HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT TAIKA'S NEW SHOW?
IT'S ABOUT A MAN WHO DECIDES TO LEAVE HIS CUSHY LIFE TO BECOME A
PIRATE.
I FEEL PIRATES ARE UNDERSERVED.
>> THERE WAS A BIG ZOMBIE PERIOD AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MOVE INTO
PIRATES FOR A SOLID TEN YEARS.
>> James: CORRECT.
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO COWBOYS ON FILM?
>> DEAD.
>> James: WHERE'S ALL THE JOLLY COWBOYS?
>> YEAH.
>> James: NO COWBOYS ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME ON FILM.
I WAS THE REPRESENTATION OF COWBOYS IS DOWN.
YOU MEET COWBOYS AND THEY'RE OUT THERE HAVING A GREAT TIME.
THINK ABOUT IT, RIDING A HORSE, LASSOING STUFF, WALKING AROUND,
SPITTING IN CUPS.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE SEEN A JOLLY COWBOY ON FILM SINCE WOODY.
>> YEAH.
WE WANT WALKING AROUND, WHISTLING A TUNE.
>> James: THERE'S NO WHISTLING IN POWER OF THE DOG.
IF ANYTHING, THE BANJO MAKES IT DARKER.
( LAUGHTER ) WHERE'S THE JOLLY COWBOY'S GONE?
>> YEAH.
>> James: AND I DON'T KNOW WHY .
HERE IT COMES.
>> I WANT YOU TO NAME A JOLLY COWBOY FILM.
>> James: ARE YOU JOKING?
A JOLLY COWBOY FILM.
>> James: "BLAZING SADDLES"!
GET OUT.
MOVE THE MIC!
WOODY IS ARGUABLY THE JOLLIEST COWBOY ON THE FILM.
HE IS NOTHING BUT COWBOY AND THERE'S A SNAKE IN HIS BOOTH R
BOOTS.
THINK ABOUT THAT, THERE'S A SNAKE IN HIS BOOTS.
STILL HAVING A GOOD TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) >> SOMEONE HAD POISONED THE
WATERING HOLE.
>> James: THINK ABOUT THE THINGS HE SAYS.
THEY ARE ALL TRAGEDIES.
>> YEAH.
>> James: BUT HE MANAGES TO -- HE'S A GLASS HALF FULL COWBOY.
SOMEONE'S POISONED THE WATERING HOLE.
THAT'S BASICALLY THE PLOT OF ERIN BROCKOVICH.
HE THROWS IT AWAY.
LET'S KEEP HAVING A GOOD TIME.
WHERE'S MR. POTATOHEAD.
NEXT UP, CITY SLICKERS, UNBELIEVABLE JOLLY COWBOYS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHALL I TELL YOU ACTUALLY WHAT'S
MISSING IN THE POWER OF THE DOG?
JESSE PLEMMINS ON BENEDICT ABOUT THE DO THE RIGHT THING, JUST ONE
MINUTE, GO, HUH!
>> THREE AMIGOS!
>> James: THREE AMIGOS.
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN HAD ITS MOMENT OF LEVITY.
>> James: THEY WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> THEY WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> James: YOU CANNOT DENY IT.
YOU CANNOT DENY IT.
>> YEAH.
>> James: THERE ARE MOMENTS IN THAT WHERE YOU SEE A COUPLE OF
COWBOYS HAVING A DAMN GOOD TIME.
>> HAVING A GREAT TIME!
>> James: THAT'S MY POINT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK, THIS CANNOT GO ON ANY
LONGER BECAUSE THERE'S IMPORTANT WORK TO BE DONE AND IT'S TIME
FOR THE NEWS.
( MUSIC ) EARLIER TODAY,
UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT VOLODYMYR ZELENSKY SPOKE VIRTUALLY AT AN
EMERGENCY MEETING OF THE EUROPEAN UNION PARLIAMENT -
PLEADING FOR HELP AGAINST RUSSIA.
HIS IMPASSIONED SPEECH EARNED NOT ONE, BUT TWO STANDING
OVATIONS.
IT WAS AMAZING.
I'VE GOT TO SAY, AS SOMEONE WHO DID A SHOW OVER ZOOM FROM THEI
HOUSE FOR AN ENTIRE SUMMER GETTING A STANDING OVATION OVER
ZOOM IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THINGS I'VE EVER
HEARD.
( APPLAUSE ) THE OVATIONS WENT ON FOR SO
LONG, AT ONE POINT ZELENSKY WAS LIKE, THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE
IT.
PLEASE SIT DOWN, WE'VE KIND OF GOT A SITUATION HERE I'M
REALLY -- ( LAUGHTER )
TONIGHT, OF COURSE, PRESIDENT BIDEN DELIVERED HIS STATE OF THE
UNION ADDRESS.
NOW, WE TAPED OUR SHOW BEFORE THE SPEECH- BUT WE DO KNOW THIS
WILL BE THE FIRST STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH IN A LONG TIME THAT
WILL BEGIN WITH FOREIGN POLICY.
BIDEN'S TEAM HAD ORIGINALLY HOPED THE SPEECH WOULD LAUNCH A
RESET OF HIS STALLED DOMESTIC AGENDA.
SO THE SPEECHWRITERS WENT FROM BUILD BACK BETTER TO
OH ( BLEEP ), RUSSIA BIDEN'S -- RUSSIA.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN HAVE A BET ON BIDEN'S
SPEECH.
