo Andy! We’re gonna go get some lunch
– where’s the best place to find some Mexican food around here?
>> I don’t know actually…I’m Puerto Rican.
>> Yeah but…you know.
>> Congratulations Andy!
You’ve just been made a race ambassador.
>> What the f!#$.
>> So I told my boss ‘no I don’t own a kimono’
and the next thing I know HR told me
I have to come to this class.
>> Welcome!
If you’re attending this seminar
you’ve probably found you’re the only person of your background
at your office, school or neighborhood.
Here at the Race Ambassador Training Center,
we’ll help you navigate this brand new awesome responsibility.
>> Yes Latino Ambassador!?
>> Yeah – uh I don’t wanna do this.
>> I don’t even know why I’m here.
>> Yeah, seriously why am I here?
>> Oh it’s not optional!
Think of it like a public service – like jury duty!
If jury duty was everyday for the rest of your life.
>> Ok well can I at least represent Puerto Rico?
>> No.
>> Race ambassadors are expected to speak multiple languages of their own.
And with a little bit of practice
…you guys can learn a new one.
The language of non-ambassadors.
For example, this common phrase:
>> Where are you from? >> Translates to:
>> Why are you brown? >> Good!
Next we’ll learn how to say bad words in all the languages
that people expect you to speak.
>> Do people really think ‘ching chong’ is a Chinese phrase?
And what do they think it means? >> Wait so it’s not a phrase?
>> Got ya! >> Okay. Lets do a little role-playing!
Action! >> Okay...Mike, Hi.
I’m your coworker
– uh I’m so excited to talk with you about the latest Empire
/ Blackish / Luke Cage
/ Real Housewives of Atlanta and or regular Atlanta.
>> Oh sorry…I don’t really watch TV.
>> Oh Mike what a buzz kill!
Television provides so many people access
to what they can only assume is your unique lived experience!
>> I’ve watched The Wire!
I didn’t watch The Wire.
>> What do I do when people ask me to speak Hindu?
>> Ooo! You should give it your best shot!
>> By spending your free time
doing homework consuming hours worth of entertainment
– you’ll never be caught passively betraying your race again.
>> Yo uh, quick comment. Islam’s not a race.
>> Ha! They don’t know that. >> Okay.
>> Sorry – you have me listening
to a bunch of K-Pop I think but I’m not Korean.
>> Oh my God it’s like you’re not even listening!
You are representing millions of people.
Lily is practically representing billions, okay?!
This is serious stuff – act like it!
Gah. I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot of ‘why
do people keep asking me about country x
when I’m from country z.’
When instead you could be using those
as opportunities for great teachable moments.
>> Sorry…you want us to take the time to tutor people in geography?
>> But I’ve already got so much K-Pop on my plate.
>> You guys. It’s not that hard.
Like if someone asks Mike to tell them about Africa…
>> F$#! I don’t know nothing about Africa.
>> See! Neither do they.
You’re already finding common ground
– and great use of your native tongue.
>> Okay why should we have to do that, like ever?
>> I’ll give you guys an example: Priyah…what part of India are you from?
>> Oh here I’ll show you. Ok so I’m from this part!
>> Uh ok great teachable moment OFFICALLY unteached!
>> You know what…this whole thing is really not fair.
>> Yeah it’s not fair to expect someone
to have all the answers or speak for their entire race.
>> Yeah we’re all unique individuals.
Race ambassadors are bullshit.
>> Uh…hey.
Is this the race ambassador meeting?
>> Uh what’s going on?
>> Oh uh I’m moving to Liberia to teach third world countries
how to body surf.
I’m gonna be the only white dude there. It’s gonna be pretty sick.
>> So wait. You’re choosing to be a race ambassador?
>> Well, yeah.
Is that the sash?! Do I get one of those?!
>> You sure do. >> This is awesome.
Ah I look so great!
>> I’m glad someone is taking it seriously.
>> Sweet.
Yeah I think I know a lot about like white history and culture
and stuff though so I don’t think I’ll get too stumped over there.
>> Wait I have a question.
Why do white people always ask me if I think in Spanish?
>> Oh I mean we all think in different ways, you know?
>> And why do white people always think that I know black people that they know?
>> Well, it’s a small world.
>> Okay…why do white people always ask me if my uncle’s a terrorist?
>> I mean…anything’s possible.
>> Why do white people have a special fork for salad?
>> Uh I feel like everybody has forks
I don’t think that’s just exclusive to white people.
>> How come white people love recasting Asian roles with Matt Damon?
>> I mean I don’t know that’s a question for Hollywood.
>> Do you know Adam Sandler? Could you introduce me?
>> No I don’t know Adam Sandler.
>> Why can’t white people handle spice? >> I LOVE SPICE!
>> Why would you shotguns beers just open it?
>> I feel like you’re putting all of us in a box.
>> How come white people love going on Tough Mudders with their coworkers?
>> I DON’T REPRESENT MY ENTIRE RACE!
>> Why won’t you just let us have this?!
>> THIS IS BULLSHIT! >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. >> Yeah.
>> Oh okay I get it.