Teachers! We're so excited to have you all back.
I... I do want to make sure we cater to the needs of all of our professionals, so...
we're going to do a survey. Make sure we get everybody who wants to teach virtual, in virtual.
And those of you that are anxious to come back, I know there's a lot of you, you guys can teach in person.
Just need to get the numbers. Going to send out the survey this afternoon.
Meet back in a week and we can go over the results, ok?
Survey's all done. Let me go ahead and review the numbers. Looks like we have.....
362 of you wanting to stay home. And....
Four for in person.
And it looks like three of those were Mrs. Smith who clicked submit multiple times.
And she also teaches computer systems... uhhhhh.
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna review this data, along with her certification credentials,
and I'm going to devise a plan. Meet back in a week.
Doctor's note.
We have decided to only permit teachers to distance learn, if they have a doctor's note.
Ok? I hate to do that but our numbers are about as balanced as our school budget. Whoop.
Ok guys, I hate that I have to do this, but the guy that you saw to obtain your medical marijuana license
in the van behind the White Castle... not an acceptable signature. Not gonna happen.
Also, might I reiterate, Doctor of Medicine. Doctor of...
I've asked Dr. Vanhausen, our German Instructor
who is a Doctor of Education, to stop signing medical forms. I won't accept them.
Ok, ok, ok. I got a compromise. Hear me out. You're all coming back. Students, not so much.
Hybrid. Half in person, half virtual. Not that hard right?
I mean you got plenty of time to prepare right? What? 12 hours. See you tomorrow morning, yeah?
Don't worry, I'll provide plenty of PPE. Personal Protective Encouragement.
Bring a mask. You got this.
So our enrollment numbers are down and we're bleeding funds.
I've decided to bring all the students and all the faculty back.
And I know what you're thinking, "Won't I die?"
Yes, probably. But think of it this way....
After 9 weeks of hybrid teaching, wouldn't death be a reprieve?
Huh, huh? Think about it. I mean, the wifi has got to be better in Heaven.
Probably better in hell too but that's beside the point.
So our COVID numbers are up. and gosh. I think I speak for everyone
myself and the district included when I say
that nobody could have seen this coming, nor could they have prevented it from any specific liability standpoint
including but not limited to Article 5 Section 7 of the Risk Management handbook
preventing any legal action from this point forward.
Anyways, we're returning back to virtual. And the timing could not have been better.
Right? I mean, since most of you are infected now anyways and you're already home.
Now you just have plenty of time to teach, and grade, and plan.
Hey everybody, just got an email that the district is bringing us back. That's what it says....
I um.... hold on. Got another email. The....
Well I guess the mayor wants us to stay home so everybody will be wait....
The Governor just declared that we are going to be in person. Alright. I mean it's only fair that....wait.
Well they just received word that the Governor died of COVID.
and the new Governor understandably wants us to go virtual. That's interesting. Look....
The bottom line is, I'm staying in school. I'm here if you need me.
Everything is safe here. Virtual, in-person, I assure you it is completely safe under my watch.
Faculty, If you are seeing this message I regret to inform you that I have died of COVID.
I don't see how this could have been foreshadowed. It snuck up on me and frankly I'm just as shocked as you are.
Ironically this happened just before Spirit Week. What I'm getting at is....
I really need you all back into the school. Everybody needs to be here next week because
My ghost will be coming around to do observations.
Not even the Grim Reaper can stop that. Be ready. See you Monday.