SPORTSBOOK OPERATORS TOOK BETS ON MANY ASPECTS OF THE SPEECH -
SUCH AS TOTAL VIEWERS, DURATION, OR EVEN MENTIONS OF SPECIFIC
WORDS.
AND IF ANY OF THIS EXCITES YOU, THE ODDS THAT YOU HAVE A
GAMBLING PROBLEM ARE 100%.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND IN A 'PRE-BUTTAL' OF PRESIDENT BIDEN'S STATE OF THE
UNION SPEECH EARLIER TODAY, REPUBLICAN SENATOR JONI ERNST
USED A VISUAL AIDE TO CONVEY THAT INFLATION, DEBT, AND
VIOLENT CRIME ARE ALL UP, WHILE THE PRESIDENT'S POLLING NUMBERS
ARE DOWN.
AND THE VISUAL AIDE SHE USED?
THE MEME WITH THE CARTOON DOG IN A HOUSE ON FIRE SAYING THIS IS
FINE.
AH, YES, MEMES THE WAY THEY WERE MEANT TO BE SHARED, PRINTED OUT
IN HARD COPY, AND MOUNTED ON 24" X 36" INCH POSTER BOARD.
WELL DONE, CRUSHED IT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, I KNOW THIS SPEECH IS
STANDARD PRACTICE, BUT PREBUTTAL.
SOUNDS LIKE A DRINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE WEEKEND
BEFORE A COLONOSCOPY.
( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON, ACCORDING TO NEW
RESEARCH, THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS SAY THEY HAVE GROWN
MORE SENSITIVE TO NOISE SINCE THE PANDEMIC STARTED.
ONE OF THE TOP COMPLAINTS WAS LOUD CHEWING.
BEFORE THE PANDEMIC, PEOPLE WERE LIKE
( AS WOMAN ) LADIES, I SWEAR I'VE MET THE
ONE.
HE'S GOT THE CUTEST LOUD, WET CHEW.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS FAIR.
DOES NOT WANTING TO SEE YOUR BOSS SLURP DOWN AN ACAI BOWL ON
A ZOOM MAKE YOU SENSITIVE TO NOISE, OR JUST A PERSON WITH
EYES AND EARS?
( LAUGHTER ) WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE, AND
THE SUBJECT OF YOUR EATING CAME UP.
>> YEAH.
>> James: LAUREN, YOU HAD INSIGHTS.
>> HE DOESN'T CHEW LOUDLY.
HE EATS LOUD FOOD.
>> James: THE FOOD IS LOUD.
APPLES ALL DAY.
LETTUCE WRAPS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> CHOWING DOWN ON TAM BOREINCE
AND MOROCCOS.
>> THESE JOKES ARE ABOUT PEOPLE EATING LOUDLY AROUND LAUREN.
THIS IS ALL LAUREN'S VIN DEBTA.
>> James: I DIDN'T EVEN REGISTER THE ACAI BOWL --
>> YES.
>> James: I DIDN'T PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T GET ON AN EARLY ZOOM WITHOUT HIM JUST --
( LAUGHTER ) I THINK YOU'RE WRONG.
I THINK YOU'RE WRONG, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY --
( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
WE DONE?
I GET OFF AT 11:00.
( LAUGHTER ) >> CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: AND WE WANTED TO
SHOW YOU THIS.
WHILE EATING CLAMS AT A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT IN NEW JERSEY, A
COUPLE FOUND SOMETHING UNUSUAL, AN ACTUAL PEARL.
AND GET THIS, IT COULD BE WORTH UP TO ONE $100,000.
HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE PEARL HERE:
LOOK AT THAT.
I MEAN -- BIG DEAL.
ONE TIME I ORDERED FRIES AT BURGER KING AND FOUND AN ENTIRE
ONION RING AT THE BOTTOM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BASICALLY THE SAME.
THIS PEARL IS MUCH NICER THAN THE USUAL THING PEOPLE FIND
INSIDE A CLAM AT A RESTAURANT IN NEW JERSEY WHICH IS OFTEN FOOD
POISONING.
AND FINALLY, THERE'S A NEW KIND OF NON-DAIRY MILK ALTERNATIVE
MAKING ITS WAY TO STORE SHELVES.
YOU MAY BE FAMILIAR WITH NUT, SEED, AND GRAIN MILKS.
BUT A SWEDISH COMPANY IS NOW MARKETING, POTATO MILK.
IT'S ALREADY BEING SOLD IN BRIAIN, AND WILL MAKE ITS WAY
TO THE UNITED STATES LATER THIS YEAR.
POTATO MILK.
SOUNDS LIKE THE NICKNAME OF A GUY IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO WOULD
JUST JUMP OFF STUFF AT PARTIES.
AAAHHH!
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS, IT WAS POTATO MILK.
THERE ARE TOO MANY MILKS NOW.
>> LOT OF MILKS.
>> James: LET'S STOP MILKING STUFF.
EVENTUALLY, THIS WILL COME BACK AROUND AND EVERYBODY WILL BE
LIKE, THE HOT NEW MILK IS COW MILK AND WE'RE ALL
GONNA BE LIKE, "THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT I GUESS I'LL TRY IT.
( LAUGHTER ) I DO THINK ITS POLL LATER IS
GOING TO LOSE STEAM, ONCE PEOPLE REALIZE HOW POTATO MILK IS
HARVESTED: ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) AND THAT'S THE NEWS
, AND WE'LL BA BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.